Obama equals change. 40 is the new 30. Iphones make you cool, not recycling equals polar bear murder, drinking beer will always mean you get the hot blonde in minimal clothing. We are bombarded with the idea that so much of what we see and taste and believe in, is equal to something else. Will result in something else. That our world consists of people, events, products that can be easily interchanged with other people, events and products. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and realized that though this can often be true, it is just as often not. Here are a few things that DO NOT EQUAL what I used to think they did.
1. Visa Card DOES NOT EQUAL Vacation Card
The only reason I ended up getting a credit card was when my house burnt down and I needed to continue living my life and suddenly had nothing. Like, not even a box of kleenex to wipe away my tears sort of nothingness. Here is where you ask “but what about your savings?” and here is where I say ” Dude. I was a free styling university student who lived close to a pub that had really great beer. I had no savings”. (And somewhere in the world, Suze Orman’s head just exploded). Anyway. The point is, I never wanted a credit card. But now that I have one, I often have a hard time remembering that the money that’s tied to it? Technically isn’t “free money”. It’s not my “hey, you just have this sitting around, go on a holiday” fund, it’s more like “hey, here is money that you will spend a lot of time paying back WITH INTEREST and possibly your non-essential organs so use it wisely” fund. I currently have zero credit card debt, but it’s taken me a while to figure this one out.
2. Jealousy DOES NOT EQUAL love
Somewhere along the line, I got it into my head that if a guy was jealous it meant he loved me. And the MORE jealous he was, the MORE he loved me. Convoluted right? Right. Thankfully I’ve wised up and now know that a man loves me when he buys me an iphone. And the MORE applications he puts on it? The MORE he will love me.
3. Minimal comments DOES NOT EQUAL minimal reading
This has been a good lesson for me to learn. The Secret Project has definitely been one of my favourite parts of this blog for some time. And though the comments are usually a lot lower for these posts, stats show that they are often some of the posts people enjoy reading the most. Also they are the posts that generate the most email discussion (which I always enjoy). Lesson learned.
4. “Free” DOES NOT EQUAL Free
I’m a huge sucker for promotional gifts. I mean, there was a time if you told me I’d get a pea-sized squirt of hand lotion that smelled like urine if I spent $150 on wrinkle cream, I’d be fighting you to be first in line. I’m especially bad with Clinque. I don’t even really enjoy Clinque products, but their “free gift” with purchase means I now have enough Clinque products to last Gwyneth Paltrow and her entire yoga troupe a life time. Only recently did I start focusing on the other half of that slogan “..gift WITH PURCHASE“. Meaning ” GIFT YOU PAY FOR”. Sure, sometimes it’s worth it- bliss samples from Sephora pretty much make my life worth living, but more full sized bottles of Clinque just so I can get a trial sized version of eye makeup remover? No thank you.
5. Complicated DOES NOT EQUAL interesting
I wish someone would have told me this during my teenage years. One too many episodes of angst ridden Degrassi taught me that complicated people were complex and far more interesting. Which made me feel like a failure when I wasn’t having a baby at 14 or sporting an eight inch mohawk. I guess everyone goes through this phase, the one where suddenly life is less valuable if you don’t have things you are fighting for or struggling over. Thankfully I’m over it. Sure, there are always things to strive for but now I look at someone like my grandfather, a simple man who’s led an extraordinary life and find him far more interesting than Spike, her baby and the drama with Shane.
There’s going to be three people who follow the Spike reference. And I’m betting all three enjoy universal health care, poutine and coffee from Tim Hortons.
#2 is something that should be taught in schools. I’m serious.
YES to universal healthcare
YES to poutine
NO to Tim’s – sorry :)
and I too have learned the Clinique lesson – really, there are only so many “free” make-up bags a girl needs in her life
i’m american, and love me some degrassi. :) they show it on a nickelodeon station down here. but it’s mostly degrassi: the next generation.
I just got a brand new credit card for this year’s vacation season. LOL
There’s going to be three people who follow the Spike reference. And I’m betting all three enjoy universal health care, poutine and coffee from Tim Hortons.
Correct on all counts — although I’m really more of a tea girl.
YES to all of those. Especially #1.
I’m with you. I’ve never been big on Clinique, so that’s not the death of me, but I stayed away from Nordstrom this weekend even though they had “tripple points”. That just means more $$ spent so I can get more money to spend at Nordys.
“Thankfully I’ve wised up and now know that a man loves me when he buys me an iphone”
my boyfriend is quaking in his boots!
x
I always see degrassi on cable and chuckle to myself. I just can’t get myslef to watch an episode.
Hi, from a Twitter friend who’s finally getting to read your blog (sorry for the lag time, there).
AWESOME list. I think you should post this all over college campuses, especially #1, #2 and #5.
Great blog. I will definitely be reading more of yours in the future! :)
amen!
This is a fabulous list. Ah Degrassi. Teehee.
Great list. I relate to #2-5, although free Clinque items still excite me.
credit cards= BAD.
I have one to add – just because you have a lot of obstacles to overcome in a relationship does not mean that it is meant to be like in romantic movies. I’ve been brainwashed by them.
Also – loved Degrassi!
amen sister.
i used to swear by degrassi… i never knew it was based out of canada!
Oh my goodness! I LOVED Degrassi! I have never met anyone else who even knows what it is so for that I thank you for this post. The rest was great and all, but the Degrassi thing was amazing!
#3 I just accidentally discovered, via Feedburner, that I can see my Most Read Post of all of my posts ever in history. It’s a post that I wrote awhile back that I decided to close comments on because I thought no one would have anything to say and didn’t want people to feel obligated to respond.
I guess this is a bit different since that post didn’t allow comments, but literally not one person has ever, ever mentioned it to me or referenced it in any way. I’d always assumed people hated it, but it’s apparently my #1 most-read post of all time. How interesting!
Aww Spike… I think I am only now getting over the tragedy that was her hair… and the fact that she is with Snake now? Crazy shit!
oh degrassi. i went throught this phase in university where i was OBSESSED with the next generation series. dont’ ask. i think i just didn’t have class during that time and felt like it mattered because i’m canadian and they canadian and i’m in uni and they starting uni. something like that.
I knew there were more than 3 of us who still think about Degrassi, not to mention love poutine, and Tim’s for the Roll up the Rim to win contest. And hurray for universal health care!!!
40 is the new 30? I think I love you. You just made my day!
I’m pretty sure Visa card = hanging out with me, Nicole and Matt in Vegas in June.
Of course i had to comment on this…Degrassi was like comfort food to me…weird i know, cos i’m way older than you are…but still…Spike, Shane, Joey, Natalie and Wheels (what the hell happened to him anyhow?) i knew them all. Or was that the first generation only? Confess to not having watched much past that.
And good for you learning the important things in life are simple…somehow i think there is a whole generation of
uspeople out there who are just figuring that out now…almost too late.And yes to poutine, Universal Health Care and Timmy’s…3 three reasons it’s wonderful to be Canadian.
Absolutely fantastic post!!
I feel like I’ve spent years trying to convince some of my friends about #1. “Don’t you want to come to Mexico with us?” “I don’t have any money?” “You mean, you don’t have a credit card?!!”
Great.
Complicated = Pain in the Ass!
I have the need to say “preach on” here, so I will. Preach on!
Ha! I fell for the credit card trap when I was in school… I knew all the details, I completely understood interest rates and grace periods. Did that stop from me from spending money I DIDN’T HAVE?!? Psh, N.O.
Oh well, we live and we learn!
#1 – oy, i’ve learned that lesson, that’s for sure.
#3 – this is SO true. just cause a post/blog has 80 comments a post literally could mean that only 80 people viewed the blog and just everyone happened to leave a comment. comments don’t equate to page views.
I cried a little in #5. I was watching Degrassi with you on CTV and I do love my Timmies (large regular). I have been in the US for six months on an extended vacation, and have to admit i miss my timmies more than some of my family. i actually just blogged about it last week. check it out, and leave me a comment, cause no one ever does and it SUCKS!
I’d also like to add, you do not need The Grand Gesture to know that he really loves you. I tell you, romantic comedies have set so many up for disappointment. Walking the dog in the freezing rain so I don’t have to, thinking that popcorn and Girl Scout Cookies are an appropriate and healthy dinner on a Tuesday night so I don’t have to cook, getting up and closing the window because I’m cold (without grumbling) after listening to me complain for 45 minutes about how hot I am — that’s true love.
I’m Australian an absolutely LOVED Degrassi Junior High, as did most people around my age (28). It was on here for ages at about 4 in the afternoon. Haven’t watched it for years, but I still spontaneously break out in the Zit Remedy song quite often. “Everybody wants smething….” Yay Degrassi!
I definitely related to your five. When I read about the iPhone, I had to laugh. While my husband and I were dating, my phone was a source of contention. As a sign that he was over it and wanting us to move forward, he added me to his cellphone plan and bought me a new rockin Blackberry. THAT was when I knew it was coming together. And I truly despise that fine print that follows the “FREE” . . .
All the way with Stephanie K.!
Yeah, I totally didnt get the Spike reference.
Oh Spike. I always wondered how she got her hair to stay that way.
Also, I’m currently being a non-consumer. Which means no Timmies. For a month! I might end up going postal…oh, how I crave me a half-coffee-half-french-vanilla.
A) This NYC gal fully gets the Spike/Shane reference though to be fair I never watched the original Degrassi, but Emma did run off to meet her Dad on The Next Generation.
Which brings me to….
B) I think that you may be relying too heavily on lessons from Degrassi Junior High and not nearly enough lessons from Degrassi: The Next Generation, a show in which all lifes problems are solved.
PS- Does getting the Spike reference qualify me for universal health care or do you have to be an actual Canadian citizen for that?
holla for the american living in florida who absolutely knows who spike is, thinks her baby emma turned out to be quite obnoxious, and wishes that she still got degrassi.
le sigh.
Nothing is ever free. But I get sucked into the “values” and “free gifts” every single time like a lemming. Mentally I know that the thing isn’t free, but something in my heart pulls me towards complete financial ruin.
Thanks to a lovely cable channel called The N, I get the Spike reference, and thanks to a city called Columbus, Ohio where, for some reason, there are a Canadian number of Tim Horton’s, I also enjoy their coffee :)
My new iPhone doesn’t make me cool?!?!
Fuck.
I’m sorry, if Liz Hurley is offering free gifts (with purchase), it is a free gift, damn it! And when i charge the freee gift on my almost free Via account I am so much closer to my free trip. Why ya trying to bust the American Dream….nothing costs a thing (like laLopez sings…)!
Amen to #s 2 and 3. Blogging is such a strange phenomenon, and if everyone who read my site commented, it would be an entirely different site, I’m sure. Most of the time I’m super OK with people being quiet. I feel comment quiet quite often myself.
“Complicated DOES NOT EQUAL interesting.”
CRAP.
All lessons one HAS to learn, you can’t be told. (Trust me, my mother tried. Except for the blog thing.) Great post.
And yes, I got the Spike reference!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post. You are too funny!
oh, and I totally agree that the grandest gesture of love is the iphone!
With The N, we in the states now have Degrassi too! And I totally agree.
Add this to the list of things I adore about you: Degrassi? Fuck yes.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t just learn these lessons by reading your blog. Oh no, I have to learn things the hard way, and am still learning such things.
Exception is DeGrassi. Don’t know what that is, but it sounds like a soap, and if so, I don’t watch soaps either — unless it’s the occasional Desperate Housewives.
All this learning stuff . . . good times, eh?
Jealousy does not equal love took me a while to learn too. Right now i’m working on “boys who are in love with you act like they are in love with you.”
Sometimes I get mad at the boy for being-get this- too nice! I fell for assholes before
So this whole being treated like a goddess thing is new and scary at times.
Also I’m learning that I can not be one of the first to comment or thw wittiest and
Nice blogger friends will still like me.
Yay Spike!
I miss Tim Horton’s. I’m finally back in Canada in two days for the first time in 6 months and the VERY FIRST thing I’m doing is getting a steeped tea. Family comes second. Aha.
Man. All these lessons are so important, and so hard to learn. You know it but you don’t KNOW it. You know?
i totally agree with the last one. i do not need complications whatsoever.
#4 Totally made my day after explaining to my boyfriend that the “free” laptop radio commercials lie…
“drinking beer will always mean you get the hot blonde in minimal clothing”
I always knew beer had an upside.
I’ve also had coffee from Tim Hortons. (My wife is from Ohio.)
Have never been to Canada yet I do get the Spike and Shane reference (network in the States showed reruns alongside The New Generation).
I ALWAYS get suckered into free things that don’t end up actually being free. It’s a disease.