From the office of Popa B-Holla!

Today’s 10 reasons why I should be Pope (also known as: Brandy has had this list for awhile and thinks it would be fun to share now since she’s jam packed busy and not able to spend time thinking of anything funny/witty/interesting to say.) Forgive me. I promise I will be back commenting on all your posts with glorious and insightful comments on Monday.

1. I don’t really know a lot about Catholicism so I wouldn’t be a know-it-all Pope who would always say things like, “well John XXIII did it this way or Paul VI always did it like this…”. You know, like some smug-in-your-face Pope. No, I would be the cool, open-minded Pope that would be like ‘sure, hey, let’s try that’, or ‘whatever works man, whatever works’.

2. I would singlehandledly make wearing a mitre cool again by dressing it up with some pink side sash. (And for the record, a ‘mitre’ is the name of the pointed hat the Pope wears)

3. From my research (you didn’t think I just wrote this stuff without research did you?) the Pope is in charge of guiding people’s faith and making sure they stay on track. I’m all about that. If people said they were starting to doubt, I would say something helpful like “hey, look at me. I’m the Pope and I believe so who do you think you are to not believe?”. If they continued on their path of non-believing, well, just see #4.

4. I would make sure there would be no dissenters. People against the Pope, well.. I would just beat your ass down.

5. I would give the Pope name a little street cred with a Jay-Z photo op. Scratch that- It would be a 50 cent photo op (the bullet proof vest is more ghetto then Beyonce) . (And while we are talking music, Simple Plan would be ‘eliminated’. I’m the Pope so I can’t get into details but, they would not be making music anymore).

6. I would consider that maybe, just maybe, Dan Brown is on to something….

7. There would be cool, free “Get your Religion on” concerts all summer and all singers who gratuitously decorate themselves with religious paraphernalia would be oligated to attend and sing.

8. I would make “Monday” the new “Sunday”.

9. Beer, not just wine would become holy and would get the respect it deserves.
10. I wouldn’t make my millions of followers refer to me as Pope Brandy Lee (even though technically, I’m supposed to change my name following the traditions that have occured for hundreds of years), I would be Po-pa B Holla!. Which would just be a ridiculous good time to say.

29 comments to From the office of Popa B-Holla!

  • If you were to become Popa B Holla, I would return to Catholicism after my 15 year break.

    1 more day, chica!!!

  • you can bet that #9 is my favorite.

  • I do like the idea of the pope having a little more bling-y-ness. I mean, it’s THE pope. I love that beer is on the list at all. Wasn’t it Benjamin Franklin that said “Beer is proof that God wants us to be happy” ? Smart man.

  • You can bet that if you were Pope I would be visiting you in the Vatican. I think that when you do Wednesday mass out on St. Peter’s square you should have everyone wave their hands in the air .. and wave them like they just don’t care.

  • I love the pink sash idea…that is awesome and so you! ;)

  • Bre

    Part of me is hysterically laughing… the other half is looking over my shoulder to see if some nun is going to come up and whack me with a ruler for being disrespectful.

  • ammanners

    Miss Brandy – why do you get to be the pope and the president?

  • Have I told you lately that I love you? No? Well, I do. And THIS post is one of the many reasons!

    I may read this one over and over for a great laugh!

  • Ha ha! Laughing out loud now. Popa B-Holla, I am loving number nine! Can I request that cosmopolitans be included in that one? And number four-you should totally OBAMA anyone who does not follow your leadership! :)

  • Freaking hilarious– how did you come UP with this?!

  • This has to be sacreligious…it just has to! But Jesus probably appreciated good humor, so I think you are ok…

  • You’d also have to be celibate, though. Think you could handle that?

    And what would be your new popemobile?

  • You really should consider running for public office someday. You’ve got a great pulse for what humans like. You’re so attentive.

  • 6. I would consider that maybe, just maybe, Dan Brown is on to something‚Ķ.

    NICE :) = along w/ harry potter & his satanic and witchcraft influences…….. you have just pissed off @ 3/4 of the christian faith – i, being a jew, absolutly love it

  • I’m just here to tell you (kind of like a confession, Popa….) that I feel like I’m 10 years old again the night before a family vacation. And that I have this fear. This fear that something is going to happen and it’s all a big joke and the book isn’t going to be released tomorrow night. I also maybe kinda sorta freaked out on someone today when they tried to tell me about all the spoilers out there. Forgive me Popa! What is my penance? Or are you going to do away with that shit once you get your mitre?

  • This post should be bronzed in the blogging perfection hall of fame!
    As a Catholic, I say welcome to the Popehood, Popedom, Po-Party, whatever it’s called.

    Sadly, I am now destined for hell, but it was worth it!!!

  • since it has been decided by a fair and just panel that I am already destined for hell … I am totally on board with you as Pope

    but Jesus, Mary and Joseph! I can’t believe that you ahve neglected THE. SINGLE. MOST. IMPORTANT. ACCESSORY. INALLCATHOLICDOME:THE POPEMOBILE!!!

  • I am not catholic but my husband and kids are. If you were pope, I would consider taking all the classes to convert. You are so awesome, and this post just confirms it. You rock! Now, can I ride in the pope mobile with you just once? How cool would that be?!?

  • When I read “mitre” I thought you meant those shorts I wear for sports instead of Umbros. Glad to read that is not your goal as the new pope….:)

  • I agree with Bre (comment #6).

  • LOL, try reading off that list in some uber religious country, pick any one in Latin America. As someone who grew up strictly Catholic (and later rebelled), you’d definitely have my vote for Pope ;)

  • Amanda- Well, if that’s what it takes for you to convert, I’m going to get right on, well whatever I need to do to make this happen. As for the HP, I just, just, just finished reading the book. I think I need sometime to stretch my brain around it all. And then, rest assured, there will be discussion!

    brookem- I thought it might be! ;)

    justrun- I love that quote. And I know, it’s the POPE! Bling it out. I mean seriously. I suppose he has the ring, but that’s sometimes just not enough flash. I think a chain would add something. Probably no body piercings… that might be too much.

    Airam- NICE! Do you want to be in charge of the concerts then?? I think this Square party is a great idea. A fantastically, wonderful idea.I will even look into getting you a sash of your own.

    Desiree- Me too! (I think that one was my favourite)

    Bre- I completely understand! But as long as you laugh a little bit, I feel like it was the right thing to post.

    Anne- I know! It’s almost not fair right? Sadly, I don’t make these rules. I can’t help that I’ve been chosen for great things. Actually, both of these jobs might be overwhelming. Would you like one?

    Jennifer- Ohhh thanks!!! And I must say, I checked out your new haircut- very nice!

    Beth- Oh extra points for throwing out an OBAMA! And yes, cosmos are included. So is this new drink I had at the Stampede called the ‘bull buster brawl’. It was rootbeer, red bull and vodka. Delicious!

    LeiselB- Oh thanks! Sadly these are the random thoughts I have when I have more serious work to do.

    AM- Tha’s how I think of it too. I mean, I’m not saying anyone is doing a bad job, and I’ve researched the role so I have an idea of what’s involved, so I think I’m being respectful. I just think I may have some qualities that might make the position more.. entertaining for the masses.

    Lefty- I might have to bend a few rules in regards to that matter. It just doesn’t seem like that would work for me. As for the popemobile, I honestly hadn’t given it a lot of thought. Perhaps I would get one of those silver airstream trailers that Matthew McCoughney always has. Those look fun.

    egan- Thanks EGAN! I have always liked the idea of holding office but I think there’s too many photos of me out there partying for me to ever be taken seriously. But I should at least be someone’s campaign manager. First order of business- throw the word ‘free concerts’ and ‘beer’ in a few speeches.

    question girl- I just read this book in April called “Religion and Harry Potter”, written by a minister and it was bloody fantastic. It really did a good job of showing all the positive references or symbolism related to HP and the Bible. (ie. good vs. evil, a chosen one, etc.) So good!!

    Amanda- DUDE. I KNOW! I got 3 hours of sleep because I was so nervous about the book. Nervous? Does that even make sense??? But I know what you mean, thankfully I’m pretty okay with the book. Of course, there’s a ton to discuss but I will hold out for a few days, until I think people have read it (or you post something on your hp blog)

    MC- Ahh, at least you enjoyed it. You should see a few of the emails I got. Not happy! It would appear that this post was offensive to some as child porn. Oh well. What can you do?

    Kathryn- Man! The Popemobile is a big draw for you readers!! I apologize.

    tori- Rule #11: No classes to convert. If you WANT to be Catholic, you just are. Because, sometimes I think classes are not necessary.

    Swistle- Thanks!!:)

    silverneurotic- For sure!

    Ally- That’s funny. I always thought mitre was a type of mineral until I started researching this (because yes, even though I’m incredibly busy I still feel it’s important to be accurate in my info regarding my upcoming Popedom)

    Sarah- Well, even if part of you laughed it was worth it.

    Michelle- Thanks! Every vote counts. Well, I suppose not when you are pope, unless you get to be a person voting for the pope, but sill. I appreciate it just the same!

  • Some people were offended by this post?

    Wow. I guess the world really isn’t ready for a Canadian pope yet.

  • What can you do? You can Obama all of them!!!!! That’s what you can do. Why do some people feel they can Alec Baldwin others through email??

  • Lefty- Ohhh you have no idea. It was bad. Verrrry bad.

    MC- I wish I knew. But when they DO Alec Baldwin me, can I just say my first instinct isn’t an apology? It’s a good OBAMA’ing.

  • BWahahahaha!

    You have my vote as Pope. Now what color smoke should I fly up the chimney?

  • Oh there’s this book by Daniel Handler about how to dress the pope for every occasion or something. I keep meaning to buy it, but those post just reminded me of it!

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