You know, you’ve done it too. You find yourself with 10 minutes to spare, click ‘bookmarks’ and scroll down to a famous blogger you have bookmarked. I’m not talking famous in your world blogger, the kind that your particular blogger group, seems to have crowned homecoming king or queen, I’m talking about famous to the ENTIRE world blogger. The kind of blogger who has one name- and everybody knows it. You scroll down to their too hip for more than one syllable name, and click- waiting for that feeling of envy and happiness to rise up inside you, like it does whenever you read something so good you are angry at yourself for not thinking to write it first.
And you find yourself asking, “is that it?”.
Granted, every blogger- famous or not, has posts that they feel ‘meh’ about when they hit publish. Not every post is going to hit your g-spot when you are writing it- or your audiences when they read it. Sometimes you write to say what you have to say- and do so plainly, without transition sentences or similes or even a hint of a humor to win over the crowd. But I can’t help but notice that some of the famous to the whole world bloggers, seem to write just like you or I- (and so many of you write better than people who have book deals, this fuels a rage in me that cannot be quelled) and yet they are getting free flickr accounts appliances and book deals and 1.2 million followers on twitter.
So, I decided that it has to be more than writing that makes a blogger famous. I’ve delved deep into the murky underworld of blogging and have come up with my top 10 reasons Why I’m not a famous blogger.
1. I do not have a child who is adorable and let’s me dress her/him in etsy finds and take roughly 943054375648329576 pictures of her/him. Or a zany pet that teaches me life lessons on the regular.
2. For the longest time, I thought ‘bloggies‘ were like groupies. So I was confused when people talked about they wanted a ‘ bloggy’, I mean… sure, I get it. Everyone wants a following but it just seemed like a weird word. Later in life, I found out that a ‘bloggy’ is the name of prestigious blogging award.
3. I say things like “Which sucks.” And think that’s a valuable and articulate thought worth sharing with the universe.
4. I take pictures like this (scroll down to see the masterpiece). There will never be an award winning photo on my blog. Ever. Although, let’s face it. Those shoes are so adorable they should win an award.
5. No one has changed my name into a verb (unlike Dooce).
6. I don’t cook. At all. I will never have a website that showcases pictures of the homemade mac n’ cheese I just whipped up with 129 rare ingredients. (This also won’t happen because of #4. Seriously though, The Pioneer Woman needs a new bloggie… bloggy? The woman can take a picture. Seriously, she could take a photo of a piece of celery smeared in dog poop and could make it look appetizing. THAT, my friends, is what we call a gift and deserves an award).
7. The idea of changing my masthead yearly monthly, makes me break out in hives.
8. I do not have the ability to make all my current favourite things look pretty and organized like Whoorl (I’d also cut off all my limbs for her hair. Sure, I’d lack the arms to brush it, but it would be so alluring- people would volunteer for the honors).
9. I don’t get google wave, I’m not hooked up to Brizzly, I haven’t purchased an iphone and I cross my fingers everytime I send a picture to twitter because there’s a 93% chance I didn’t send it correctly.
10. I write lists about why I’m not famous instead of complaining about the 4,593 comments I received for my last post.
Would you want to be a famous blogger?
Awesome pluses to consider: Free stuff, getting paid to blog, a wider audience to ask for advice on topics that stump your brain.
Debbie Downers to consider: No privacy, wider audience = more negative feedback, pressure to write often, random strangers feeling like they have the right to tell you they hate your haircut.