I recently had a rattlesnake of a woman kind and helpful lady tell me that ‘women wear lipstick, girls wear lip gloss‘ WHILE I WAS PUTTING ON LIP GLOSS. Needless to say, her views on FLAVORED lip gloss had her making the face people usually reserve for when they find an old dirty diaper in the backseat of their car. Thankfully, I’m so in love with this: I didn’t care what she said. I almost have an orgasm when I put it on my lips. Well, I’m sure a dude would love it if that happened but I’m just kidding. I’m not quite there. Maybe if someone braided my hair while singing Joesph Arthur to me it would happen. It’s so good it makes me want to make out with myself- without any of the small talk usually needed before I *make out with someone.
It’s shiny but not “hey, look at all the lip gloss I have on my lips! Whoo hee! Stare at me and my lips please!” shiny. It’s tasty but not “whoa! I just went to the pantry and smeared frosting all over my lips and now am licking them so much they are going to get chapped, which will just cause me to add more lip gloss, which will fuel this vicious lip gloss cycle that will end in tears and very unpretty lips that will be flakier than a freshly baked croissant” tasty.
It’s the best $12 I’ve ever spent. And I’ve spent $12′s often.
And yes, I’m fully aware I can now be charged with writing an entire post on lip gloss. I never said I was anything but deeply superficial. Besides, the world is complicated and messy and we are all watching Iran and North Korea and too many shows with that damned Piers Morgan. A lip gloss post was necessary.
What’s the best purchase under $15 purchase you’ve made?
(And if you say something really heartfelt or meaningful about **buying a goat or something for someone in a third world country I’m going to feel like an ass. You have been warned.)
* The phrase ‘make out’ makes me feel like I’m 14, until I remember that when I was 14, I wasn’t kissing boys but playing Girl Talk (please let someone else know what board game I’m talking about) and having way too many conversations about the awesomeness of Jared Leto’s eyes Martha Stewart bedding. Truly.
** But I would be really impressed with you if you did. I’d like you almost as much as I like my lip gloss. And that’s saying something.
Lip gloss can be found here. (Or you can just click the picture, I’m fancy like that)