Today’s 10 reasons why I should be Pope (also known as: Brandy has had this list for awhile and thinks it would be fun to share now since she’s jam packed busy and not able to spend time thinking of anything funny/witty/interesting to say.) Forgive me. I promise I will be back commenting on all your posts with glorious and insightful comments on Monday.
1. I don’t really know a lot about Catholicism so I wouldn’t be a know-it-all Pope who would always say things like, “well John XXIII did it this way or Paul VI always did it like this…”. You know, like some smug-in-your-face Pope. No, I would be the cool, open-minded Pope that would be like ‘sure, hey, let’s try that’, or ‘whatever works man, whatever works’.
2. I would singlehandledly make wearing a mitre cool again by dressing it up with some pink side sash. (And for the record, a ‘mitre’ is the name of the pointed hat the Pope wears)
3. From my research (you didn’t think I just wrote this stuff without research did you?) the Pope is in charge of guiding people’s faith and making sure they stay on track. I’m all about that. If people said they were starting to doubt, I would say something helpful like “hey, look at me. I’m the Pope and I believe so who do you think you are to not believe?”. If they continued on their path of non-believing, well, just see #4.
4. I would make sure there would be no dissenters. People against the Pope, well.. I would just beat your ass down.
5. I would give the Pope name a little street cred with a Jay-Z photo op. Scratch that- It would be a 50 cent photo op (the bullet proof vest is more ghetto then Beyonce) . (And while we are talking music, Simple Plan would be ‘eliminated’. I’m the Pope so I can’t get into details but, they would not be making music anymore).
6. I would consider that maybe, just maybe, Dan Brown is on to something….
7. There would be cool, free “Get your Religion on” concerts all summer and all singers who gratuitously decorate themselves with religious paraphernalia would be oligated to attend and sing.
8. I would make “Monday” the new “Sunday”.
9. Beer, not just wine would become holy and would get the respect it deserves.
10. I wouldn’t make my millions of followers refer to me as Pope Brandy Lee (even though technically, I’m supposed to change my name following the traditions that have occured for hundreds of years), I would be Po-pa B Holla!. Which would just be a ridiculous good time to say.