Bonjour lovelies! It’s The Secret Project time!
1. Sometimes I wonder if our relationship would have turned out differently if only I were skinny white girl. I know there was a lot more wrong with us but when I think back to how great everything was, a part of me really thinks he would have tried harder had I fit that standard of beauty.
2. I think I may have actually, actually fallen for “the other guy,” if you can even call him that. But it’s just so much easier to stay with who I’ve been with for most of my adulthood. I used to think love would always be enough, but is it? And… can you love more than one person at a time? (You have no idea how horrible I feel for even considering that question.)
3. I was more excited for the new HP than I was for my best friends wedding. (In my defense, her wedding was memorable but the new HP? Goddamn spectacular!)
4. I miss 20sb. Not the mammoth club it’s become, but the small, intimate group it used to be when there was 300 members and everyone knew everyone. I know that a big club has it’s benefits but I miss the small cozy feeling it used to evoke.
5. My parents are meeting my husband for the first time. I am not sure who is more nervous- me, him or them.
6. I’ve never been raped. But knowing that if I ever was (God forbid), that I have a good support system and could tell people here if I was too scared to tell my family, that brings me comfort.
7. I was done my Christmas shopping in October. Everyone is applauding me for being organized. The thing is, I think I might be addicted to shopping (in the non funny way). And I don’t know how to quit.
8. It hurts my feelings when people don’t follow me back on Twitter. (I know other people have submitted a secret similar to this one but this is my biggest secret and needed to share it!)
9. My husband is overseas in the military and won’t be home for Christmas. I don’t go out of my way to mention this to people but going on facebook or twitter or reading blogs where people are complaining about having to spend the holidays (or Thanksgiving) with annoying family members and I just… I wish they realized how many of us aren’t going to be spending the holidays with the people we love and would choose their words a bit more carefully.
10. Sometimes I feel guilty for how much I love my job when so many people hate theirs. How did I get so lucky?
THANK YOU secret #3- love it! And Robert Kennedy’s death makes me super sad too. I wrote a paper for my Master’s on his assassination and watching Bobby makes me practically weep….so sad!
2. Yes you can love two people at once. Definitely. And they’re not comparable – entirely separate entities where one doesnt diminish the other. Shame its not a commonly accepted viewpoint/situation
Secret #1 — I’m the skinny white girl you wish you were and I’ll tell ya, it doesn’t matter. Being skinny comes complete with three big problems (1) Jealousy from other women (2) Being treated like a plaything and not a woman (3) Convincing your significant other that you’re not going home with some dude at the end of a girls’ night out. Or any time you’re going out without him.
Being told you’re beautiful is a true compliment when it comes from someone who truly loves you as a complete package. I’d give anything to be ordinary.
#9, HUGS. my husband deployed a year ago to the day tomorrow and we were apart for six months. the holidays were super hard for me and people can be so harsh without even realizing it. i know how you feel and i know what you’re going through. don’t hesitate to reach out if you ever need to talk. <3
#2 – I’ve been there and I feel for you. Spent 11 years of my adult life with the guy I thought I’d grow old with, then went and fell for the great guy who’d been just a friend. I wondered the same thing — if it was possible to love two people at once.
Even when I realized I wasn’t in love with my husband anymore, I almost stayed because it was easier; finally deciding to leave was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but was absolutely the right decision for me. So big hugs to you and best of luck in making whatever decision is right for you too.
I’m with you #4. It just became too much work to keep up with all the new people and unfortunately there was just enough negativity brought in that I got….tired.
I’m definately hearing #4. I was around the 400th member and met some amazing bloggers through 20SB, but find the community has evolved into somthing I no longer feel a part of.
#2 – I married someone who I thought was right, who I loved. And then I fell in love with someone else. Just like that. I didn’t plan on it, didn’t want it, but I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had to pick myself and do what my heart wanted. So I got a divorce. I loved my husband, but our life together wasn’t what I’d wanted – it was what I’d gotten used to.
And now, a few years later, I’m married to the “other guy” – happily. My life is what I wanted and he’s what I wanted, not what felt comfortable.
If I have any advice – it’s don’t be afraid to be selfish! Good luck to you!
#9, I can understand how those comments make you feel. I hope you might take some comfort in knowing that many of us are aware of your sacrifice and are praying for you and sending good thoughts to you and yours during this season.
For every woman that ever thinks that a relationship would work if she had been more beautiful or thinner, I say ELIN WOOD! SANDRA BULLOCK! EVA LONGORIA! They are all glorious visual examples of a ‘standard’ for female beauty and they still got cheated on. And their marriages broke up over it. Looks have very little to do with it. The kind of person you are inside doesn’t have much to do with it either. The character of the man you’re with has EVERYTHING to do with it.
#7 – From one severe shop-a-holic to another, I send you big hugs and support. Shopping serves as filling a void. Here’s hoping you find the right sort of help you need. Know you aren’t alone. At all. Ever.
#9 – Thank you for submitting this. I get so annoyed when people complain about being around their families at Christmas. Merry Christmas and I hope you’re able to talk with your husband next week! HUGS!
how do I get a password??
2 ~ It happens more than you realize. You are not alone.
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