A young girl was breaking up with the “looks good on paper” fiancé. They were standing on a dock facing the ocean, watching the waves coming in when she handed him back the ring that had been the promise of their future. She wished that he would do something impulsive, something reckless. She silently prayed he would throw the ring into the ocean, if he could do something like that- an irresponsible and unexpected grand gesture, he would be the one for her. She realized that’s what she needed- proof he was willing to do more than any other man. Instead, he put it the ring in his pocket.
I remember reading that moment from a book in my early twenties and relating to the want of the big gesture. Despite what my gender might say, how they might refuse the idea of something so… wild, every girl does want to be the recipient of a grand signal of love. At least once. I know that sounds like a high maintenance request, but I think if you are with the right person- you will want to do it. Isn’t that what love is? A willingness to put yourself on a limb and hope that someone follows? To cast out the words you want to say and hope that someone is there to catch them? To do more than what’s required, what’s expected, what’s assumed to be the best choice and to just throw the damn diamond in the ocean?
Plane trips. Dumping out the contents of your heart and not needing a response because it’s not about someone else saying something to make you feel good, it’s about you trying to make someone else feel good. Handwritten haikus. Jumping on a Ferris wheel and refusing to let go until you get the date. (Okay, the last one was more Nicholas Sparks idea than mine…) Regardless if it’s right, or if it makes sense… sometimes things need to get messy. Sometimes the only way to get the girl is through the impractical act. Sometimes only doing what doesn’t make sense is the way to make sense of everything. A big, chaotic declaration that can’t go unnoticed or be misunderstood.
Of course there is no guarantee such an act will result in the happy ending Hollywood has us believing is the outcome of all romantic gestures. It doesn’t always work. But wouldn’t the world be a more interesting place if more people attempted the grand gesture? Isn’t it worth the risk sometime? What’s the point of yearning for an impossibly fantastic life if you won’t take a heart pounding chance? How can you expect one with out the other?
I don’t remember what happened to the girl except that she didn’t end up with the fiancé. Maybe that’s the only thing worth remembering.
Amen!
I’m not a huge romantic… But grand gestures do make life more interesting.
Maybe that’s what I’ve been doing wrong. The grand gesture, it certainly would be something.
Beautifully written. And I agree- the world would be much more beautiful if there were more grand gestures.
Angela- Exactly. Especially when they involve haikus or Ryan Gosling.
imfb- That sounded sort of ominous… ;)
AshleyD- Or at least more interesting I think!
It’s not a high maintenance request. I think that if you love someone, then they’re worth doing the grand gesture.
And I didn’t tell you, but your Pamela/Natalie post made me laugh.
Just out of curiosity. Was that Summer Sisters, by Judy Blume? It sounds like it.
I don’t know where the grand gesture falls anymore in a world of cool logic and non-emotionality.
poodegoose- I think so too! And I’m glad you liked it. My mom makes me laugh.
DS- Yep, it was. Definitely an interesting book. I think I need to re-read it this summer.
I need to re-read that book too, for sure. And I need the grand and spontaneous once in a while. I need to be both on the doing and receiving end of it though. Spontaneity feeds me.
agreed…everyone needs a grand gesture at least once, but i’ve also come to appreciate & cherish all the ordinary* gestures. they can be grand in their own unassuming ways…’extra’ordinary if you will.
*couldn’t think of a good opposite of grand.
although…ryan gosling wouldn’t hurt…. ;-P
I know I suck at commenting lately. I think I may be going through a little blog drought. Nevertheless. THIS post made me want to say something (I really liked it!). SO, do you think it was best that “she” didn’t end up with the fiance??? By your ending, I’m uncertain – I mean we know “she” didn’t end up with him… but, do you think it is better for all of the “shes” out there to desire – and wait for the big gesture, or for the fiance. I’m really only asking kinda rhetorically as at times, I want the BIG GESTURE and other times, I want, well, him. ugh… life is too complicated. Great post!!
I think we all get too scared of taking risks, so we stick to the subtleties, with the hope that they can be ignored or written off if we fail. It is kind of sad how scared of rejection we all are… as if we aren’t all going to go through it a few times in our lives.
You know I’m a romantic already, so you know I like the grand and little gestures. Still, as I read the first paragraph, the thought occurred to me: for every girl who would be impressed that the guy threw the ring into the ocean, there’s another who would instantly dismiss him for being so irresponsible as to throw that kind of money away.
Probably a fifty-fifty shot for the poor guy…
nicole- I think that’s a wise way to be.
Libby- I definitely see what you are saying & I’m a huge fan of the ‘everyday gesture’. I just feel that sometimes we focus solely on that and the idea of wanting a big gesture- a grand act… suddenly seems selfish or unreasonable. And I don’t think it is.
a life uncommon- A blog drought? I’ve been there! As for the post… hmm. I know what you are saying. I think ‘she’ or ‘all of us’ are better off waiting for the big gesture. I know I am. Because if I settle for the guy who doesn’t try… well, eventually I think I will resent him. I’m not sure if that makes sense, but it’s the truth.
PP- I think your point about rejection is so true. I mean, no matter how wonderful someone is, they will taste rejection at some point, so why not risk it on something wonderful?
geekhiker- That’s probably true. Sigh. You poor men have a hard time.
jim halpert and lloyd dobbs, now you have a post of almost my favorite things. i was just watching a youtube of the last episode of everwood where this girl amy rents a ferris wheel to put in front of her guys house as a grand gesutre. swoon. grans gestures ae scary and exciting and most of all, pure and honest.
I need to re-read that book! I read it ages ago and loved it. How about Mr. Big’s um… “big” gesture? There’s a plane trip for ya. Jumping a flight to Paris to tell the woman you’re in love with that she’s “the one?” Yeah, that would do it for me.
Though, it took for freaking ever, so I’m also not sure either…
geekhiker is very right, unfortunately. We men can rarely win, which is why so many of us don’t try anymore…
Ryan Gosling… *drool*
I met my boyfriend on a Thursday night, through mutual friends. He lived in Hawaii at the time, but was home in Boston visiting family. We hit it off immediately and had an absolutely amazing weekend together.
On Tuesday, he had to go back to the islands.
On Wednesday, I went, too.
We’ve been together ever since, and we have absolutely never been happier.
My family and friends thought I was completely out of my mind, but it didn’t even matter. It was totally worth it. I highly recommend the grand gesture.
I pretend that I would never want a grand gesture. Secretly though I’d LOVE for it to happen.
I blame Disney.
What a great post! I would love a grand gesture. I don’t think I’m the kind of girl that inspires them though *sigh*.
i totally have “summer sisters” on my list of reads for this summer.
have you ever seen the movie “chasing liberty”? i know, i know, mandy moore and all (though i not so secretly love her). but they make reference to “the big gesture.” and geez, i want it too.
I recall saying those exact words to my boyfriend in college. Our relationship had lost its luster and I was feeling like I had been super-glued to the back burner, but I loved him with everything in me and was desperate for reassurance.
We got in an argument one day and I shouted, “I need the grand gesture!” to which he responded with a blank stare, obviously having no idea what I was talking about and also probably wondering when I got so crazy. While I certainly don’t attribute our demise to his failure to gesture in a grand way, I agree with you that sometimes you just need the irrational act!
The grand gesture. Yup. Definitely want one.
I was half hoping my ex would whip out a grand gesture to urge me to stay. He didn’t.
And while I’m glad there was no big scene during our split, it broke my heart a little to know he could watch me walk away so easily. I think had he shown up the next morning, flowers in hand on my porch with a “let’s try to work this out” speech prepared, I would have caved.
But i’m insanely happy with the new guy, so really, maybe it’s better he didn’t. :-)
the grand gesture is better in moderation but fabulous none the less – I was dated someone who was all about the grand gesture but then it just got boring, lost the impact, the “WOW” factor
that said, if some guy was ourside my bedroom window with a boom-box ….
I think anti-stalking laws might curtail some of these grand gestures… i mean, atleast that has been my past experience with crazy ex’s; and since they worked initially (im a sucker for crazy) “hapily ever after” just wasn’t in the cards- but I got good at filing restraining orders…:-)
High maintenance is DEMANDING the grand gesture…on a regular basis. But wanting one to settle any doubts and let you know for sure that you’re sure? Totally natural. I don’t know if I want the grand gesture or lots of little gesures…can’t we have both?
I definitely agree – my fiancé and I are getting married in September and it’s a big scary thing to decide! As well as being a beautiful, uplifting, hopeful thing.
I love those big moments, but I think it’s much more important that we create those moments in the lives of other people than waiting for ours to come. If you care it’s important to throw all your cards down as well, not just to expect someone else to show you their heart.
I love this post. I’m a hopeless romantic and have always swooned over gestures (have only received a couple I’d consider grand, but the little ones are great too). Irrational behavior and love should go hand in hand. Hopefully all of us will enjoy having some man do something crazy for us at some point in our lives. And if not, thank goodness for chick flicks.
I think Lloyd Dobler had it right–everyone needs/wants a dare to be great situation.
Those grand gestures ARE what we want. Just once. Someone to let go of everything and do something huge. Something to show us that they really care.
i’m wishing, waiting for the grand gesture that i sadly know isn’t going to come…. and i’m not even a romantic.
maybe i need ryan gosling to knock on my door and mend my broken heart :)
I suppose that love is irrational and so are the grand gestures you mentioned. Hence they might not be a bad things but… I agree with Geekhiker. Won’t any guy pass for a fool in doing so? What is the reason of his foolishness? Because he’s so madly in love with the girl or is it just his irresponsibility streak?
“What’s the point of yearning for an impossibly fantastic life if you won’t take a heart pounding chance?”
That would be you, naming, on the nose, what I fail at. Okay, so maybe I am only 17, but I dream up situations where I do this, or I do that, always resulting in a happy ending And yet, I don’t do anything.
Maybe it’s time to take some chances, whether it is concerning my heart or not.
I love this. I know exactly what you’re feeling. I find that at times I’m pushing people away, waiting to see how hard they will push back. Almost to test to see how much they really care. If they’re willing to push beyond what’s comfortable. I’ve been waiting on the grand gesture for ages. Maybe it will never come, but I hope that one day it will.
I was going to ask if you were talking about the book “Summer Sisters” but someone beat me too it. I haven’t read that book for a few years, but it’s stuck in my mind over the years.
Hmm, amen. I think it’s important to but yourself out there for the person you love in a glaringly obvious way sometimes. That said, I also think sometimes what may not look like a grand gesture to someone on the outside it’s something the ones on the inside know the significance. Sometimes my boyfriend does things for me (not that I ask him to) that I know are a huge deal for him, because it’s out of his comfort zone or it doesn’t come naturally to him. But he knows it will mean a lot to me…so others might just think it’s some sweet little thing but I know that it’s equal to him hiring a plane to pull a “G loves Alexis more than a fat kid loves cake” banner behind it.