I was going to start this post as though I was dead and writing to you from the great beyond. But it was high on the creep factor and low on the funny (much like a guy I made many bad choices with). But I felt like I need to make some reference to death since I’ve started getting emails with- “ARE YOU DEAD?”. Which has caused to reflect on the fact that hey, I’m not dead. So I should write something to show that I AM alive, even if I’ve spent every waking moment of the last two weeks in school and there’s a chance that an email discussing only school events is going to be as entertaining as reading the ingredients on a bottle of shampoo.
The learning curve has been so steep it’s been less like a curve and has more followed the line of a rocket release. Everyday there’s roughly one thousand things I learn and my brain routinely runs out of room for everything I should know or remember. So I’ve become a post-it queen and have turned to drinking heavily while on recess supervision. (One of those confessions is false, I trust you are wise enough to establish which one). I dread the idea of being someone who only writes about school, so I’m going to lump in all the school-ish events into this post so I can use the next one to talk about my deep seated shame regarding a show called BIG BROTHER. (I realize some of you would rather hear me talk about photocopier jams than reality television and to you people I say, I’m sorry. Reality television is the balm that soothes my achy soul at the end of a long day. Besides, the season with Will was the best thing I’ve ever seen on television. Period. The end. Case closed. *Jessica Fletcher style.)
-I’ve taken to calling my classroom “The Cave”. It’s at the farthest end of the school, down the longest hallway and is the last classroom. Walking to and from my classroom from the photocopier room has become my new cardio work out. A grade 6 teacher has actually approached me and wants me to wear a pedometer because he sees me in the halls so much he’s convinced I’m walking a marathon everyday. Plus, I’m doing it in heels. In short, I’m going to have killer legs by the time this year is over. (See how I’m glass half-fulling this situation? Progress people, progress).
- One of my favourite blocks is the block right before lunch when I read Judy Blume to the class. Students can choose to read their own book (and other than the 9 year old who is reading Twilight- book approved by her mom), everyone hangs on every word I say. Looking up and seeing the whole class laughing hysterically over Judy Blume is always a highlight of my day.
- The teacher in the classroom next to me is the coolest women alive. Mrs. S is mid 40′s and is the kind of chick who you can imagine shaving her hair off her head and still looking amazing. I made a joke about how I’m going to have to step up my clothing choices with her beside me and she’s taken it as a personal challenge. Each morning she comes in and struts around my desks showing off her outfit. And every single day it’s been impressive. Perfect hair, thoughtfully coordinated accessories, painstakingly applied lipgloss. So not only will I have killer legs this year, I will start going to work on not looking homeless. Mostly out of shame and partly out of my competitive spirit. Either way, win.
- There is a boy in grade 3- Thomas, who farts. A lot. And naturally, when he does his classmates expect him to say something acknowledging it- but he refuses. Things came to a boiling point last Thursday when his classmates complained that Thomas had once again farted and wouldn’t say ‘excuse me’. Before I could say anything, I looked at Thomas (a chubby boy with spiky hair), with crossed arms who looked at me and said “They have no proof. Smell my butt, there’s no farts there”. Of course, it sounds funny now, but I assure you- NO ONE laughs in class when this happens. I’m not sure why, maybe because his classmates are so offended or Thomas is so adamant that they can’t pin the fart on him. And because everyone takes it so seriously- I, of course, find it hilarious. So I’m the one person in a room with 26 kids who is trying not to laugh when the class discussion is centered around farting. I am a model of maturity.
- I teach grade 3 art and I brought in a framed picture I have of the Mona Lisa. It looks impressive, the frame is gorgeous- I saved it from it’s resting spot above the mens urinal in the theatre I used to work at. Anyway, I brought it in to the grade 3 room when we started art and we talked about it and then asked the class if they had any questions. One of my favourite kids from the Obama class of last year is in this class now and he raised his hand and asked if I had painted the picture. Needless to say, a child who thinks I am capable of painting the Mona Lisa is going to get an automatic A plus. And a unicorn.
- My principal has heard me calling the photocopier machine a piece of shit. More than once. But in my defense? I was in on a Saturday, it was JAMMED AGAIN and it IS A PIECE OF SHIT. (I already have fantasies of taking it out back and showing it who is boss- much like the fax machine incident in Office Space).
- This has nothing to do with school at all but I’m strangely addicted to Defying Gravity. And judging from the blank stares people give me when I admit this, I’m starting to believe I’m the only one. Tell me, are you watching it?
Anyway, that’s a snippet of school life. Things have definitely calmed down since school has started and I’m working on finding a balance that includes proper time for showering, sleeping and you know, catching up on all your wonderful blogs. (My google reader and I are no longer speaking to one another, I’ve neglected it so badly lately). I hope you are all having a wonderful Monday!
*It has been a life long goal to reference Jessica Fletcher. My reference was lame but I’m giving myself a thumbs up for trying. Also? If you know who Jessica Fletcher is, head directly to GO and collect a BFF friendship bracelet from me.