Last year, I eased my own your fears and listed off a few things I think I everyone should just feel okay about. I titled the post “I promise” but said the alternate title could be “Things I do, so they should just be generally accepted as good ideas” and/or “This idea was stolen from Glamour magazine, one of the only beauty/fashion magazines I can tolerate because it doesn’t feature $9,000 dog carriers and there are no sex tips that involve donuts/midgets/ peacock feathers dipped in magical gold dust”. Naturally, I made a tag titled “midgets and/or peacock feathers dipped in gold”.
Shockingly, I have used this tag once.
I know.
I thought that would become a regular, but apparently I don’t talk about midgets as often as I thought I would.
I’ve decided I need to use this tag again, so today is a part II of the original post. So, here’s some more things I think you should feel okay about, because I do them and refuse to feel guilty life’s too short.
Hey, it’s okay….
- to not send out Christmas cards Or Valentines Day cards. Or Easter or birthday cards. E-cards are easier and are more likely to earn you a high-five from Al Gore & Mother Nature.
- to consider spending a day with children the best form of birth control.
- to become emotionally invested in American Idol.
- to dislike Jessica Biel just because she’s always looks like she’s close to hanging herself from the rafters with a very expensive vintage scarf. Dude. You are stunning, far more famous than your resume should permit, AND YOU ARE DATING JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE. I ask you Jessica, how am I supposed to be properly jealous of your happiness, looks, career and boyfriend if you are not smugly throwing it in my face with excessive smiling in your photos? I implore you to reconsider the Gloomy Gus face.
- to feel that New Years Eve is bullshit.
- to shut the television off anytime someone starts talking about the economy. You know it’s bad without Brian Williams making sad face at you.
- to sneak the television back on but put it on mute so you can ignore the economy talk but still stare into the dreamy eyes of Brian Williams and imagine what your future children together will look like.
- to write really creepy comments about Brian Williams in a public forum.
- to think everything tastes better when you add cheese (oh, this reminds me, I need a tag about dairy products).
- to have tags that are far more interesting than entire posts. Le sigh.
- to buy Time, Newsweek and The New Yorker at the same time you are buying the last Twilight book. To you know, hide the fact that you are buying a book about teenage vampires balance out your literary needs.
- to write two posts in one night and have them both be lists. Check the other one out here. I talk about dating men who have dolphin tattoos on their upper thigh. Who doesn’t want to read more about that?!
On a serious note, thank you so much for all your great comments, emails, phone calls regarding my last post. I’m feeling far less crazy than I was before and although the situation hasn’t been completely sorted out, it looks like everything will be fine. Also? They still have no idea who did this, or HOW, but rest assured, if I ever track he/she down, there will be Hell to pay. Possibly involving a sleep deprivation, being forced to wear acid wash jeans and/or repeated listening of the last Ashlee Simpson cd.
Brandy, you have got the BEST taste in men. Swooning over JT and Brian Williams in one post. That takes stealth and you have it. I’m now heading to bed, hoping visions of JT and BW dance in my head… Beyonce-style.
I love these posts. Babysitting is definitely birth control for me!
I feel so out of the loop. I had no idea Jessica Biel (or Jessica Bile as I like to refer to her) is dating JT. I feel so old.
And New Year’s Eve is bullshit! Thank you!
I agree whole heartedly about the children and Brian Williams.
Glad to hear that things will be ok in regards to your post yesterday.
Jessica Biel is one lucky girl, I hate the way she always lookslike something wrong.
Cheese is like the magical fairy dust of the dairy kingdom.
Though, I sort of feel the same way about whipped cream. I mean, come on, what kind of question is “Would you liked whipped cream on your milkshake/hot chocolate/Justin Timberlake?”
The answer is always a resounding “HELL YES.” It just makes everything better.
Also, Jessica Biel always seems like her name should be Jessica Bile.
PS-I’m super sorry about your hacker situation. No one should have to go through that. :-(
Cheese is my favorite food of all time. I could eat it on anything… maybe even cereal. It’s THAT good.
Right now, you may be my long lost soul mate.
I too dislike Jessica Biel! She always looks so cranky, if I were her, I’d be beaming! With an ass like that and a boyfriend like that, what’s to be pissy about?
Mmmm, cheese is in a class of food all it’s own. There is nothing else so perfect and versatile.
As for the hacker– I hope they find that person and I hope they DO have hell to pay. Yuck.
I like lists….my attention span only seems to permit lists these days.
As for Biel, I wonder if she’s just really hungry or something. I was reading an article the other day in which an actress said she would almost cry she was so hungry most of the time.
I too have never met a cheese I didn’t like.
I may be making my own Hey It’s OK list, so uh thanks in advance for letting me scavenge your ideas YET AGAIN.
New Years is bullshit and everything does taste better with cheese.
“to have tags that are far more interesting than entire posts. Le sigh.”
But I love ‘em.
Jessica Biel has a punchable face.
And yes, everything does taste better with cheese. It’s a proven fact. Proven by me.
I’m just addicted to the way you write, I can’t help it!
Your lists make me happy,and are very true. Especially about cheese.
I never send out cards either… I always mean to… you know- the thoughtful sincere kind, but it never happens. Maybe it’s the thought that counts? haha
What a fun list. These days, when my Google Reader climbs into the hundreds each day, I’m very glad to see lists.
I understand what you mean about not wanting to hear about the economy anymore. I get tired of hearing about it too.
sex tips envolving donuts interests me…
Thank you for this. SO much.
NYE is bullshit and spending time with kids is the best form of birth control! Incidentally? I’m also sick of hearing about the economy.
Okay, I just found your blog, and I love it!! I feel like I am the last person to know about you.
So…
Anyway, love your lists!! You said everything that I was thinking!! I feel bad not send out cards, now I don’t think I am going to anymore. It is just a waste. echristmas cards might be bettter….hmm….
Jessica McPoopyPooperson better give JT up before I hurt her, for reals.
I’m not the only one who finds Brian Williams dreamy?? Thank goodness.
Hahaha, thank you for this post. You’re in my brain today. Loved it.
I love the idea of this post! And I agree about greeting cards– I rarely send them and have NEVER judged someone for not sending me one. I kind of wish they would go out of vogue!
i read that as “that everyone tastes better when you add cheese.” which actually isn’t a bad call either.
i think you told me about the dood with the dolphin tat on his thigh. what a winner.
thank you! someone that share my love (obsession) of Brian Williams….seriously, i watch him every night.
I think cheese should actually have a warning label on it like cigarettes:
Warning: consumption of this product can lead to serious addiction which may cause severe constipation, bloating and enormous satisfaction of your food products. You will never eat without it again. You have been warned.
“You are stunning, far more famous than your resume should permit”
HA! i actually got a stomach pain because i laughed so LOUDLY and HARD when i read that. So freaking true.
If children are the best form of birth control (and I’m a firm believer in that one), then you aren’t spending enough time with them, because you’re still dreaming about your future kids with Brian Williams.
And also, everyone should be okay with beer for breakfast.
Glamour is my MOST favorite magazine, and this is my favorite part. I hear ya on the Jessica Biel thing – girlfriend is waking up next to JT every morning and has the body of a greek goddess, ummm hello – can’t ya pretend to smile?? Geesh.
I agree with the Jessica comment….but Glamour? Really? I guess I am much too old for that magazine anymore…
I’m not sure I’m ever going to be able to watch the NBC Nightly News again…
I am so happy that things are going to work out! What a scary situation!
Some of us are lactose intolerant!
for serious, jessica biel looks bloody miserable all.the.time.
Cheese… nature’s perfect food.
Birth control… In university I used to work as a clerk in Labour and Delivery. Never forgot my pill.
Did not know Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake were dating. Then I had to check who Jessica Biel was because I get her confused with Jennifer Beals who was in Flashdance and who I was going to accuse of being a total cougar. Good thing I spared myself that embarassment.
Do you mind if I add one? I think everything tastes better with butter. Lots of it. The more you slather on, the better. But don’t take my word for it. Try it yourself. Great new taste experience. Yah, mmm-hmmm.
You’re welcome.
i had no idea i’d have to fight off so many girls for my boyfriend brian williams. i heard he’s even cooler in real life.
1. i love american idol. its easyyy to become addidcited
2. i love reading Time. I am not too much into politics and econ but for some reason I just love it.
3. Just wanted to let you know, we chose your blog as adorably cute. Come back to our blog for your “Cute” award =)
It’s also OK to send Bryan Williams fan mail…maybe asking him to guest post? :)
I definitely bought “Twilight” alongside “The Art of Teaching Reading,” so it would seem like I was buying “Twilight” to further understand my future middle school students. I know…I shouldn’t be ashamed!
I nominated you for the ‘Your Blog is Fabulous’ Award!!!! Stop by and pick it up!! You are very Fabulous!!!!
So agree about the kids! Love them to death but 24 hours with my niece and nephew has me crossing my legs for a while. That and all the pregnant women and work talking about the gory details…
Glamour is the only women’s magazine I can stomach, too. I’ve never liked Cosmo, because I feel like aside from being trashy it reminds me of those magazines my Gran used to subscribe to that had all kinds of raunchy sex stories that I used to read sneakily when she wasn’t around. TRASHY.