1. If I ever audition for American Idol, I will focus on SONG CHOICE. And you know, not sucking as a singer. And for the record? I despise bikini girl. NOT because she wore a bikini to the first audition, but because she talks like a baby. If Randy wore a bikini, I would not hate him. If he talked like a baby? Yes, there would be hate. Baby talk is grounds for friendship termination. Baby talk. It’s no good. Lesson learned.
2. There are situations where it’s impossible to say the right thing. Where every possible word will be taken the wrong way, every sentence turns into an accusation, every topic change just to avoid what you don’t even know you are avoiding- is seen as an insult. And it’s exhausting. And yet, I keep thinking of how to fix it, because some things are worth a bruised ego. Lesson learned.
3. Why does my wine hangover always seem 100 times worse than any other type of hangover? I’m confident that I could drink enough vodka to fill a bathtub and still not feel as bad as I do after two glasses of a crisp white wine. I woke up yesterday morning and was convinced the only way I was ever going to feel better was if someone would drill into my brain to relieve the pressure. When you think power tools entering your skull is what is going to save you, there’s a serious problem. Wine is not my friend. Lesson learned.
4. Not having a bra on will always make things awkward. (Hey 7-11 cashier! Meet my headlights, and yes! You are right! It is cold outside). Ugh. I NEED TO MAKE BETTER CHOICES. Lesson learned.
5. Typing “Lesson learned” after each lesson is both annoying and redundant. Lesson learned.
In other news (I could so make it as a news anchor), I’ve gotten some emails asking people if they can still hand in secrets for “The Secret Project“. My answer? Why not? Rules are made to be broken, especially rules I created myself. How about try and hand them in by Friday? And because that last sentence felt really teacher-y, I’m going to end this post the way I ended all my writing assignments up until 3rd year university third grade:
THE END.
Brandy. Brandy. Brandi. Brandee.
1st – let me just say? headlights? RULE.
2nd – How in the hell do you get a hangover from wine? I NEVER DO! I’m lucky slash gifted slash anointed by god!
xoxo
Oh, by the way that was from ex-everything. I uhm started a different blog you know. wheeeeeeeeeee!
When it comes to American Idol auditions, I just wonder why there are so many people that think they can bargain their way into the show. If you can’t sing, you’re just wasting your time. Hence; I despise bikini girl also.
That’s strange about the wine hangover, as you are the only other person I know besides my ex that gets them.
I hate to say it but American Idol auditions just wouldn’t be the same if all the contestants could sing. Some of these people and their reactions are utterly hilarious. Yet for some reason, I still want to audition to myself.
because some things are worth a bruised ego..I wholeheartedly agree withthis statement – as I say often in my marriage and in general – sometimes I’d rather be happy then right…
Seriously, the wine hangover is the worst. Even if it’s something light like a Moscato, you still feel like you had it out with a bouncer the next morning.
My fifth grade students are NOT allowed to write THE END at the end of the their papers. I tell them, “I can see that the paper is over….there is nothing else to read.”
And bikini girl is soooo annoying! I also do not let my fifth graders use baby talk! So if they can’t, then grown adult women can’t either! I hope the women tear her up!
Its funny because I get a worse hangover with beer than wine.
I also loved ending everything with the end too!
One time I didn’t wear a bra to work (because I somehow misplaced it the night before. long story)…that was ummm…interesting. And awkward.
Just this morning I was getting dressed for work in a stupor and was on my way out the door when I realized I had layered on a tank top, t-shirt and sweater and somehow forgot the bra. That’s going to be a problem when the company you work for is 99% men.
I totally agree about bikini girl. So annoying.
The bra thing? Yep…If I went braless, I would knock myself out just by doing a quick step across a parking lot. And let’s not talk about the pain. Dear Lord…I’d be in so much pain…I can’t even think about it. And now that I’m older…without a bra, there would be no fear of embarrassment about headlights. Cuz mine hang down to my knees and would certainly be mistaken for knee caps instead…
I bet if you went to audition for American Idol without a bra, you’d advance to the next round. THE END.
I feel worse when I drink champagnes and wines than regular liquors too, weird..:P
I hate bikini girl, too. It’s obvious the male judges are just trying to rile up the ladies on the panel. They cannot possibly think that her voice is good enough.
I’m a fan of the tequila hangover. Give it a shot.
Some folks put prosthetic nipples in their brassieres, just to achieve the same effect. Did the 7-11 employee give you the ‘Friends and Family’ discount?
Bikini wench needs to go. I love your lists – especially #5.
White wine is just about the only thing that DOES NOT give me a hangover. Weird, huh? Bed red wines give me a thumping headache the next day that seems to last for 2-3 days. Hence, I don’t drink it much. But the worst hangover of all for me? VODKA HANGOVERS. Those are death.
Oops, totally meant *But red wines.
Apparently I’m not awake yet. ha.
I have trouble with wine too and that makes me sad. The world is not ready for me without a bra.
I hate American Idol, period.
Yeah, going out without a bra on is awkward. Unless I have layers upon layers on, I try not to do it. But at the same time, I hate having to go put on a stupid bra just because I need to run somewhere quickly.
I hate the bikini girl. She is what is wrong with society today. Also, I’m not wearing a bra right now and it’s awesome.
I can’t stand wine… of any kind. This makes me sad.
Also hate bikini girl. I hope she gets shredded once the REAL show starts.
THE END!
far be it to me to suggest mixing drugs and alcohol, but i used to get the wine hangovers too. one day i went to a wine tasting and when the host asked why i wasn’t drinking (it was a charity thing, so i paid knowing that i wouldn’t drink) i told him.
turns out, the hangover is a result of a tannin allergy 99% of the time. take a couple benedryls before drinking and you’ll be golden. AND, as a bonus, the wine exes out the sleepy factor you usually get with benedryl.
it’s genius.
i can pretend to be classy at fancy dinners without ending up with a headache. i would get it so bad that i would be hung over before i finished a second glass.
Even though I love wine, it has the same effect on me. Just on glass can make my head want to split in two.
Bra? Always required to hold up the girls (for me). Otherwise, very, very unattractive.
the wine thing is killer for me too. I dont generally drink a lot of wine (mainly because i haven’t found one i like), but when i do? yuck. hangover. that benedryl idea sounds ok though ;)
and I love your Secret Project!
I’ve heard that wine hang overs are the worst. Must be the sugar content?
I think a man invented the bra and should be shot!
THE END.
Oh no! I’m like a rockstar when it comes to drinking wine, it just doesn’t effect me hangover-wise.
And oh dear as far as the headlights. Lucky for me I’m built like a 12 year old boy/muppet so I don’t need to worry as much about that.
I am here to tell you hatred of bikini girl extends across the pond. I can’t believe she got through to Hollywood.
1. Baby talk is grounds for getting smacked upside the head with a clue-by-four.
2. “Yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often. Best to say nothing at all, my dear man.” — Albus Dumbledore
3. Is it cheap wine? My best defense against a hang over is copious amounts of tylenol and water BEFORE crashing into bed.
4. THIS POST IS USELESS WITHOUT PICTURES!
5. Lesson learned.
I think you may be making bad choices in wine. I find that cheap wine always gives me hangovers. Good wine, doesn’t.
or any kind of Merlot. I hate Merlot, I’m not even sure why they make so much of it.
And going bra-less? In the US, that would land you a husband.
I HATE BIKINI GIRL TOO. If she were an average-looking slightly overweight girl, she NEVER would have gotten to stay. My friend was over at my house last night and was making fun of the way she sang, so I got her on video imitating her and it is hilarious. I’m considering posting it to the blog.
Also, wine gives me the WORST headaches the next day. Glad to know I’m not the only one.
I will be sending you a secret!
And as for hangovers… white wine doesn’t usually hurt me so much (I drank 2/3 bottle last night and am fully functional today…), but too much red leaves me with a headache for sure.
As for bikini girl – dear GOD she’s so annoying! She’s obviously good press for the show (because we’re talking about her…), but she needs to get canned next time.
I HATE bikini girl. I sincerely wanted Kara to punch her in the face!
Bras…I wear one as little as possible. I guess the fact that I have very little up top helps. I need to put one on more often though.
Hangovers…I swear by Emergen-C. It’s got a mega bost of B12. It’s amazing.
I hate the whole “flopping in the wind” bra-lessness, but damn, I know I’m getting old because that’s all I want to do when I get home…that, and, drink wine. (It’s vodka that leaves me craving power tools.)
I’m glad you hate bikini girl too, because gah. It felt like I was the only one. Or because I watched it with my husband, and let’s face it: He didn’t hate bikini girl.
And even if you go to the grocery store in a sweatshirt without a bra on, you should check the temperature upon entry and make sure you don’t have to walk around the entire store with your arms crossed. Uhh, lesson learned?
Oh man, wine is the WORST hangover for sure. The headaches are from hell.
& (not so)lucky for me my boobs are like NEGATIVE A size so I can go around sans bra and no one really notices :]
Yes on the wine hangovers. Although, it shouldn’t be that way! I thought hard alcohol was called “hard” for a reason…
Wine hangovers are the worst. Not even headlights can neutralize the negative that is a wine hangover.
OMG, #2 is like EVERY FREAKING ARGUMENT I ever had with The Evil Ex Roommate. Once she’d decided to get pissed off at me (usually for some innocuous comment that was not intended to do so, but somehow it was my fault anyway for saying it…) there was absolutely NOTHING I could say would stop the argument, it would just escalate, and escalate…
Ugh, I get angry just thinking about it.
Hope your situation is more easily remedied!
wine hangovers are brutal but it usually takes a few more than 2 for me to get one. luckily, i don’t know the meaning of keeping it classy and not getting completely sloppy drunk everytime i imbibe so i always end up with a hangover. hooray!
and another thing…the bikini bitch must die. i seriously want to chop her head off with a toothbrush if for nothing else than simply that obnoxious, high pitched, nasel-y voice of hers. UGH!!
It’s posts like this that make me want to pop up to Canada, kidnap you and bring you back to Philadelphia and stash you under my bed. But I promise to take you out a lot. So we can play and drink wine and go shoe shopping and admire cute boys from afar while donning said shoes and sipping said wine.
Oh and if this comment makes me sound uber creepy, my bad. But I’m still serious. Offer to live rent free under my bed has an indefinite shelf life.
Yuck! I completely agree about baby talk. I wouldn’t stay with someone who used it. The bikini thing is annoying, too, though. It’s like, just in case I suck look at my mostly naked body! Will that get me any points? SIMON? Come on! Hee.
Thank you for speaking out against baby talk. It drives me nuts. Is there anything worse then a grown up saying, “I snuggweled up wit my witty bitty kitten wast night, but I got so sweepy and my wittle eyes kept cwosing and I just fwell wight asweep.” I am not a violent person, but I want to punch people when they speak like that!
Wine hangovers are absolutely 100% the worst ever! EVER!!! I don’t get it… and yet it absoultely does not make me stay away from the wine. I can manage a glass, maybe two without any nasty hangover. But last year on Valentine’s Day? When I didn’t have a Valentine? I drank and entire bottle and the next day was not so pretty.
And I agree about bikini girl. I get it, she has a good body. I wish mine looked like that. But she thinks that talking like a baby and looking good should just give her anything she ever wants. Plus, I don’t think she has that great of a voice… and not because I’m jealous of her body. because, umm, she doesn’t have that great of a voice.
I never fully learn Lesson #3. I should have this tattooed on my hand.
You can be like Miss Cleo and people can always send you their secrets anytime of the day 24/7! You might just have to give some random psychic readings on the side..
Girls in bikinis? Girls with wine hangovers going out without undergarments on?
I’m sorry, were you talking about something? ;)
Oh, and #2? True way more often than it should be in life…
wineovers are ridiculous. yet i still continue to drink wine like it’s my job. oh well.
bikini girl is not my friend.
you though, are.
brandy 1, bikini girl -5.
Hahaha… I think I just had that #2 conversation the other day.
Baby talk is unacceptable, intolerable, and annoying as hell!! I don’t put up with it from my 6th graders… let alone Bikini Girl. She’s out!
Red wine is the worst for me. I agree- makes me wanna drill a damn hole in my skull… however, doesn’t keep me from drinking it when that’s the only option!! Lesson NOT learned.
Bra? I stayed home from work yesterday but had to run up to the school after the bell rang to get something. I didn’t wear a bra because I had numerous layers protecting my fever-riden body from the elements so no headlights were visible- but it still felt weird… cheers to better choices!!
I don’t like Bikini Girl either. I mean, she’s hot and all (I’m a guy, so I have to oogle some), but you’re right about that voice.
I like the hippie girl Rose, although I wish she put on some Birkenstocks. Not a lot of soft grassy areas in Hollywood, I’m afraid.
isn’t it the sugar in the wine that causes the problems?…
and baby talk?…ack…once had to share a hotel room at a dog show with a friend of a friend…a little lady who both snored louder than any man i have ever met AND baby-talked her g-damn dogs….by the end of the weekend…out of sheer exhastion…i and the unfortunate friend who invited her along were nearly ready to turn on each other like rabid dogs…
and now? i think i’m having flashbacks as i type this…double ack…
I hated how bikini girl would pose all the time. She bugged the everloving shit out of me and I am SO GLAD she is gone.
Wine hangovers are the worst. It’s been documented in a true story I like to call: Shaba Drinks A Bottle of Merlot and Feels Like Death.
Unfortunately this particular documentary is replayed every other weekend at The Boy Always Shows Up With Wine And Keeps It Pouring theater.
Re: wine… yeah, nothing makes me suicidal quite like indulging in a few too many glasses of Chardonnay. (I find it’s not so bad with other types of wine though…)
GOSH !! Bikini girl makes me wanna SLAP her!!
ARGH@!
what an infuriating woman!
u get bad vibes just from watching her on tv!
she should be wrapped in a MUMMY!
I’ve probably seen my brother wasted too many times not to try this wine thing myself. Unfortunately he has still to learn “his” lesson.
I want to punch Bikini Girl in the mouth. When she mentioned scoliosis on stage I was all, “Oh, hell, no.” Like, what else was she going to yammer on about? Her club foot? Split ends? ADHD?
I also hated how the male judges were accusing the female judges of being jealous. Come on guys. Just because some girl is walking around in a bikini with a rocking bod, doesn’t mean that we are automatically insecure and of course that MUST BE the only reason we don’t think she’s talented. GEEZE.
Phew, that felt good to get out of my system.
Also, I went bra-less the other day, and felt an incredible freedom that I hadn’t experienced in years. Although, I don’t think many people can pull off the “hello, these are my nipples” look as well as Jennifer Aniston. Somehow, she can do that and still be classy. Not sure how that works, but it does.
Bikini girl annoyed me and also my 2 daughters. I am so happy she is not on the show anymore (right? am I remembering it correctly? or just projecting my hope and recreating the memory?)
Here’s a secret to enjoying wine hangover-less (seriously). Try taking an antihistamine (like Claritin) either before you drink the wine or right before you go to sleep. There are a lot of histamines in wine which can cause headaches and that general crappy feeling.
Also, if you are drinking red wine try having a cup of black tea before you drink the wine and maybe one after a few glasses. The bioflavonoids in tea counteract the histamines that cause headaches.
I love wine (can you tell?)