First of all, if you haven’t read the book and plan on reading the book, just ignore this post. Or, if you’ve read the book and feel so strongly about the book that you’ve already emailed me to lodge a complaint against the comments I’ve yet to make (but are definitely coming) mocking this book? Help keep us both sane and skip this post.
It’s quite possible to like something and still feel the strong, undesirable urge to make fun of it. That pretty much is the basis for my relationship with my brother- or why I’m still watching the The Hills. I thought about discussing the whole first book at once, but then realized even I couldn’t handle that much Twilight talk in one sitting. And I didn’t want the hardcore Twilight fans coming after me with pitchforks (or, nasty emails. Ahem). Anyway, here are some of the thoughts while reading the first half of the first book- a book I promise I did actually enjoy….
- Okay first things first. This kid gets a new vehicle. Well, not technically new but new to her and all she can’t even let out a tiny squeal? Or even a sentence that ends in an exclamation point? What kind of teenager is this? Bella is the oldest young person I know. Further evidence to this theory is her talk of making mental notes to buy recipe books, her clothing choices and the fact that she says ‘holy crow’.
- Edward is: beautiful (p 20), gorgeous (p 22) absurdly handsome- with piercing hate filled eyes (p 27), attractive (pg 37), dazzling (p 43), glorious (p 65), interesting (p 79), brilliant (p 79), mysterious (p 79), perfect (p 79), and beautiful (p 79). Okay I had to stop writing those because it was sort of ripping a HOLE INTO MY SOUL. The amount of worshiping Bella does outnumbers entire Church congregations.
- Edward looked like he’d “just finished shooting a commercial for hair gel” (pg 43). Someone please use that compliment today. I guarantee a kidney punch will be returned to you for your kindness.
- Edward is described as having a “musical” voice. For some reason, I find this delightful. Like Edward is part vampire, part sprightly pixie.
- Bella’s response to snow: “Ew”. My response to Bella: “Shut the pie hole.”
- Bella reads ‘Wuthering Heights’ (again) just for the fun of it. I consider what it would be like to hit her with her badminton racket, just for the fun of it.
- Okay Bella. We know you suck at gym. The constant talk of how you suck is unnecessary.
- I had this whole point of how Bella Swan= Meredith Grey, but it was getting rather….. heated. And today seems like a good day to cut out the expletives when discussing fictional characters. But for the record? They remind me of each other. Both are sort of … mopey and quick to make their lives about a single person. And both talk about love in ways that makes me want to beat myself unconscious.
- Bella, Edward always warning you he’s ‘not a good friend for you’ is FORESHADOWING. Pay attention please.
- I’m sorry, over a dozen seventeen year olds go cruising to the beach on a Saturday and not a single one does a keg stand? I do not believe it.
- Eric, Mike, Tyler, Jacob AND Edward are all interested in Bella? I’m sorry, Bella has her moments of coolness (like her truck- I kid you not, I used to have something very similar to what she drives) but I really fail to see how she’s worthy of ALL the attention she gets from these Forks fellows. Unless she can tie a cherry stem in her mouth, then everything would make sense.
- When helping Jess find a dress for the dance, Bella says, “I encouraged her to go with the blue; why not play up the eyes?”. That sentence reminded me how much I love Clinton and Stacey.
- I don’t understand this: Bella doesn’t go into the bookstore because she sees a “woman smiling welcoming from behind the counter”, and Bella “doesn’t need that”. Hmm. It would appear that if the woman was a manic depressive vampire who routinely pushed her away and/or had the power to quickly end her life, Bella would have been ALL over it. What’s wrong with friendly people Bella?
- Okay, so I understand why Edward follows her to Port Angeles, (to keep her safe from the street thugs who call her “sugar”), but sneaking in to her room almost EVERY NIGHT when she’s sleeping? Is that really necessary? Am I the only one who really felt like Edward crossed some sort of creeper line there? Bella, sunshine- that’s a red flag.
- The continual talk of how Edwards breath smells so good sort of weirds me out.
Okay. I need to stop. I leave you with one of my favourite quotes (see if you can guess who this is referring to):
“Again, the fabric clung to his perfectly muscled chest. It was a colossal tribute to this face that it kept my eyes away from his body” (p 197)
Stephenie Myers, I admire your work but you owe me a drink for the restraint I’m showing right now.
Anyone else have thoughts on the book?
I admire you all for your dedication.
i have definitely considered the bella/meredith comparison too. but as much as i agree with all of the cheesiness that is all of twilight, i can’t help but to love it and envision rob pattinson in all his pale skin and crazy hair swoon worthy ways, haha.
pps. my bf would probably love you for this post :)
Love. This. Post. Haven’t read the book, nor do I plan to, but all this tweeting and blogging about Twilight has me wondering what all the fuss is about. It’s a young adult book after all!!!
Then again, I never did get into Harry Potter either. I’m always the last to catch on to the trends….
I haven’t read the book yet so I skipped down to say thank you for the warning! After I read it, maybe I’ll come back and read this post.
Ok the quote is horrific…I need a drink now and I haven’t read anything of the book OTHER than that quote. I’m going to pour you a drink as well…or a few drinks. You deserve it.
As much as I loved the book … I loved this post. I need to read the first book again because honestly, the first time around, I didn’t bat an eyelid to any of this!! Which is strange considering how I am. Seriously, you rocked this post.
So I am admittedly a freaky Twilight (and way too old) obessessed fan, but I really did enjoy this post! It made me laugh! And Bella = Meredith Gray. I never thought of that, but I totally see that! Ha! Thanks for the laughs! :)
Hmm I have been hearing so much about Twilight…but if its as sappy as you’ve made it sound then meh! I did like Harry Potter but that had very little sap. And decent writing for what it was….
This one sounds like the author has a case of verbal diarrhea!! Am I right?
I completely LOVE Twilight and still LOVED this post. It was amazing and made me giggle like crazy.
I seriously love you for this post. Yes.
Because we all know, the writing, the descriptions, the whining it’s so ridiculous but it’s like effing crack. I can’t get enough.
I adore this post!
I love the books & I completely agree – so much of it is totally laughable, and so much of me doesn’t care at all. I’m too much of a 13 year old girl sometimes.
I want to do some reading on it because Bella is kind of a troubling character for me, only because it’s a teen book. She’s definitely a true teenager with the tunnel vision, but especially the last book was kind of creepy in the way it handled her.
I fear for the youth of today and their teenage vampire boyfriends, I guess is what I’m trying to say.
So funny, I never thought abou the Meredith Grey/Bella comparision before but I can totally see it. I actually love the books and didn’t really expect to. I discovered the first one soon after the second book was released simply on a whim because I was drawn to the cover. I was instantly hooked but I had no idea how big the phenom would become. So yeah, some of it is a bit over the top but it is a young adult book.
I’m looking forward to the movie but…the dude playing Edward? So not the Edward I imagined in my head.
I totally agree with the Bella/Meredith comparison!!
I agree 100% with the Bella/Meredith Grey comparison. And I’m realizing that the two comments directly above mine say the exact same thing.
I was so addicted to this book and it is still deliciously fun to mock.
I don’t know if you got to this part in the series yet but:
Renesme?
Is she joking??
I so couldn’t make it through the first third of the first book, so I admire you for being able to make it! I love reading what people who did read it have to say. (There can never not be lulz.) Except, hey! “Ew,” is a perfectly reasonable response to snow! I did just that not an hour ago when the news announced that more snow is on the way. It’s cold and wet and piles up on top of your car. Whinge.
This is the first I’ve read of your blog, but I’m hooked already. I think it’s insanely awesome how well you articulated my exact thoughts!!
-Haley Faye
Ben — Oh, I know! I thought she was kidding at first! And no, Brandy hasn’t gotten that far: she’s only now reading Twilight.
Ben! Renesmee isn’t until the fourth book!
Hey, *I* can tie a cherry stem in my mouth! Does that mean I too can have an absurdly handsome, beautiful, gorgeous, attactive vampire lusting after me?
Kimmers: There’s a good chance. Possibly, the abdusrdly handsome, beautiful, gorgeous, attractive vampire (with a ton of self control) that is lusting after you lies in your future. See, you have to move to the right rainy town and tempt him with your blood and then he’s yours forever.
I liked the first book, despite the whole “I am nothing without this boy I shouldn’t be with” aspect. But… by the second book, I was honestly getting kind of skeeved out. Why would ANYONE want to be with a guy who’s eternally 17?
I haven’t read these books yet, but now I must! I suspect that they will make me irrationally angry and yet I won’t be able to put them down.
I agree, the whole reason I read Twilight is to laugh at it. I think the general ideas for the books are wonderful, but poorly executed. I can’t help but wonder how amazing this series would be if it had been written by someone with the same talents as JK Rowling. I feel like the whole story is just TOO out there sometimes, it never really feels like it could be happening. Despite the fantastical elements of Harry Potter, at least something about those books make them seem real.
I also feel like the characters in the Twilight series are completely flat, and at times unoriginal. I wish there was some more to Bella, even though it seems like Meyer TRIED to make her appear “deep.” She has been written before….and her problems with being clumsy are over the top, like you said. How many times must we hear a description of Mike helping her look less bad in gym? It gets…well boring.
After saying all that, I still love the books and am very excited for the movie on Friday. I’m curious to see what you think of Breaking Dawn, I’ve found people either love it or hate it. I personally feel like one book would have been sufficient, despite my liking of New Moon.
Sorry for rambling on you comments!!
Didn’t read the post because Daughter #2 is insisting that I read the book when she finishes.
1. I read all four books in a week. (So addicting.)
2. I had to keep putting them down to read the “awesome” parts to my roommates.
3. I think Meredith has much better motivation than Bella, but it was just dragged out WAY too long. Bella is just kind of a helpless idiot.
4. My favorite part about the first book (she doesn’t do it as much in the others) is how we see EVERY SINGLE THING that Bella eats. I do not give a flying frak about your effing granola bar. It is OKAY to SKIP NARRATING YOUR MAIN CHARACTER’S MEALS.
5. I know that Edward is dangerous and all, but didn’t it strike any of you that he might be, well, a tad over-dramatic about it?
6. Sorry for the shouting. I’ve been contemplating writing my own post of this sort, but I’m afraid that I might break the internet with the force of my wrath.
I enjoyed this post so much, I read the book and I did really enjoy it but I admit the whole adoration of Edward was disturbing.
You are so right with the whole DAZZLING quotes, too much. Yet he did charm me and I admit almost getting sucked in.
The books do suck you in like they have a spell over it, very hard to put down. I still think it is unhealthy for all those screaming girls I see on the telly wanting to meet ¨edward¨ to get too caught up with it.
In regards to Bella: Is it even possible to fall down so many times? I have a love/hate relationship with her. I can’t stand how fragile she is Same thing with Meredith…even though I still love her. It’s like get a grip woman!
Oh that quote cracks me up. Stephanie Meyer’s writing is a little too much, and I’m bothered by a lot of messages in the books (especially the later ones). Word is that the movie is better than the book, it’s just an entertaining story without being bludgeoned to death by Meyer’s writing. I am totally in love with Robert Pattinson and Kristin Stewart because they both recognize how ridiculous their characters are and talk about it. Often.
I can’t stop reading that quote and laughing. I went through a huge Harlequin romance phase in my teens, and I still don’t think I read anything quite like that.
Oh, one thing I forgot. I was reading USWeekly.com today and saw the most disturbing thing ever: “Just the other day, Pattinson realized, “there were some girls who had scratched … the side of their necks so [they were] freshly bleeding when they came up to get a signature. “They were like, ‘We did this for you.’ I didn’t know what to say. ‘Um, thanks guys?’”
W. T. F.
Like I tweeted, it’s a total cringefest. But goddamn, I love it. And seriously, it gets progressively worse with each book. Stephenie’s a horrible writer. Quite possibly the most awful one I’ve read in a long time. But she knows how to tell a story. Couldn’t put the books down.
I think I might have to give this Twilight thing a go… It sounds intriguing.
i agree with everything you said about the book.
honestly.
which makes it all the more confusing as to WHY I’M SO OBSESSED.
cuz i am. seriously.
I really need to read this. Weirdly, this is the post which has convinced me most . . .
Never read the book, in fact I never even heard of it.
HA!
these are like my thoughts on your page! i love the books, and have read them all (finished the last one yesterday).
bella annoys me no end though! always putting herself down, acting like edward is the sun, i mean, can even a vampire be that good looking?
at the same time, i love them cos they are different, like my favourite parts arent really the bella and edward parts, but the bits about the vampires and their history and stuff…man the stuff she comes up with is fascinating! kinda like why i loved harry potter.
and btw…all the stuff u find kinda annoying here ie. bella stuff? only gets worse as they go on! haha, but i guarantee ull have to read them all
im not reading this until laaater.
because im still on page 50.
at what point do you get the.. “i cant put this damn thing down feeling?”
maybe i just need to make more time for it. hmm.
You know I loved this book, but I have to agree with Jamie – as ridiculous as it is, I can’t help but read it. Kind of like Charm School & Rock of love – it’s so bad it’s almost great.
She was always talking about his eyes. His eyes this, his eyes that. It kind of killed me for a bit. But then I kept remembering that this was written for kids, not 30 year olds, and just started fantasizing about Edward instead.
Aren’t those books meant for 13 year-old teenie boppers anyway? I mean, c’mon. Vampires who fall in love? Give me a fucking break.
Of course, I’m not exactly the audience, but those books irritate me.
I haven’t read the books nor do I understand all the craziness surrounding the movie. And if Edward is suppose to be this gorgeous creature why did they cast a guy who constantly looks homeless out in public. The guy is always going on and on about how he never washes his hair. I guess teenagers find that attractive?!?
Ok. I still have not read the book AND have to even more now that I’ve read this post. Just to satisfy my curiosity on why people went
ga-ga over it. I plan to read only the first one. Not the whole series.
Hope I’m not disappointed.
i’m so glad i randomly stumbled across your blog. haha, i love this post. i’m right in the middle of being sucked into stephanie meyers vampire world, and i’m not too sure why. so many parts of the books annoy me…but I can’t stop reading. such horrible writing in some parts. i’m just glad i’m not the only person over the age of 20 who can’t stop reading these stupid books.
I loved the books, but I’ve laughed out loud repeatedly at some of the random stuff Meyer wrote. The swooning wording can be a bit much – reminds me of some of the more potent parts of Austen’s work (combined w/ a few romance novel adjective strings).
However, I always wonder about Meyer based on the clothing Bella wears. I mean, I know she isn’t fashion conscious but a long khaki skirt? Or Alice’s “red leather pants and sequined top”… reminds me of the 90s.
Quick note: ALL those boys chasing after Bella… it happens. It sounds crazy but that’s how small towns are. The new girl is novel, interesting, unknown. All the boys crush on her for the first month or so and then drop it. (umm hello? Meyer? Drop it!)
I heart you and this post.
I only have 2 words for you:
CRAZY VAMPIRES!
You know, I like my vampires to spend a lot of their time sexin’ it up, as they do in those Anne Rice (pre-come-to-Jesus) books, and in Christopher Moore’s Bloodsucking Fiends, and as seen on True Blood. Thanks for taking one for the team Brandy and re-telling Twilight from the trenches of overblown description.
Omg I completely agree. I read the entire thing in a day because I COULDN’T put it down, and I ended up writing a blog post really similar to this! I don’t know what it was that made me keep reading…the storyline maybe? Certainly not the flat, lifeless characters.
Also, I always thought that the 17-year old girl falling in love with a 100-year old (or whatever) vampire thing was creepy as hell too. I work with a bunch of teenagers and it makes me cringe when one of them starts dating someone over 20, let alone in their hundreds! Just because he looks 18 doesn’t mean a thing.
And yeah..him looking in on her every night while she’s sleeping? CREEPY!
I may go out and read the rest of the books, but I don’t know if I can handle it just yet.
The books were written by a 29 year old who had never seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and she cranked out the entire series in 3 months….soo….. apparently I’m going to start writing books.
My question is, why does it take so many pages to get to the plot? I know I get it, she moves to a new school, meets new people. Does that really take 300 plus pages out lay out? I’m now reading New Moon, I feel it necessary to see this whole thing to the end, especially since all of my 8th grade girls are swooning over the books.
I didn’t read this and most likely never well. I already know I won’t really like it. Just like I don’t like Harry Potter and can’t STAND Jodi Piccoult. Trendy books are not my gig. Everyone tells me ‘I won’t be able to put it down’ but the entire time all I want to do is put it down.
And, I think the movie looks freaking weird.
On a side note, have you heard of the book Dewey? It was written about a library cat from my hometown. It’s a New York Times Bestseller — oddly enough! You should read it. It’s actually very good. (Unless you hate cats.)
I think you’re going to go over your comment max on this post w/ all the Twilight fans, but I couldn’t agree more. I enjoyed the book, even finished the 2nd one and have yet to buy the 3rd/4th ones, but seriously all the worshipping Bella does gets pretty obsessive in an annoying way. And the same goes for Edward sneaking into her bedroom each night = creepy. But I still liked the books. Warning: the 2nd book gets a bit extreme w/ all of Bella’s moping. I’m hoping the 3rd will be better.
And her clothing choices!?!? Come on! I know she’s not into fashion but seriously could she dress any more like a grandma? She’s a freaking teenager for goodness sakes!
Holy Crow (!!) 51 comments already??
Anyway – this post kind of made me pee my pants. As I said in a previous comment, I enjoyed the books, but there were parts that annoyed the crap out of me. Especially Bella. I don’t know what it is, but I rarely like the protagonists of stories. I’m not sure why. But with Bella…the worshiping of Edward was a bit over the top. Also, reading the books made me look back and wonder if I was ever like Bella when I was a teenager. I’m going to say probably not…but JFC, if I was then I applaud my parents for not killing me.
Also, I will admit that I’m still a little bitter about the last book and how Stephanie Meyers chose to do some things. I’m not a vampire expert by any means, but I do love me some vampire movies and books and TV shows (Buffy is a timeless classic, in my opinion). And one thing I know about vampire stuff is that you have to be consistent with your vampire mythology throughout your story. And I feel Ms. Meyers did not do so with the last book. But apparently I’m in the minority with that though…whatevs.
Aaaaaand now I must stop writing because I will become obsessed and start going on and on about how certain things just don’t make any sense.
I’m not to sure how I feel about this book yet. I was skeptical to begin with (it’s just not the type of book that I typically enjoy, and I’m still kind of on the fence!
This post made me laugh :)
Haven’t read the book and won’t and not going to see the movie either. Not because I’m a killjoy, but just because I don’t really get into all that vampire stuff. But it is entertaining seeing my coworkers get all ga-ga over the Edward (Edward, right? his name is Edward?) character in the movie. I read today that he hasn’t washed his hair in SIX WEEKS. I can’t imagine what that kind of wax smells like. Nasty.
Also, it’s creepy that he watches her sleep. And it’s sad that I know he does that.
I quit Grey’s in season 2 for the same reason I quit this book series halfway through book 3. Love the Meridith comparison! Spot on lady!
I must admit that books one and two sucked me in like only vampires can! And yes, I will be in the theatre Friday. I’m 31 and I am a Twilight sucker!
Ummm, yeah. I skipped those books. Also skipped Harry Potter. Shoot me.
It’s all completely laughable. The 24-year-old in me is questioning the 12-year-old who read the book. Seriously? You’re borderline obsessive over him?! Sweet mother!
Anyway….loved the book…loved this post…love you.
hahahah. i haven’t even read twilight. i don’t really plan on it either. but seriously. this post? you rock. i LOVE it.
I love this post. I love it so much I want to hang it on my office wall because some people really need to read it. Yes, I enjoyed the books but I definitely mock them now. How many times does he “dazzle” her? EVERY FREAKING PAGE. She’s definitely Meredith Gray-ish. And she’s definitely not acting her age. You are my new best friend for this!
I love this post, and I love Twilight [yes, I am addicted] – and I agree with you Meredith and Bella are alike – although Meredith has been getting on my nerves lately – it’s like SUCK IT UP! Bella hasn’t gotten to that point yet with me, and I’ve finished the books…
But great post – it was definitely a laugh – and a lot of points that are so true, but maybe that’s why it’s so addictive? Like crack, as someone mentioned earlier :)
I am SO WITH YOU. Have you read the rest of the series? It gets worse, so much worse. I couldn’t even finish the 4th book, such was my annoyance with Bella.
I enjoyed Twilight, though. It was an easy, fun read. But it was a little unsettling when one minute they were in a baseball field in the middle of a forest and the next minute I was reading a completely different book. The last third of the book was fan-freaking-tastic.
I find it so odd that people compare this series to Harry Potter. In HP, there is character growth and a coming of age for all of the main characters. Bella is still Bella no matter what happens to her.
Best book ever. I love that it takes place in my home state and I have a thing for vampires lately.
[...] inhaled the books (3x) and can’t wait to see what Hardwicke throws at us. However, like Brandy, I can’t help but laugh at some of the ridiculousness of the book. This leads right into the [...]
Perhaps I should read the book and your blog post before commenting. I got carried over by all the commenting I did yesterday, suffering withdrawls and whatnot today.
The love for you that i have has just been cemented in stone. Just to let you know.
I haven’t even read the books but I have a strong feeling I would react EXACTLY the same way. I still am refusing to read it (and will continue to. Unless I get the urge to find out just how bad it is) It just seems way too ridiculous.
Oh my god. I am in love with you. I thought I was the only person who read the book (and enjoyed it) but has all those same feelings.
I totally think Edward is a creeper. He is not perfect at all..I mean first off, he is going to be 17 forever? Second, it is so weird that he goes to her bedroom at night.
I loved all of your comments…seriously, awesome.
Stephanie Meyer had the right idea…but like word choice…yeah…i’m sick of seeing the word perfect. I love how you put all the adjectives she uses to describe Edward..so funny!
Be my best friend now, k? Cool.
Your comment about the breat situation adn how great Edwards breath smells just literally made me laugh out loud ! hilarious!
LOVE IT
You crack me up, lady. I haven’t given in to Twilight fever, and judging by this? I don’t think I’ll be planning on it anytime soon!
It’s official. I’m going to hate this book, but I’m going to read it anyway just to be sure. And for the record I’ve been to Port Angeles and there are no street thugs that Bella needs to be protected against there.
I serously think I should reconsider my Twilight ban…sounds positively FUN….
[...] English Mum helps us spend some money Gareth has some new additions Red writes to herself Brandy incurs the wrath of Jenn from F&F (probably) Cordy does the right thing Nilsa reflects on her idea Hannah tells [...]
so what i heard was…if Heidi and Spencer, with their gel perfect hair, were doing keg stands on the beach with Brody and company, they would blend right in with the book- must read!
Haven’t read it. Sounds like it’s so bad it’s good, which is a genre all to itself.
Reminds me of the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon only that isn’t for the YA crowd…every time the main characters were in peril they’d have sex. Ridiculous – but I kept reading.
I’ve read all the books and completely admire your restraint right now. I went on a tirade after each one. And yet, I continued reading. The books are really like a car wreck… you know they’re bad but you just can’t help looking/reading.
wow…
and that’s because you LIKDED the book…
can’t wait to see one u hate!! :)
hhhehehehe
Seriously, Brandy, if you’re making fun of the first one, you’ve got to push through and read the fourth…Breaking Dawn has SO many things for you to quote.
Bella as Meredith TOTALLY makes sense…and they’re both near Seattle, haha.
Now, after reading all of those descriptions of how GORGEOUS Edward is, what do you think of the pick for Edward in the movie? He doesn’t exactly make me swooooon.
Somebody seems a little obsessed, eh?
Also, your quotes from the book remind me more than a little bit of the Harry Potter books, which I absolutely, totally do not adore.
I cannot wait! for you to get to the incessant murmuring and sighing Edward does, and oh, how is hands, his skin, his touch is ice cold, cold as ice, so cold, cold cold cold.
Oh, and the second the third books. (Some awesome parts with a lot of WTF? parts thrown in for fun! I literally threw my book at one point. The third one, I think.)
While I verily believe Bella is the silliest vampire lover ever, I enjoyed the books too, and enjoyed the movie more than I thought I would. (There’s a non-spoilery post about my thoughts on the movie at my site today.)
I can’t believe there are adult women reading this stuff. You do all know that it was written by a member of the Church of Latter Day Saints (i.e., Mormon), and is an allegory about avoiding sex before marriage, right? I googled Twilight / Mormon and I found a whole nest of Mormon blogs out there, most of them written by women, who refer to the Young Women (capitalized) of church, and most reverentially to the wonderful message Meyers is getting out to young girls that they must save themselves for their husbands. Although to give them their due, one Mormon blogger complained of the clunky prose and wished the story had been written by someone more talented! Some of the blogs were really creepy.
I’ve no intention of reading the books, so I really enjoyed your post, Brandy. As always, you made me hoot out loud.
I didn’t read this post because I so missed out on the whole Twilight thing and still need to read the books.
But I wanted to let you know you rock and I gave you an award. It’s on my site.
oh brandy. you had me at sprightly pixie. :)
it’s sitting on my nightstand waiting for me to crack it open. :) i’m pretty certain i’ll share your feelings, but i’ll let you know for sure. :)
Just like reading one of those exceedingly cheesy books. I wish some writers would cut out with the “perfect” this and that. It’s just grotesque.
You are my new blog crush for this post. Award is forthcoming (next time I get one!!)
I loved the book but totally agree that Bella is 17 going on 40 and has a tendency to whine, whine, whine. And vampire or not, I’d draw the line at “I watch you sleep every night.”
Yet, for some reason, I’m completely and totally addicted…I usually don’t like sci fi or fantasy because the whole time I’m thinking THIS COULD NEVER HAPPEN! EVER! But I think I like Twilight because it reminds me of my Dawson’s Creek-loving teenage years.
Your post is the first that actually made me want to read this book. I’m having a bit of fun being a hold out.
I just did a Twilight post too! Ha what a silly series. So addicting! You have to see the movie it is seriously way better than the books. Not cheesey or over done and it is beautifully shot.
Jeez…I forced myself to wait until I finished the book to comment and cursed you every time I came back to your blog and saw this post still at the top.
I finished it this morning and agree, wholeheartedly, with the commenter who said these books are like crack. They so are, and I’ve only finished Twilight.
I noticed everything you mentioned in your post while reading the book, but loved it anyway.
Although, the sneaking into her room every night while she was sleeping? Definitely very creepy.
Amazing how many of us agreed completely with your post, yet are still enamored with the book/series. I wasn’t aware of any LDS connection, but that’s interesting, and I’ll check it out.
Just bought the second book, New Moon, today. My daughter and I are fighting over who will read it first. Since she is out this evening with her hubby, I’ll be taking the first bite out of it. ;)
KJ
http://www.nanadiaries.com
Please, please PLEASE paraphrase all the books for me. I was sad when your post ended.
I read the first book on a raving review from a friend and decided it was one of the most horribly written things I’d ever read, with uninteresting characters that were not only mary sues, but annoying as hell. (You know your friends suck when they all find this book to be life-changing.) I’ve read all the books, and I think the only thing that could have ever redeemed them would have been if that epic battle had actually happened in the last book. Near the end, I was all “Fuck yes!”. I was excited. But NO. Nothing that even approached being awesome could possibly be found within the pages of that novel.
I think the best part about Twilight was the fact that they made a movie. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed harder in a movie theatre than I did yesterday. Carlisle looked like a cross between Peewee Herman and something from Candy Land. The baseball scene where Laurent and company showed up? Reminded me of that dance in West Side Story with the snapping of the fingers.
Awesome times. Good post.
Oh. I work in a book store as well, and I think the saddest thing ever is seeing my coworkers gush about Twilight. Somebody posted the Head Trip comic in the break room, which made my day. I’m really worried for the intellectual future of my generation when every second transaction I put through on cash is someone buying a Twilight book. Sad, sad, sad.
Brandy, This really made me laugh! I love the way you think! I’m even a big fan of the Twilight series! I started reading them back in October and couldn’t put them down! Although I have to agree with everything you said, but all in all — it’s great and entertaining reading!! :)
Keep up the great blogging, I always look forward to your posts!
[...] What was your biggest failure? Failing almost all of last years resolutions. Or, jumping on the Twilight bandwagon. OR [...]
Jeeze every single comment is in agreement with you? THAT is creepy! Did you just delete those that opposed your view or is it as I strongly believe that this book is so universally bad, yet so deadly addictive to so many that everyone get exactly what you are saying but were syill hooked on reading it (like crack that cheap but deadly driug that hooked even Whitney Houston). I hate Bella most of all! What a wussy wimp and bad role model for women. So The Latter Day Saint writer Myers want you to be like Bella and “save” yourself till marriage but its fine to set the advancement of women back by 50 years by making the heroine be a weak female idolizing an aggressive alpha male who wants to totally control the heroine and those who are close to her and does a peeping tom routine on you every night? Also I guess we are suppose to believe that we niece white woman should forgo anyone with even a little biy of Melanin and be so strickjen by deathly white skin. Sound a little Aryan Nation/White Power/Neo Nazi/KKK to me. This is a bad book and no every teenage white female is not going to go googoo gaga over it. I am a 18 year old college blond (yes we have brains too) female and I forced myself to read the series that my best friend bought while popping gravol not to hurl, and I don’t find one thing remotely good, entertaining or interesting about these books. I will never read anything by Myers ever again. Oh the gem you wrote among you many gem is why would so many guys be chasing Bella? After we are introduced to her as an plain, dumpy looking, moody, anti-social, rude and interesting teenager? What a load of crap!
Ok when I finally stopped laughing so hard I decided to post. What a lovely and succint description of all the things that irritated me about the book but couldn’t quite put my finger on. I read Laurell K Hamilton, Tanya Huff, Nancy Baker and the other Nancy who writes the Sonya Blue stuff… I have no objection to vampires without sex, I was a huge Rice fan till Hamilton came along. But really Bella isn’t interested in saving herself for Edward…Last I recalll she was all hot to get in his pants. He’s the one that wanted to wait. He talked her into it. Or am I mistaken? I read them once and that was enough.
Things that I agree on:
Yes it’s weird that Edward is a glorified stalker revered and adored for his invasion of her privacy.
Yes’ it’s also weird he’s 200+ to her 16….what could they possibly talk about?
Yes it’s weird he’s in love with what amounts to his favourite food. I love steak but you don’t hear me asking to marry it. And that’s not cos I’m already married.
Yes she’s so insipid she makes oatmeal look wild and crazy.
Yes it’s also weird that all the boys want her. Why hasn’t some cheerleader keyed her car in a jealous fury or even mild irritation?
But what’s the weirdest thing about Twilight? The addiction factor. Strangely I remain immune but I imagine that’s because I consume a large quantity of books full of high octane vampire blood violence and sex. Thankfully this gives me some resistance to a book that is the equivalent of playing footsie under the table. Does that mean we, as female readers in general, will ignore all but the most atrocious writing in order to enjoy a psuedo heathcliff/catharine romance? (not that I think either of Rosten come’s close to that depth). Maybe there’s a vaccine for it?
Again awesome post. And much kudos to all the witty people who responded…even if you are a bunch of junkies at least your smart and non self deluding junkies!
OMG. The Bella & Meredith connection! I am SO GLAD that someone else noticed this!
I feel so much better now.
I only read the books because it meant, “OMG Miss Anomaly is the coolest substitute teacher EVAR.”