Exactly what this Monday needs

Someone tagged me for this but I didn’t keep track of who. So, if you were the lovely lady (or lad) who did- let me know and I will link to you and give you all the credit you deserve. Because of you the world will know exactly why I dislike snakes.

I’m not feeling 100% today, (check out the letter “R” for a better understanding of why) so I’m phoning it in with a meme. Let’s still be friends though okay?

A. Attached or Single?
Single. Because Josh Lyman won’t return my calls.

B. Best Friend? I feel lucky to say that I have more than one. (And no- I’m not counting Josh Lyman in this).

C. Cake or pie? Both our filled with gluten (and therefore banned from my life until some scientist stops being lazy and develops a gluten-aid tablet. Something similar to a lactaid that all those *wussy lactose intolerant people have), but if I went all crazy and got to choose? I would definitely chose pie. The crust! Oh the crust.

D. Day of choice? Thursday. I know everyone loves Friday and Saturday.. but Thursdays just seem like they have more potential. They are like the Casey Affleck of weekdays.

E. Essential item? I’m someone who has many essential items. I blame the housefire of 2005 for making me this way. If I had to chose a few… my new sunglasses (I do love that I start out with something so ESSENTIAL), my passport, photos, my library card, my brown newspaper boy cap, my West Wing DVD’s and crystal light.

F. Favorite color? Yellow. Which surprises people. (Whenever you know, I meet new people and we go all Barbra Walters on each other and pull out the tough questions like ‘what your favorite color?’). People always assume that it’s pink.

G. Gummy bears or worms? Bears. I like chewing their heads off.

H. Hometown? I’m pulling an OBAMA! and declaring myself a citizen of the world.

I. Favorite indulgence? Over-priced, phone book like fashion magazines. Nail polish with clever names. Trips that involve passport stamping.

J. January or July? July. Must I remind you what January was like this year?

K. Kids? The way this question was worded reminds me of my grandmother. No real… sweet lead-up to it at all. Just.. kids? She used to do this about relationships too, just walk up to be and throw out “single?” and then when I answered “yes”, she would look horrified as though I just admitted to voting Conservative or not liking plaid. I’m sure if I looked closely I could see all the unborn grandchildren she wasn’t getting from me reflected in her tears.

L. Life isn’t complete without? Passion, kettle corn and dancing shoes.

M. Marriage date? Dude. I didn’t even take a date to my friends wedding. But thanks for rubbing it in.

N. Number of brothers and sisters? One younger brother. Who is a constant source of awesomeness. This was re-confirmed today when we sent an entire conversations worth of text messages all relating to old school WWE wrestlers. (Sidenote: This is how genius my brother is: He’s decided he’s going to invent a peanut butter jar that has a lid at each end. That way when you get to the bottom of the jar, instead of having to dig with the knife and get peanut butter on your hands, you can just flip it over and open it from the other side. We may not have Nobel winners in our family but we are thinkers when it comes to peanut butter).

O. Oranges or Apples? Oranges.

P. Phobias? I have all the generic ones- spiders, mice, snakes, Steven Seagal …  the snake one really got hammered home in junior high when my best friend would force me to watch her snake eat mice. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing more scary than seeing a snake strangle a mouse and then gobble it up.

Q. Quotes?
“Do something today which the world may talk of here after”- Admiral Collingwood

“I used to be Snow White, but I drifted”- Mae West

“I have learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances”.- Martha Washington

R. Reasons to smile? Today I woke up on the bathroom floor with a (fake) tattoo necklace soft and gummy sticking to the floor. I smelled of tequila and lost opportunities and I was fairly certain a woodpecker had inserted itself into my skull and I was never going to be happy again. Knowing that I will never have that moment again (it would just be impossible to find the same tattoo necklace) is reason enough to a) smile and b) continue breathing. Also? The fact that I have friends who know me well enough to buy me an entire fake tattoo jewelry set for my birthday is a reason not only to smile but to gleefully shout from the rooftops “I love you universe!”.

S. Season of choice? I always love what I’m not experiencing (this sadly does not relate just to seasons). So because it’s summer, I’m really digging fall. I suspect the introduction of argyle everywhere has led me to this new love.

T. Tag 5 people: Anyone who hates Mondays. Anyone who has more than 4 letters in their first name. Anyone who actually just counted the letters in their name.

U. Unknown fact about me? I lay out my clothes the night before. My mom did this with me when I was really little and it just stuck. Even now, if I go to bed without knowing what I’m going to wear the next day, my brain goes into overdrive and sleep will then become impossible. Also… I probably post about 20% of what I actually write. The rest sits in the land of “drafts” never to be read or seen.

V. Vegetable? Spinach. It’s great with everything, just like gin. (And even though I told my liver that was a joke, it still karate chopped my insides when I typed that. Apparently my birthday drinking will have a lasting impact).

W. Worst habit? Other than the pesky heroin addiction? I would have to say making jokes that people may not know are jokes, which then result in me looking awful, or you know… like a drug addict. Also, if I’m within 100 meters of a can of cashews, there’s a good chance I will eat them all. And not share. Oh, and I love fragment sentences.

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? I’m a fan of the X-ray. It just seems cooler.

Y. Your favorite food? Anything that involves copious amounts of salt. Oh, and I’m a big fan of nectarines.

Z. Zodiac sign? Leo. Which apparently makes me some sort of crazed attention seeking whore who likes zebra print and bossing everyone around. Sounds about right.

* I’m kidding. You aren’t wussy. In fact, I love milk so much that I look at you all in a state of wonder and awe. A milk free existence? You have my respect.

34 comments to Exactly what this Monday needs

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