From The Hot Awesome Dude

Hello internet! So, it’s the last day of 2009, and I thought I’d lighten the mood.

A few weeks ago, the ‘hot awesome dude’ (aka: H.A.D) decided he wanted to share with the internet things I taught him in 2009. I was overjoyed with this idea. Of cooourse I wanted a list that showcased how life changing and awesome I am. Instead, he decided that he should cull allll the ridiculous things I said in 2009 and make them into a little list for him to re-read and giggle over like a school girl asked to prom. (He’s going to protest that I called him a school girl, life is hard). Anyway, so here is his list. All things in black are his. I’ve had to make some clarifications in blue. We hope you enjoy it and have a wonderful New Year’s Eve!

This originally started out as a list of things brandy taught me in 2009, but in my quest to put this list together, I had found bits of our conversation that really showcased her ridiculous-ness and made me laugh. Of course I thought, these are way more fun and I’m going to share those instead (much to brandy’s dismay) ( no seriously, there is some dismay over this but? I’ll shall let him publish it how he wants- I’m cool that way). So without further ado…here they are!

1) (We were talking about what we would do if we were stranded on an island – that had electronic equipment and it quickly segued into what websites we each would go on to pass the time.)

Brandy: The ones I go to aren’t weirdo sites. A fetish isn’t a weird thing to be interested in learning about.

H.A.D.: I don’t even wanna know

Brandy: I’m kidding

H.A.D.: Uhhh huh. She’s “kidding”

Brandy: Shut up! You know I’m kidding

H.A.D.: Right. I know you’re “kidding”

Brandy: I “hate” air quotes. Wait

(For those of you confused on what H.A.D finds so funny, check out the last line again. I teach children how to read but for the first 27 years of my life, misused air quotes. Fail.)

2) (We were getting ready to watch “Fired up” (which is better than you think a movie about boy’s becoming cheerleaders just to nail chicks is going to be) when this happened…)

H.A.D.: This is how I determine if a movie would be something you’d love. I just ask myself one question. One. It goes like this

Brandy: Would a 13 year old girl like it?

H.A.D.: Self, if you were a 14 year old, adolescent female, would you like this movie?

Brandy: Man I know you so well

H.A.D.: You are such a RUINER

3) (On blackberry messenger…)

Brandy (at 5:12am): Who read yahoo finane in the middle of the night?! *finance

H.A.D. (at 5:12am): Go back to bed sleepyhead

Brandy (at 6:31am): No thank you

(I especially loved how she said that an hour later like she was up the entire time.)

(Do I get points for being so polite before 7 am though?!)

4) (This one is self explanatory…)

Brandy: You should get a tattoo of me (was I joking or serious? Internet, you will never know)

H.A.D.: Oh man

Brandy: lol you should. My face right by your heart. You’d have to shave that part of your chest though

5) (Talking about brandy’s gluten allergy – there’s a good chance this one might get edited out) (In a perfect world, this would be edited out. I would also have Tina Fey’s wit and Salma’s boobs.)

H.A.D.: Do you poop more or less when you have gluten?

Brandy: I don’t know!?

H.A.D.: Reason #462 why you love me: I ask the questions no one asks

6) (My girl has a healthy ego.) (this has been routinely documented on the blog but apparently the H.A.D. needs to give you another example of how awesome I think I am).

Brandy: So, I just re-read the post I wrote after you asked about Joe Biden? Two things. 1) I’m hilarious and 2) I can’t wait to watch the next democratic convention with you

H.A.D.: Did you just say “I’m hilarious”?

Brandy: Yes

H.A.D.: Man! How does your ego even fit inside your room?!

Brandy: Hey!! Stomach hurts! Be kind!

H.A.D.: Okay okay. Cheap shot though

Brandy: Oh and your ego comment was the height of witty banter?

7) (While watching an episode of the Office – the one in which Michael dates Pam’s mom)

Brandy: You should be Dwight in your work

H.A.D.: Very funny

Brandy: Your lady friends would love it

H.A.D.: They are not my lady friends. Her (Pam’s) mom is kinda foxy though

Brandy: I think they are. Foxy?!

H.A.D.: lol I said that just to get a reaction. Your mom’s name is Pamela right?

Brandy: Please don’t make a “Pamela is foxy” comment

8 ) (Talking about spending her summer vacation at my place)

H.A.D.: You’re going to play housewife for two months?!

Brandy: Well, no. But I don’t mind cleaning. I don’t plan on JUST cleaning though

H.A.D.: Oh good. There’s cooking and laundry too

(For the record? H.A.D. would fight me to the death if I spent all my time cleaning and cooking for him. He would also start convulsing if I made him eat anything I cooked. He continually teases me that my cooking is edible- though he did manage to scarf down cookies at Christmas. Maybe because I laced them with crack.)

9) (While we were watching “The Amazing Race”)
(H.A.D. didn’t clarify- we are Amazing Race nerds. So anytime there present a challenge, we give ourselves roughly 3.2 seconds to decide what task we would pick. We usually do the task that seems less likely to result with me having a mental breakdown.)

H.A.D.: Llama or basket?

Brandy: Llama. You?

H.A.D.: Basket, but I wouldn’t mind doing Llama, are you good with animals?

Brandy: Of course. I’d be like a Llama whisperer. (who wouldn’t want to watch THAT reality television show?!)

(After a few minutes of watching the contestants do the challenge)

Brandy: I made a bad choice.

H.A.D.: Llama snot? I think you made a great choice

Brandy: Llama SPIT?! Yuck. You know, even if that one was the slower one, I could totally see you wanting to do that one just for the chance to see animals snot on me

H.A.D.: You know me well

10) (I had a dream in which brandy insisted I call her “Elmo” and if you know brandy, she takes her dreams seriously, but apparently mine don’t count) (This is true. I may have spent a few morning irate with H.A.D over something he has done or said in a dream. Including one vivid dream where he ripped my band-aid off. I’m STILL smoking angry about that one).

H.A.D.: Howdy Elmo!

Brandy: Hot Awesome Duuuuuuuuuude!

H.A.D.: Yes, Elmo?

Brandy: Elmo is not good.

H.A.D. Why isn’t Elmo good? Is Elmo feeling sick?

Brandy: lol wait. Geez. Anytime I say it, it sounds like I’m speaking in third person

H.A.D.: Excellent

11) (This year was the first year brandy participated in a fantasy baseball league with my friends and I, and she kicked our asses. However! It might have all been a fluke because…) (Not a fluke. I’m awesome. Proof? See #6)

Brandy: Can we just take a sec and marvel at the fact that I just a) brought up baseball on my own b) used baseball words and it made sense and c) correctly spelled a baseball players name without looking it up?!

H.A.D.: What baseball words did you use? And Joe Mauer is on your team. You’ve been looking at his name for months now

Brandy: DO NOT RUIN THIS MOMENT

(A few minutes later)

Brandy: I would really like to be in your baseball game next year

H.A.D.: It’s not a game

Brandy: You know what I mean

H.A.D.: It’s a league. A fantasy baseball league.

12) (I can’t quite recall why we were talking about monuments…)

H.A.D.: Your monument is probably gonna consist of a picture of this (it’s a picture of a constipated kid sitting on the toilet – I know, weird sense of humor, just go with it) with the tagline: “I miss you so much, I can’t even make poop.”

Brandy: You have no idea how scared I was to open that link

H.A.D.: lol did you?

Brandy: Yeah! But I sort of covered my eyes and then I was okay (he also finds it to be the height of hilarity to send me pictures of cold sores. I swoon ladies, I swoon).

H.A.D.: You have trust issues. We need counseling.

Brandy: You sent me a picture of projectile vomit. (that’s another story altogether) (it may have been the grossiest thing I’ve ever seen. Ever. Well, no- the cold sore one was worse.)

Clearly, I’m the cooler one out of the two of us.

(He’s not, but we pretend he is.).

(Except he actually is.).