It’s Secret Project time!
Here’s my not so secret, secret: I miss you.
Also? I am ANGRY at every online poll that has ranked “Out of Sight” as the sexiest movie ever. I’m watching it, and although I adore me some George Timothy Clooney, I feel confident stating that buying toe socks is sexier than this movie. End rant.
And yes, I have pre-ordered Harry Potter tickets for next week. Yes! Okay Muggles, let’s get this show on the road!
1. I’m a gay man, open, in a relationship. And I LOVE men. But for some reason I still really want to have sex with a woman. I know it’s odd, and I don’t mean to objectify anyone, but I think some uncomplicated sex with a woman would be great. (But isn’t sex always complicated somehow?)
2. I ’m incredibly and deeply in love with my boyfriend. He lives 90 miles away, and we’re both in school so we’re too busy to see each other as much as we used to. I secretly drive up to his place and he’ll come home and I’ll spend the weekend with him. I know he wouldn’t cheat on me and I definitely would not cheat on him, but i have this unforgettable thought just resting in the back of my mind that he’s going to meet someone better. Chances are very high. He’s going to meet someone who is studying the same things as him, and hes gonna love her. He’s gonna forget all about me and just move on. I could move in with him, its always been a topic between us; but he’d get so annoyed with me. He’d get tired of me and just fall out of love with me. I know its going to happen. And I’m so terrifiied. =(
3. I was raped in March by a guy I was going out with. It was our second date. Months later I still feel lost and violated and so unbelievably stupid for not knowing what kind of person he was. Worse, I didn’t press charges. Now he is dating some woman and I am filled with resentment that he is happy and I can hardly bear to be touched. I used to feel beautiful when I looked at myself in the mirror but I can’t see that woman anymore.
4. I lost my virginity this weekend (after 25 years) and I can say is “seriously? What’s the fuss about?”. Maybe I need more practice….
5. Two years ago I got involved with a ‘blogger’. He seemed sweet, dedicated all his posts to me and I was smitten. Then he dumped me for a co-worker. Then he moved from his co-worker to another popular blogger. Then to another. It’s been two years and i’ve watched him make the rounds with all of these girls, wooing them with his words. It’s frustrating that he’s seen as a darling of the blogging world when he just uses girls until they don’t inspire him anymore.
6. My boyfriend is wary of how much he looks like Don Cheadle. I claim to not have noticed when we first started dating (he was self conscious of people dating him for his looks), but between you and me (and all your blogger readers!), it was TOTALLY what first caught my eye. Of course, I fell in love with his personality but the comparison was what I first noticed.
7. I just found out my (first) ex-boyfriend probably has cancer. And he isn’t going to get tested to confirm it because he doesn’t have the money for treatment, so he’s just going to ignore it. I’m also not supposed to know any of this. My first reaction was “Oh, we’re going to have words.” But then, I’m not so sure. I mean, I certainly don’t have money to help him, so what do I do/say?
8. My mother recently sent me an email about my beliefs about an issue we strongly disagree on. She was great about it too–instead of accusing me or getting all bent out of shape (at least to my knowledge) she sent me a nice email and asked me some plain questions about the issue in order to understand my feelings better. I sent a super long email in return, just to make sure I explained what I believe, how it changed, etc. It’s been almost 2 weeks now and I’ve gotten no response, and I know I’ll probably never get a response. It’s how things work. It’s like everything remotely uncomfortable or controversial gets tabled. They were strongly opposed to piercings and tattoos. I got both, and not a word. If I do ever hear from them, it’s in an email. Sometimes I just want to all-out brawl with them just to get everything out on the table. On the other hand, I’m not sure I want to know how they really feel.
9. I read a Wally Lamb book once where the main character imagines her food covered in mold and it helps her lose weight. I remember thinking “That’s so extreme! I would never do that, I love food too much”, but lately, I find myself doing that. I’ve lost 13 pounds. I don’t think it’s unhealthy, I only do it when I’m tempted to eat unhealthy foods, but the fact that I’m doing this, sort of makes me nervous. But not nervous enough to stop.
10. Everyone at work comments on my skin and how it always glows. The truth is, my boyfriend and I have sex in the parking lot most mornings when he drops me off. Surprise! I giggle everytime people ask me for skin tips. Here’s one: HAVE MORE SEX.
oh number 10. i heart you. there’s a new guy in my life and two different friends (one of whom knows nothing about the new dude and one who does know) both told me “YOU LOOK AMAZING!” and i was like yes. hats off to new boy. :)
Number 3: Do not try to deal with this alone, please. Get yourself into a support group or contact a rape crisis center. He can’t take away how beautiful you are. It’s not his, it’s yours. I’ve been through it and it will get better. But it gets better faster with support.
http://centers.rainn.org/
#4 – Yes, you need more practice. (Or just more experience!) Trust me, with the right people, it just keeps getting better.
#10 – …I’m going to have to try that. O:D
#2 – Did that for years. Turned out he really did love me, we’re engaged, and everything so far is working out happily ever after. Have a little faith. :)
Have more sex. Yup.
Oh, and also… to #3, I really encourage you to get help, talk to someone so you don’t drown in this… and you can still report it, even though it’s been awhile. You’re not alone.
#7 – I don’t know what your current relationship is like with your ex, so if you’re not close then perhaps it’s not your place to say anything. But if you are close, I would say something. I don’t think you have to have the financial solution for him to encourage him to check it out. Who knows… maybe his family will help. I am a financial advisor who sells critical illness insurance and for clients who get sick and don’t have it, they do EVERYTHING to pay for treatment. Sell their house, cash in their retirement funds, everything. That’s hardly ideal, but his family might have more resources than he immediately thinks of to help him. Friends also do amazing things in times of crisis… maybe he can raise some money to help pay for treatment. Necessity is the mother of invention…
Dear #3, The statute of limitations has not run out, no matter if you are in the US or Canada. Regardless of pressing charges though, please seek therapy. There was no way you could have known for sure by the second date – many women marry men who don’t beat them for the first time until their honeymoon. You *ARE* still just as beautiful as you used to be. A good therapist can help you get back to being as confident as you used to be too. Big hugs to you.
Dear Secret-holder #3,
http://www.fugitivus.net/
This is a link to a wonderful community of people who have gone through the same thing. They will understand, support, and believe you. I completely understand not wanting to press charges. You are not alone.
eek #5 sounds a bit scary…
#10 made me laugh out loud but at the same time? So true. Love it.
Great secrets! Really intriguing ones this go-round.
I am very intrigued by secret number 5…
#4 – don’t give up. it definitely gets better. you just need more practice!! ;)
Harry Potter World = I DIE!!!!
I went over Halloween and it’s everything I wished and more… A-MAZING. That is all
I’ll have what #10 is having instead of a ride on public transportation every morning!
Note to self- have more sex in the car.
;-)
On a separate note (and comment), I hope the woman in #3 seeks help because it WAS NOT HER FAULT and she deserves to feel happy.
Number 4 – I was 25 (just recently) for my first time and it does get better. LOTS better :)
As others have said, #3.. talk to someone – you should feel beautiful, and its unfair that it’s been taken away from you. As for #10, I will have to take your advice!