Five Things I refuse to apologize for
1. My wit. And my modesty. And any lame attempt at a joke that has failed like me in a high school calculus class.
2. Wearing Uggs. I get it. People think they are unattractive. But seriously, who can show me a winter boot that IS fashionable? And one that I can put on in roughly 0.24 seconds? (Which? Is pretty high on the list of requirements for my winter footwear when I have to run outside and laugh hysterically at deal with children who have decided to lick metal playground equipment). I save my scorn for more worthy topics, like fascism and white crocheted belly shirts. (Grade six was an interesting year for me fashion wise). Trust.
3. My love for Mandy Moore.
4. My new competitive nature. Last night, I watched the football game while standing on my couch. Yelling. Loudly. I’m thisclose to painting my face with team colors and moving to the States for the chance to vote in the next election the football parties. I’m telling you people, when I find a new hobby? I fall fast.
5. Hugging strangers. Or, you know, just hugging the tall, bespectacled guy who works at the craft store who gave me a tip on how to uglify my Christmas sweater for the Christmas party I’m going to this Saturday. (Sidenote: A man who knows more about about glitter glue than me is both alluring and alarming all at once. But… MORE alarming than anything. It was the crazy eyes he got when he started talking about ‘pastel glitter glue’ that fixed his fate. I like my men to know about you know, glue… but knowing more than me about crafting supplies? We start to wander into an unusual territory I like to call “brandy is uncomfortable-land”. There are always casualties when that happens).
Speaking of, (I know, I’ve been all Barbra Walters on you lately with the questions) anyone have any tips on how to really uglify a sweater? I currently have two options- one black, gold and cream Dynasty-esque sweater that can be remade over, or the ugliest Christmas table cloth ever. Sadly, I was late to the thrift shops and all the actual Christmas themed train-wrecks sweaters were gone, so any tips would be awesome. Maintaining any sense of dignity isn’t a factor- winning is more important.
Oh! And that last line applies to my entire life, not just ugly sweater contests.
Just one more thing I refuse to apologize for.
(this is where I would Z-snap if my life was a movie)