Obama equals change. 40 is the new 30. Iphones make you cool, not recycling equals polar bear murder, drinking beer will always mean you get the hot blonde in minimal clothing. We are bombarded with the idea that so much of what we see and taste and believe in, is equal to something else. Will result in something else. That our world consists of people, events, products that can be easily interchanged with other people, events and products. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and realized that though this can often be true, it is just as often not. Here are a few things that DO NOT EQUAL what I used to think they did.
1. Visa Card DOES NOT EQUAL Vacation Card
The only reason I ended up getting a credit card was when my house burnt down and I needed to continue living my life and suddenly had nothing. Like, not even a box of kleenex to wipe away my tears sort of nothingness. Here is where you ask “but what about your savings?” and here is where I say ” Dude. I was a free styling university student who lived close to a pub that had really great beer. I had no savings”. (And somewhere in the world, Suze Orman’s head just exploded). Anyway. The point is, I never wanted a credit card. But now that I have one, I often have a hard time remembering that the money that’s tied to it? Technically isn’t “free money”. It’s not my “hey, you just have this sitting around, go on a holiday” fund, it’s more like “hey, here is money that you will spend a lot of time paying back WITH INTEREST and possibly your non-essential organs so use it wisely” fund. I currently have zero credit card debt, but it’s taken me a while to figure this one out.
2. Jealousy DOES NOT EQUAL love
Somewhere along the line, I got it into my head that if a guy was jealous it meant he loved me. And the MORE jealous he was, the MORE he loved me. Convoluted right? Right. Thankfully I’ve wised up and now know that a man loves me when he buys me an iphone. And the MORE applications he puts on it? The MORE he will love me.
3. Minimal comments DOES NOT EQUAL minimal reading
This has been a good lesson for me to learn. The Secret Project has definitely been one of my favourite parts of this blog for some time. And though the comments are usually a lot lower for these posts, stats show that they are often some of the posts people enjoy reading the most. Also they are the posts that generate the most email discussion (which I always enjoy). Lesson learned.
4. “Free” DOES NOT EQUAL Free
I’m a huge sucker for promotional gifts. I mean, there was a time if you told me I’d get a pea-sized squirt of hand lotion that smelled like urine if I spent $150 on wrinkle cream, I’d be fighting you to be first in line. I’m especially bad with Clinque. I don’t even really enjoy Clinque products, but their “free gift” with purchase means I now have enough Clinque products to last Gwyneth Paltrow and her entire yoga troupe a life time. Only recently did I start focusing on the other half of that slogan “..gift WITH PURCHASE“. Meaning ” GIFT YOU PAY FOR”. Sure, sometimes it’s worth it- bliss samples from Sephora pretty much make my life worth living, but more full sized bottles of Clinque just so I can get a trial sized version of eye makeup remover? No thank you.
5. Complicated DOES NOT EQUAL interesting
I wish someone would have told me this during my teenage years. One too many episodes of angst ridden Degrassi taught me that complicated people were complex and far more interesting. Which made me feel like a failure when I wasn’t having a baby at 14 or sporting an eight inch mohawk. I guess everyone goes through this phase, the one where suddenly life is less valuable if you don’t have things you are fighting for or struggling over. Thankfully I’m over it. Sure, there are always things to strive for but now I look at someone like my grandfather, a simple man who’s led an extraordinary life and find him far more interesting than Spike, her baby and the drama with Shane.
There’s going to be three people who follow the Spike reference. And I’m betting all three enjoy universal health care, poutine and coffee from Tim Hortons.