I grew up in an era of kick-ass television. Sure, my definition of ‘kick-ass television’ makes normal people weep, but I miss the days of Cheers and Seinfeld and Family Matters and of course, Full House. I always thought I was alone in my mourning of the end of Full House, until Shaba and I started talking one day about the most ridiculous episodes (Who remembers the one where D.J ate ice pops and fainted in the gym because she felt fat? Seriously, she didn’t eat for 3 hours and was already passing out? Full House, you are so crazy) and she adopted me as her big sister. Thus, I became D.J Tanner. Which works for me, because D.J grew up to be pretty hot and married an NHL hockey player. WIN!
Anyway, Miss Shaba wrote a brilliant list that I wanted to share with you. It has to be shared. And after you read this? Please go and visit her. She needs your support right now, more than ever.
Top Ten Things I Learned About Co-Habitation
1.) The toilet paper usage formula. 1 sixteen pack of toilet paper will last a single person with one bathroom upwards of four months. 1 sixteen pack of toilet paper will last two people, with two bathrooms the blink of an eye. I can not count how many times I’ve had to do the awkward waddle over to the cabinet only to find that we were completely out of toilet paper. This may be the most irritating thing in the universe.
2)Meal times are weird when one person is indecisive and another one has a mutant ability to exist for days without food (coughtheboyforgetstoeatcough)
. If we haven’t decided what to have for dinner by six o’clock, it’s a free for all. Hence I’ve had meals made up of noodles and applesauce, cereal and cookies, and an entire jar of pickles.
3)I’m sorry will not fix everything. But it’s usually a good start.
4)Strict remote rules must be enforced. The rules are as follows…1) New episodes you both like, 2) new episodes one of you likes, 3) repeats of shows you both like and haven’t seen a bajillion times 4) bad reality television 5) mythbuster/dirty job marathons. Four and five are interchangeable depending on who holds the remote.
5)Sometimes, all you need to do is ask. In relation to chores, wants, desires, etc. Just ask.
6) Date nights are essential. Dates nights outside the house. With “going out clothes”. And a sit down destination. And booze. Gotta have the booze.
7) The moments you love the most are the moments you’d never expect. Like trying desperately to keep your feet from being unmericilessly tickled during commercial breaks of Glee.
8) No one can read your mind. Period. Even when you’re sure that they MUST know that you HATE what when they do that….they probably don’t. Unless you said so. Speak up.
9)Sex. Whenever and wherever. This is the answer to the question, “Why in the world did I agree to live with this crazy ass person with dreamy eyes?”
10) It’s the little things that mean the most. Love grows in the moments of tiny sacrifices and minute kindness. Like splitting the last cookie or traipsing out in the cold to fetch something unimportant from the car.