Confession: I haven’t really liked myself lately.
This has nothing to do with my hair not cooperating or the fact that my favorite fall clothes are not fitting the way I like. It’s more than that. It’s less than that. I haven’t liked my attitude lately. And by that I mean, if I could figure out a painless way to curb stomp some sense into me, I would.
I’ve been sleeping well. I’ve been visiting friends. I’ve been working regularly. I’ve been running and reading and writing in my journal. I’ve been taking my vitamins, deep conditioning my hair, remembering to wear my glasses. I’ve paid my bills, gone for dinner, cleaned my closet.
I’ve been angry. Irrationally angry. About everything.
Slow drivers. Fast talkers. Misspelled words. Expectations I can’t meet. The Starbucks employee scoffing at my order. Being too hot. Being too cold. Joe the Plumber. Dark mornings. Parents who don’t pack lunches for their children. Forecasted snow. Careless comments. Slow mail. Being on hold. Couples who make out in the grocery store. Being sneezed on. People who don’t say “thank you”. Anonymous emails. Frost on my windshield.
Of course, with anger- irrational or otherwise, comes guilt. Guilt at getting mad over the child who spills his entire lunch on the floor after he’s been told he needs to eat in his desk not dancing around the room. Guilt at not being ‘the fun friend’ or the even just the friend who can do everything she once promised she could. Guilt that’s the residue of all the anger I feel towards everything. Everyone.
I know that it will pass.
It has to- I’m too young to have permanent frown lines.
* Something good: Reason 862043 I like blogging? I just finished a conversation with my favorite blogger who reminded me of this post she wrote. Just to show me that everyone has those days (weeks?) where you are mad at everything. This further shows why I like this girl so darn much. (And for the record, I couldn’t agree more about the cocktails comment).