It’s taken me 27 years to fully accept this but I’m finally there. I never wanted to be current Meg Ryan (I like the size of my lips just fine), I always had hopes of being Meg Ryan of yesterday. You know, “When Harry Met Sally” Meg Ryan or even better “When You’ve Got Mail” Meg Ryan. When people see her in those movies they throw around words like ‘adorable’ and ‘endearing’ and who doesn’t want to be that? Plus she was the poster girl for how quirky could be sexy. And when you are 5″2, clumsy and don’t own red lipstick? You embrace quirky like a warm blanket on a cold night.
The thing is, Meg Ryan (or more accurately her character- yes, I do blur the lines between fantasy and reality on a regular basis. Perhaps this is why Josh Lyman isn’t returning my calls?), differ in one important area. Okay, if you count the ability to wake up with great hair, we differ in TWO areas. I will never be a girl who cuddles while sleeping.
See, if you watch any Meg movie (or any movie geared towards those possessing ovaries) you will notice that the classic “couple sleep” pose is man on his back, woman splaying herself all over him, cuddled up like a koala bear clinging to a tree branch. And she’s always fast asleep, her face nuzzled in the perfectly groomed chest hair of a man who manages to pull off the trifecta of being sexy, funny and able to say exactly the right thing before the two hour movie is up.
I can’t do that. I need my space.
It’s not that I’m anti- cuddling, I enjoy a cuddle as much as the next girl- but when it comes to sleep? I need some room. And not “you move one inch over but let’s still hold hands when we sleep” space. I need “stay on your side” sort of space. Legs can tangle, arms can drift- and I actually like the idea of them being close enough that I can feel the warmth of their body near mine but a whole body smashed up against mine while I’m working on getting some REM cycles? No thanks. There are roughly 901 things a couple can do in bed (thanks Cosmo for setting unrealistic expectations for all future bed partners) but sleeping is one that I have to do alone.
I’ve been thinking about this lately and when it comes to actual dating- I’m the same way. I sleep how I love. I’m all for couple time but I’ve never understood the couples who have to do everything together. I cringe knowing that this cliche is going to leave my brain but I need space. I need time away, time alone. Maybe this is just growing out of a particular phase or maybe it’s just growing up- realizing independence isn’t a dirty word. But I need a world where I can sleep without being crushed by the weight of you. I’m a small person after all.
I wish just one time Meg Ryan would have told a man she needed some sleeping room. That there’s a fine line between basking in the heat radiating off the one person you adore and feeling the crushing weight of their body while attempting to get sleep after practicing some moves learned in the last issue of Cosmo. I wish Meg would have said she could do a million things with the man she loved but sleep was something she needed to do alone. I wish she would have one time told a man that telling him to shove over to his side didn’t mean she loved him less- it meant she loved him enough to show him this side of her. I wish she would have said that it’s important to spend time a part- even in bed, because in the morning when you reach across the tangled galaxy of blankets and pillows and find someone on the other side reaching back for you, well that’s the best feeling in the world.
LOL, this post made me laugh. Almost no one sleeps like this real life…. but oddly enough my boyfriend likes to cuddle me. And sometimes, just sometimes, when he’s lucky, I let him ;)
Back when I first met my boyfriend, we slept together in a twin bed. Which, if you knew us, would have you doubled over laughing. We are not small, dainty people.
As soon as we moved out and got our Queen bed? We have not touched each other in bed since (you know what I mean, dirty birdies!)
I don’t even like the “near enough to feel the warmth” closeness. I need someone to be far enough away on the bed that I can pretend I’m by myself. The only time i ever fall asleep cuddling is when i’m wasted. Fact.
Haha, we’ve gone from a twin (in college), to a full, and now a queen. I’m already itching for a king just to have some more “me” space in bed! :)
Thank you!! I feel like so many girls are the opposite, this is so refreshing to hear. Sleeping needs ROOM!
A guy I used to date would get SO MAD at me because I would sleep on my side, facing the outside of the bed. Dude, I can’t sleep when I’m SUFFOCATING.
AMEN! I am exactly the same way :]
I am sooo with you on this one. I actually like the falling asleep next to a guy all wrapped up in his arms or whatever – it’s just when I wake up in the middle of the night and realise I’m bloody uncomfortable that I start to wish I was alone, haha!
Amen, sister.
I’m the same way! Mostly because I get so damned WARM if someone’s that close to me. I can’t sleep when I’m hot, so this becomes a problem… and then I’m cranky, and Mr. McDude gets the bitchiness simply because I couldn’t sleep due to being too hot. The cycle continues.
Even as a male I’m the same, cuddling is great – just not when trying to sleep.
As for Meg Ryan, she’s my Unbelievable Film Barometer. At any point in any film, if it’s less believable than Meg Ryan as a helicopter pilot then it’s a thumbs down.
There’s fantasy, and there’s Meg Ryan as an army helicopter pilot.
I guess I’m a little of both worlds. I like to cuddle as I wind down, but once we get to serious sleep we move to opposite sides of the bed.
I’m with typographysnob. Start close, finish far. And let’s be honest, the cats|dogs get in the way, anyway.
All I can say to this awesome post is: DITTO.
My bf and I usually cuddle up together for a little while then usually fall asleep on our respective sides of the bed. At times during the night we will occasionally curl up to one another (spooning). But yes, I agree sometimes you just need your own space in bed.
I agree completely. I love to snuggle and be close but when I am ready to sleep, I need my space.
Okay, so, I think we’re sharing a brain, because I was totally going to do an entire post on Meg Ryan today. Now? I’m just going to look like I’m stealing your thunder.
ANYWAY. I totally watched two classic Meg movies today and was aching to put on all the rest…I can’t just watch two, I must watch them alllll…
In any case, this post is absolutely awesome. Totally made my day. And that last sentence is perfect! It makes me happy to hear about other non-sleep-cuddlers. My husband and I can’t physically do it – we’ll fool ourselves into thinking we can sleep with our bodies all curled against eachother, but then five minutes later we’re all, “Yeah. Too warm. Can’t sleep. I do love you, though.”
I usually get too hot under the covers, and a man beside me adds all kinds of heat I don’t need (unless I need it, I mean). So I am all about sleeping apart — just far enough that if I want to touch him with my cold feet, I still can. That’s love, isn’t it?
i sleep restless when someone is on my bed when I’m sleeeping. Crazy huh? ,means i’ll give anyone who sleeps beside me a hard time. Yikes.
So, now we agree on the Colts, The West Wing, politics and this.
Not bad for arch enemies, right?
also, what about the HOT nose-breathing on your face when trying to cuddle/sleep with someone? NO. THANK YOU.
the “you’ve got mail” megan is totally my favorite yet breaks my heart every time I watch it. the giggles, silly looks and monologue about a “generation of cocktail waitresses” make me yearn for the non-botoxed Ryan.
a great post, as usual :)
There is no touching when it is time to go to sleep. I love cuddling, but I am totally with you on the “you stay over there and I will stay over here.”
I swear I could have wrote that post!!! I even sometimes go to sleep in another bedroom because I need a WHOLE bed to myself!!
I am ANTI-CLING. I absolutely cannot do everything with a man I’m dating. I’d like to spend my time 60% alone, 40% together. I think that’s a good medium. We’re DATING, not MARRIED!
But cuddling? I love to cuddle while sleeping. I love a man’s “nook” that I can fit into perfectly, and I love to spoon. =)
you kinda lost me at the “chest hair” image! oh my holy hell. no thank you for that.
im kind of in between on this one. well, firstly, let me say, that in a relationship, i totally, hands down need my space, need some “me” time to recharge my batteries, do my thing, hang with the girls, hang with MYSELF.
in bed… hmm. i like to snuggle, a lot. typically i fall asleep cuddled up, and come the middle of the night, i end up going to the other side of the bed. then again, ive been seeing manfriend only in cool temps. give us a summer together and ill probably be booting him onto the floor after 10 minutes.
…unless we crank the AC…….
i need my space sometimes too. granted i love cuddling but other times i do want my space and i make sure to tell the bf, haha.
My husband is shouting for joy that a girl feels this way. I love to cuddle as we fall asleep, but my husband likes his room pretty much as soon as the word sleep enters his mind.
I have to agree though, I can’t actually sleep cuddled up with someone.
I agree, partially. I’m a cuddler up until I really fall asleep. Then I want my space. And all the blankets, too. Oops.
ugh. i can’t do the cuddling thing for very long either.
plus, i never know where to put my other arm. you know, the one that’s NOT draped across the guy’s chest? do you lay on it? put it behind your head? put it under him?
it’s all so confusing.
Funny thing…Josh hasn’t been returning my calls either…
As for the cuddling. Used to be that I had trouble falling asleep in cuddle-mode. With the current bf, however, I have amazingly mastered the koala bear hold you describe. I know. I really can’t believe it either. This is why I know he’s the one.
yeahhh AB and I are pretty different. If he could he’d have me sleep like Meg Ryan all curled up into him. Except he gets really cold at night and insists on having the blankets up to his chin. Thus essentially cutting of my air supply. Not happy.
And i’d rather be cold so I’m constantly sticking a leg out of the blankets or trying to move as far away as possible. But he sleep moves over to cuddle until he has 3/4 of the bed and I’m stuck on a tiny little edge trying to get away.
Yes, it’s 3 years later and we STILL have sleep issues. But it works, and being able to 1/2 asleep cuddle in the morning is worth it.
I like when I can sleep with my back against his. That way I can be warm but not smothered. :)
Sigh. I miss that.
I agree. I could get sick of anyone (yes, even George) with too much closeness and togetherness and other-ness. And likewise, I imagine someone could get pretty sick of me. Space is good.
I am sooooooooooooooo with you. It’s a rare occurrence I want to cuddle while sleeping. Sleeping is fine next to me, but don’t be all up in my grill.
This is another reason why I’m a catch. :)
AMEN, SISTER!! I’m right there with ya!!
That last sentence gave me chills. The tangled galaxy of blankets and pillows….sigh. Loverly.
Sometimes I can do the cuddling while sleeping shtick, but most of the time I need to spread out and have my own space. The Boy, however, likes to wake up a bazillionity times and follows me around the bed like a drowsy moth to a flame. There have been many instances where I have woken up and demanded he roll over, twice, so that I could unstuff myself from the far edge of the bed and sleep like a normal person.
He’s learning that anything that will make Shaba not grumpy in the morning is a good thing to do.
Also, this is probably why a lot of new houses are being built with two master bedrooms. A lot of couples just can’t sleep together. They can *sleep* together and they’re happy together, but when it comes to catching z’s they just can’t do it. After a couple nights of partner-induced insomnia an additional bedroom sounds peachy.
Don’t be surprised if they next book or movie you read or see, respectively, has the female lead “telling a man one time she needed some sleeping room.”
And when you read that, you might wonder if the author has a ponytail and Converse low tops. Just throwin’ that out there.
I chase my fiance around the bed in my sleep. I don’t like the koala-bear position, but I don’t sleep well if he’s in the bed and I’m not touching him.
I’m with you on the not doing everything together part, though. Just like you need to have your money, his money and your joint money, healthy couples have their own interests and their shared interests. Otherwise, you know everything about each other’s business. How boring is that?
Lovely post. Lynn
What if, what if, what if, sigh…
Yeah, I’m a cold fish too. My boyfriend loves to say sweet things to me, hold my hand and snuggle in the bed. I just look at him, annoyed. Poor guy.
i am the EXACT same way. my friends always think i’m so weird, but i need tons of room when i sleep. i move a lot, thrash a lot, and i hate being hot when i sleep so please please please stay on your side of the bed. haha. i’m so with you.
I cant sleep in the nook for all of like a second. Before the snoring and breathing irritates me and I have to throw my boyfriend over to the other side of the bed and sprawl out.
We had to buy a king sized bed because we like to cuddle before we sleep, but while we sleep, we definitely need our space. A lot of space. We’ll never sleep movie couple style, and we’re perfectly ok with that.
Yip. That is exactly the way I feel. I thought I was the strange one but nope! Look at how many of us there are!
I love my fiance’, but he drives me crazy with his sleeping! He’s always all over the place, and usually he has one leg bent up and one arm clearly on MY SIDE of the bed. I’m all for a good snuggle, but I’m like you – I need my space when I sleep! I can’t deal with the weight of someone else’s body all over me when I’m trying to relax!
I have been described in my past as a “heat-seeking missile” … meaning if there is something alive and breating in bed with me, I am so right up in its grill the moment I fall asleep.
It’s not even endearing anymore. It’s mostly annoying.
I definitely like to cuddle for a little bit, but then I’ll move over to my side of the bed and curl up into my own position. Still, I like feeling his warmth next to me. No need to be constantly cuddling, but him there makes me feel better.
Too cheesy?
Oh I am so with you on this.
My hubby crushes me and I like my space. it never fails that we spoon…I have to itch, twitch and feel hot!
Bah!
i need my space too – more so independence than space in bed. problem is that i am really attracted to independant guys (as the typically let me have my independence) but from personal experience, it seems that independence means never wanting to get married. i don’t know if i can win.
I love to cuddle but not when I’m sleeping. I need my sleep space and I don’t want to get all hot and sweaty while I’m smashed up against someone else.. LOL.
aw, i’m a sleepy cuddler. i like cuddling in my sleep. problem is i’m not sure if i can sustain that the whole night..
but as far as coupling, i prefer something less clingy myself. i don’t want to do EVERYTHING together.. though i know i have been in this type of relationship.. it’s not what i want.
I completely agree with you. I don’t mind a little snuggle after sex or during a movie, but I don’t like being constantly touched or smothered. It’s impossible to get cozy with another person to consider.
I was also actually just talking to my brothers today about how I’m not a do-everything-together-or-bust type woman. Guys night? Is more than fine with me.
“perfectly groomed chest hair”
What the hell? Is that even possible? I’d say any man who grooms his chest hair doesn’t deserve chest hair.
i don’t understand the couples that do everything together either. although, i will admit i like to cuddle while sleeping at least at first. then drift off and sleep comfortably in our own chosen positions :)
I always feel like Miranda from Sex & the City whenever anyone asks me to stay in bed and “cuddle”- I have things to do, get your body off of me.
However, the sleep cuddle is way better than the fellow who thought he could sleep on TOP of me after an intimate moment. Oh no, my friend!
I’m pretty independent, but that’s not to say I don’t enjoy cuddling. I’m with ya about the personal space–sometimes you just need that time to be alone and refresh yourself.
I am the same. Give me space! Pleeeaaaase.
It is an essential part of any future relationship. Unfortunately the last guy didn’t ‘get it’ even though I continually told him how important it was, and it was a big part (though not entirely to blame) on the breakdown of the relationship.
Of course, sometimes being single is just a little too much space… hmmmm. Just a matter of finding the right balance!
ok. so i’m a meg ryan sleeper. it is my favorite favorite thing in the world.
so i’m looking for a boy who is a back sleeper and doesn’t mind sleeping on the right side of the bed (his right, when he is on his back). this is seriously very high on my list of boy qualifications.
Absolutely. I CANNOT sleep with someone touching me, and believe me, there is nothing less romantic than me after a night of no sleep because someone was trying to cuddle me.
I totally slept like this with my husband our first couple of months married. It wasn’t comfortable, mind you, but I was so overwhelmed with how much I hearted him that the very thought of sleeping on the other side of the bed made me cringe.
After ten years, we have a king sized bed and designated sides. But every once in a while, to my surprise, I’ll wake up with my arm thrown across his chest and my legs intertwined with his. I’ve somehow migrated to his side during the night.
I love a good snuggle in bed, but at the same time, I don’t like it if the guy is all over me. Hypocritical perhaps, but I think it’s probably me subconsciously submitting to gender roles. :p
[...] being honest, because who else can make me feel in good company with my love of overindulging and Meg Ryan?). I have, to tell the truth, so many times intended to send Brandy a secret of my very own. But [...]
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