Last year, I eased my own your fears and listed off a few things I think I everyone should just feel okay about. I titled the post “I promise” but said the alternate title could be “Things I do, so they should just be generally accepted as good ideas” and/or “This idea was stolen from Glamour magazine, one of the only beauty/fashion magazines I can tolerate because it doesn’t feature $9,000 dog carriers and there are no sex tips that involve donuts/midgets/ peacock feathers dipped in magical gold dust”. Naturally, I made a tag titled “midgets and/or peacock feathers dipped in gold”.
Shockingly, I have used this tag once.
I thought that would become a regular, but apparently I don’t talk about midgets as often as I thought I would.
I’ve decided I need to use this tag again, so today is a part II of the original post. So, here’s some more things I think you should feel okay about, because I do them and refuse to feel guilty life’s too short.
Hey, it’s okay….
- to not send out Christmas cards Or Valentines Day cards. Or Easter or birthday cards. E-cards are easier and are more likely to earn you a high-five from Al Gore & Mother Nature.
- to consider spending a day with children the best form of birth control.
- to become emotionally invested in American Idol.
- to dislike Jessica Biel just because she’s always looks like she’s close to hanging herself from the rafters with a very expensive vintage scarf. Dude. You are stunning, far more famous than your resume should permit, AND YOU ARE DATING JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. I ask you Jessica, how am I supposed to be properly jealous of your happiness, looks, career and boyfriend if you are not smugly throwing it in my face with excessive smiling in your photos? I implore you to reconsider the Gloomy Gus face.
- to feel that New Years Eve is bullshit.
- to shut the television off anytime someone starts talking about the economy. You know it’s bad without Brian Williams making sad face at you.
- to sneak the television back on but put it on mute so you can ignore the economy talk but still stare into the dreamy eyes of Brian Williams and imagine what your future children together will look like.
- to write really creepy comments about Brian Williams in a public forum.
- to think everything tastes better when you add cheese (oh, this reminds me, I need a tag about dairy products).
- to have tags that are far more interesting than entire posts. Le sigh.
- to buy Time, Newsweek and The New Yorker at the same time you are buying the last Twilight book. To you know, hide the fact that you are buying a book about teenage vampires balance out your literary needs.
- to write two posts in one night and have them both be lists. Check the other one out here. I talk about dating men who have dolphin tattoos on their upper thigh. Who doesn’t want to read more about that?!
On a serious note, thank you so much for all your great comments, emails, phone calls regarding my last post. I’m feeling far less crazy than I was before and although the situation hasn’t been completely sorted out, it looks like everything will be fine. Also? They still have no idea who did this, or HOW, but rest assured, if I ever track he/she down, there will be Hell to pay. Possibly involving a sleep deprivation, being forced to wear acid wash jeans and/or repeated listening of the last Ashlee Simpson cd.