I knew a guy once who had the annoying habit of cracking his knuckles before sleep. It drove me INSANE. Nothing is more unsettling than drifting off and being awakened by a large CRACK!, followed by nine more CRACKS! . (Well, of course there are things more unsettling than this but it really does make my top five- sandwiched in between being woken up by someone staring at you and finding out that your ex-boyfriend used to masturbate to your grade 9 graduation photo. Bullet? Dodged.).
So, I did what any girl who loves sleep more than she should- I told this charming man that his nightly knuckle routine was driving me INSANE and that I couldn’t sleep in the same bed with him if he kept doing it every single night. And as I was smugly wrapping up my ultimatum, he calmly told me that if that was the case, he didn’t want to sleep in the same bed as me, if I kept up my habit of making all parties get out of bed if the fitted sheet came off , so I could fix it. (I know. I’m a weirdo, but seriously, I can’t sleep without the sheet on!). I realized then that neither of us was perfect and that instead of being a flawless human (as I assumed I was), I was just with someone who had accepted my flaws. So we made a deal- our quirks would cancel each other out (and I would invest in earplugs).
There are some things that I can overlook, learn to accept or just cancel out when I compare them with my own flaws. Things like knuckle cracking, or crying more than me during movies or owning a lot of plaid clothing. I can get over white lies and temper flareups and men who are prettier than me. And there are some things I struggle with. The heartbreakers- or as most people call them, the dealbreakers.
I think I’ve always called them the heartbreakers because they are really are the things that break my heart. Often when a heartbreaker ocurrs- I wish I could do something to change the situation but certain words and actions just simply, leave me feeling cold. It’s not intentional or malicious- but it happens just the same. And it breaks my heart, every single time.
I once had a charming fellow tell me all sorts of charming things that every girl would love to hear. It was the kind of stuff straight from the movies- minus the cheesy lines and sweeping soundtrack. It was roughly 893 shades of awesome- and before I could declare his awesomeness to him, I realized he was saying the same thing to all the girls. Pretty much word for word. And although he was still charming and delightful- knowing he was insincere left me wondering what else he was insincere about. He apologized in very clever and funny ways but knowing that he- someone who valued originality, was passing out the same lines to all his admirers- made me view him differently afterwards and he lost many shades of his awesome.
Insincerity will always be a heartbreaker to me. I guess because I don’t like feeling like I’m special to someone and then finding out I’m not. It hurts my colossal ego. Not believing in global warming is another heartbreaker. If Josh Lyman showed up in a speedo, declaring his love and being all awesome but didn’t believe in global warming? I’d pass. Ditto dudes who aren’t nice to their moms. And mullets. Sweet mother, a mullet will always be a relationship ender. (IF THIS MAKES ME SHALLOW, I’M OKAY WITH IT). Also? There’s a whole area of US political views that can be classified as heartbreakers but let’s save something controversial for a day I’m eager to get hate mail.
Tell me, what are your heartbreakers?