Do you ever have one of those weeks where your hands move instinctively to your head just to make sure that your brain is still attached? And you wake up counting the hours until you can get back into your bed? And your best daydreams involve singing Oasis in your bathtub with just a bottle of gin for company? Yeah. That’s this week.
When life gets full, my brain shuts down. One of the first things to go is any ability to write anything remotely entertaining. That, and sometimes I forget to put pants on. So here’s a scattered list of what’s going on in my brain and (as always) let’s do this prison style- bring on the bullets!
1. I went to Vegas. Here (finally!) is some proof:
I do realize that I’m showing only one photo. And it’s not even that great, but I like to pretend that I’m a bit mysterious and this was one of my favourite shots from the wax museum. Because really, who doesn’t need at least ONE photo of them giving Ben poker tips?
2. The new favourite word in my classroom: PENIS. Penis-talk, all the time. It’s like, Sex and the City except completely different.
3. 3 days until Shakespeare humiliation. And as always, can I just say that your comments/emails made my day? I love that so many of you thought the way to go was hipflask with vodka (so there is no smell). I’m not sure if I can drink straight vodka. I’m not sure I’m not going to try to do it though. Fingers crossed I survive this nightmare honor.
4. If you get pulled over for going 71km in a 60km zone, never offer the policeman a donut. Even if your car is FILLED with 200 mini ones. Even if you are serious, because your mother taught you to be polite and offer visitors (to your home or car) a refreshment. The officer will give you THE LOOK. And THE LOOK? Is not a good one.
5. Five things that would improve my life right now: a new blog design, an unlimited supply of this nail polish (it’s “red sea pearl” in the dazzling shimmers column), world peace, Josh Lyman at my home in a toga abd MORE CRYSTAL LIGHT!
Oh! New book review here.
Have a good day universe.
Wait, that is supposed to be Ben Affleck? I totally thought it was The Hoff
Haha I can’t believe you offered a cop a donut. That is awesome :)
When I was in high school, we played The Penis Game all the time when we have assemblies, and also often in the library. The Penis Game starts with one person whispering, “penis.” Then the next person whispers it a little louder, and so on and so forth, with the winner being the person who will actually say PENIS the loudest. I? Was the Penis Game champion.
I also have a second grader of my own who thinks penii are simply hilarious topics of discussion. Also popular in our house is the daily discussion of poots. It’s good times. I feel you.
I’ll send Josh over when he’s done at my house.
mmmmmmm…. josh lyman in a toga….
I just watched Noel, my favourite West Wing episode. Sigh.
I like the mysteriousness…just enough to give us a little tease!
That quarter of your face looks pretty hot, though…you have that going for you!
Can I tell you how funny I think it is that you offered a cop a donut? I am cracking right up here at my desk. At least you didn’t tell him you smelled bacon! LMAO
OH and I LOVE Ben Affleck he is just yummy! :)
Jen better watch out, love that shot of you and mr affleck. And Bradley in a toga, what can I say that would make any girls day.
Hey your momma thought you well, and that supersedes everything else.
I don’t think I’ve seen a clearer picture of you before, girl you look cute!!
I’m having one of those weeks this week…I’m so busy, and it’s my birthday! But it’s okay…I’ll make it through it! But it does suck, because I’m shutting down, and I don’t want to even go out for my birthday. I just want to go on a nice run and hang out at the house. Sad, huh?
ben is smirking! you must be saying something hilarious to get wax-Ben to smirk!
You are too cute! I want to see more Vegas pictures!!!
And your cop story? Classic.
Oh, and the week you describe? Yeah…that was my week last week. And kind of this week. I want it to be Friday already.
You offered a cop a donut?! Too funny. Are you sure you didn’t start hitting the vodka in the hip flask a bit early?
71 in a 60? That’s only like 7 mph over – did you get a ticket for that? Rough.
You could always add some juice to the vodka..
.. just sayin..
you should write a blog entering jess from delicious design studios contest! get all your readers to click on the link, then ta-dah! a new blog design for you!
It’s funny how the obsession with the word penis ebbs and flows in life. If those kids only knew, they should save some of those jokes for college.
Also, smooth on the wax museum photo. That “pose” actually makes sense as opposed to many, many other ridiculous ones I’ve seen.
Maybe a muscle relaxer for the speech? Just point out to the bride that no, it is not alcohol and her reminder said nothing about narcotics. ;)
I have too much of a sweet tooth to willingly offer a donut to a cop. But I’m sure I’ll find another way to offend him before he finishes writing the ticket.
Your hair! It’s so SHINY!
When I first saw that I was like WTF NO SHE IS NOT WHISPERING TO BEN AFFLECK but then I realized it was a wax Ben.
I’m a Gulla Bull.
You are totally whispering sweet nothings into Ben’s ear!
Oh holy moly, the donut bit is HILARIOUS. Go you!
200 mini donuts?! lol! I’m sure that cop was not amused.
You are adorable! Will you be posting any more pictures?
I love that you offered donuts! You are way too cute!
You can add that picture to your “One Eye” album! And I love that you offered the cop a donut!
I hope that you didn’t get the ticket.
I want a donut.
I think I had that week last week.
:-)
I’m going to take a wild guess and say that you did end up with a ticket.
I hear ya on the rough work week. And even better? I got to go to traffic court for a ticket ON MY BIRTHDAY. Not fun at all. I hope Canadian police are a little nicer and you were able to avoid a ticket.
Cute picture! I wish I had more mysterious ones like that I could put on my blog.
haha
i like the blog design as it is :)
Hell, I forget to put on pants on my GOOD days.
Are you telling Ben to go all in? Because I think that would be appropriate advice.
I’ll take Josh Lyman at my home in a trash bag.
Im with Alexa. Jess of Delicious Designs will be the answer to your design needs!
Love the donut story, hilarious!
i love that nailpolish color. i also love that picture- you’re adorable!
ps- im not wearing pants right now. just sayin.
Brandy does the about face on “Lars and the real girl”….Brandy and the real guy”…well, not just an ordinary guy, but Bartleby….
I think I can hear him whispering to you, “Quit leering at me. People are gonna think I just broke up with you.” Such is young love (from Dogma)
My best friend is in the Police Academy and her instructor told her the other day that the reason the officers are so hard on the newbies for PT is to skinny them up so they can eat a hell of a lot of donuts before they plump up.
I’m just sayin’…
You’re so flippin cute … and yes .. the one eye album!
Love the Vegas picture, shame you can’t share more. Would have loved to see you offer the cop a donut, the look on his face must’a been priceless… :)
I can’t believe that you actually offered a police man a donut. That is classic! :)
your hair looks hot!
Wait, what grade are you teaching? I don’t remember that game getting fun until like 8th grade.
Kids these days.
you, my friend, are hilarious. i can see the look on the cop’s face now… ;)
Is this your first official shot on your blog? I like it very much. Ben was bluffing that he had a full house right? Did you find out who Affleck is supporting amongst the Dems?
You’re going to rock the Shakespeare thing big time. Do what I did in grade school, stand in front of a mirror, make funny faces, and begin the memorization process.
11km over shouldn’t equal a ticket. That should be considered keeping up with flow of traffic.
I have no idea how fast 11km over is.
Glad you liked the flask/vodka idea though.
And Vegas? Best. City. Ever.
I’m almost more jealous (jealous-er?) of how shiny your hair is than I am that you get to whisper to Ben :)
Love the yellow btw.
OH MY GOD. You know how sometimes you miss someone, but you don’t know how much until you’re around them again. THAT IS SO ME RIGHT NOW. I’ve missed you, Hi! You’re still totally entertaining, if not more so. You brightened my day at least!
ROFL @ donut. I love it! He might have given you the look but I BET he tells his friends about the girl that offered him a donut all the time!
tagged
loving the vegas “whispering sweet nothings into ben afflecks ear” shot!!!
#2….wow I totally remember this time, and the funny thing is….not a whole lot has changed. :) lol
I went to Madame Tussauds in NYC and got a pucture of me whispering into Woody Allen’s ear (not as hot as Ben, but still…)! I am so happy to see I’m not the only one who found the idea totally appealing at the time!
We did a good one at the same wax museum in Vegas of the guys pointing something out to Stevie Wonder. I also flirted with Jackie O. Now I am thinking I should send you photos…
Did you survive the Shakespeare debacle? Or no? Because we haven’t heard from you yet and I’m quite curious as to how that all went down. Are you still in a vodka stupor? Or did the bride catch you sneaking the vodka and you’re currently killed? I’m starting to get worried!
are you there brandy? it’s me, your fellow vodka drinking, shoe loving, hills trashing/loving soul sister.
I thought Google had already done everything it could to make my workdays better, but my google reader just recommended your blog and things are looking up. I’m enthusiastic about the possibility, in part because there are very few blogs out there in which The Penis Game is discussed so aptly.
Lovely to stumble upon this gem!
how was shakespeare!?!?
i was in las vegas at the exact same time! what a coincidence.
i didn’t make it to see ben affleck tho. i unfortunately spent most of my time losing money all over that city. i am poor, but had a awesome time!