It’s The Secret Project time.
But before I share it, a few things:
1. Holy cats. My inbox is insane right now. I have no idea how many submissions I have received, but I’m always looking for more. I’m really thankful for everyone who has volunteered. I tend to hyperventilate if I have more than 20 emails in my inbox (see #7), and I currently am wading in a 4-digit email inbox. And I couldn’t be happier. Keep volunteering! (Besides being a project for me to dig into as I sort through.. well, everything- it’s been a wonderful excuse to look at my porn- aka. stationary options. Hooray.)
2. TLC’s Extreme Couponing. What. The. Fuck.
3. I have a metric ton of The Secret Project submissions to tend to, but this one seemed like it needed it’s own post. Please feel free to respond and offer your insights (especially since I know so many of you are photographers). Also? I was asked by two people who posted in last months The Secret Project post to say THANK YOU, to those who responded because it made a huge difference to both of them.
4. One last thing about the 365 Letter Project: you guys are hilarious. I had at least 20 people write in with “… and if you are a serial killer, I know karate/kickboxing/ways to kick your ass”. I promise I’m not a bad person.
Okay. Now on to the secret….
I was the photographer for my brother’s wedding last year. They still do not have the pics. I haven’t even finished editing all of them. I am not a full-time photographer and my regular job took a lot of my time {I was just let go at my company}. From the very beginning, I explained to them that I didn’t want to do the job because I was still learning my camera settings and I hate editing. My mom and my brother had me cornered to talk me into it. My brother’s comment was “do it as a wedding gift to us.” The thing is that there’s no way I would give anyone that extreme of a wedding gift. I was at their wedding for 12 hours and never even got a piece of cake! My hands ached because my lens was so heavy and my legs were throbbing in pain from walking around for 12 hours straight! I remember sleeping for like 10 hours that night, I was exhausted. My sister-in-law was a B**** the whole day… actually she always is. She was so uncooperative! I hate the fact that I never got to enjoy my little brother getting married. They never paid me but I’m trying to be understanding since that was the deal, as it was a gift. I just can’t believe that I let them con me into that. I don’t know if I should just give them an unedited CD of the pics or edit them in a rush and give it to them over the holidays. I will never do anything like that for family again, especially now that my photography side business is growing and getting better. Of course, if i ever vented about this to any of my clients they would walk away. I wish people understood how hard photography really is.. especially when working with bridezillas.
Oh geez. What a bum deal! That was just asking way too much. I worked for a photography company but the photographers were all long time family friends. I refused to even hire them because I wanted them to enjoy my wedding. In fact, I wouldn’t dream of asking them.
Sounds like the bride and groom were not very considerate at all. I would just give them a choice: I will take FOREVER to edit these pics OR You can have them all as they are now.
x
I’m terrified now! My SIL asked me to shoot her wedding and I’m NOT a photographer. That is a lot of pressure, I don’t want to screw anything up. I feel like I can’t say no though. And to make matters worse, she’s one of those “You have a great camera!” people. You know the ones.
This probably sounds like a weird offer since I don’t know you, but I LOVE to edit. That’s my favorite part. I’d be willing to help if you want a hand…
i mean i know we just tweeted about this but Extreme Couponing?!? because everyone should buy 1100 boxes of Total next time they hit up the grocery store, gah! madness!
also on a more serious note, that just stinks about the pics to your brother’s wedding and the whole situation. i say just give them the CD and be done with it.
First, I’m going to be brutally honest with you. Unless you truly believe that your family “conned” you into doing a tough job for free, please stop thinking of it like that. I would guess that they pressured you, sure, but also that neither they nor you understood how tough the job would be. Your relationship with your brother (and the bitchy SIL) will be so much smoother going forward if you can begin to see this as a big misunderstanding that you’re choosing to manage better from here forward.
Second, I think it’s key to get your brother alone and have a calm conversation from where things currently stand. Not bringing into it how exhausting the day was for you or that you didn’t get to enjoy it at all (both of which suck for you, I’m sorry! And I too, have already told a harpist friend that whether she plays at my far-in-the-future wedding will be entirely up to her), but that you have not had sufficient free time up ’til now to do the editing work. Then leave it to him. Set a reasonable timeline for when you think you could give him edited photos and offer either to meet that self-established deadline or give him the unedited set. I think it would also go a long way if you brought 10-20 photos to your conversation with him, so that he has something to show off to friends and the rest of the family (and a way to shut up the SIL).
As for the photography side business? Maybe this is a great lesson in setting expectations for your clients (and understanding theirs)? Then ask fellow photographers to see their contract boilerplate and adopt what works for you. I work on contracts with creatives all the time and know how tricky that right-brained to left-brained translation can be.
Good luck!
If you need help with language for contracts, let me know. I would be happy to help you (pro bono)with that (I’ve worked for an attorney, so I’ve got experience with this).
Photography is TONS of work and there is so much risk involved, be sure to get yourself some insurance. Bridezillas are usually more than happy to sue (this isn’t to put you off pursuing photography, just a word to the wise from someone who has seen it happen).
All that being said, I am sorry you didn’t get to enjoy your brother’s wedding. Maybe you can edit the photos in batches which will make it seem less overwhelming. Good Luck!
The Man shot a friend’s wedding and he swore he would never ever do it again. (And that was pre-digital.)
This is a really hard situation, but I think at the end of the day it boils down to something really simple: are you going to edit the photos, or aren’t you?
While the day its self was hard (I’ve shot weddings for hard clients, I get that) you can definitely learn from this in a positive way in terms of setting firm boundaries with your family. And while your frustration is valid- it was a hard experience – I feel like it’s good to take responsibility for your actions. If you said yes to the gift, you weren’t conned into anything, you agreed to it.
If you’re going to edit the photos for them I really recommend that you get them done over this weekend, and move on. You don’t have to be held hostage by knowing this huge project is looming over you, and you can make the gift you agreed to give them a positive thing instead of holding it over them, feeling resentful about having to do it at all, and having it linger on. Wedding related things aren’t something that anyone takes lightly, and if you handle it poorly it could cause a rift. Lame as that might be, a client is a client and even if they’re family you should give them the same respect and treat their files the same as your others.
If you can’t edit them, find them someone who can. There might be another photographer with downtime who you can pay to take on the work, or an assistant with a talent for this. You have the expertise in this area, and giving them a strong lead, or handling outsourcing the editing privately will give them a positive experience too.
It’s hard, but since you agreed to do it and are learning from the experience, I totally recommend you treat them like any other client- and if you wouldn’t give a client a half edited wedding, don’t do it to family. It won’t be something they’ll let you forget.
AMEN to everything Kyla just said. The decision is yours: are you going to do the edits, or not?
Tone doesn’t tend to translate in writing, so please believe me that I’m not saying this in a condescending, harsh, or derisive way. Personally, I have a much easier time dealing with problems if someone gives me two options: do the editing, or don’t. Either choice costs something, it’s just a matter of deciding what you’re willing to “pay” for the issue to be closed (in either direction).
Ultimately, it sounds like this has already helped you learn to run your own business… and it can only get better from here. Just think, one day, you’ll be dishing with another wedding photog, and be able to say, “Oh, you think that’s bad? Let me tell you about this ONE gig…”
All that said… I’d want to vent it out, too. This would piss me off for years on end.
I am not a photographer, so take this with a grain of salt.
BUT DUUUUDE. I feel your pain. I agreed to officiate at two friends’ wedding. (Mistake 1.) I did not set boundaries or expectations for my role at the wedding ahead of time. (Mistake 2.) I did not speak up for myself when *their* wedding plans began to take over *my* life. (Mistake 3.)
We ended up meeting (for dinner at rather expensive restaurants they picked) multiple times to discuss the vows, ceremony, etc. They sent me endless, vague requests for re-writes of the vows and ceremony. “The feeling is… off… Could we try some things that are different?” I was working crazy hours at two jobs at the time, so admittedly, my patience was running low. Still, they didn’t pay for a single meal, offer to pay me for performing the ceremony (I would have refused, but it would have been nice to have been asked), or even write me a thank you card after the wedding. I felt somewhat taken advantage of.
However, at the end of the day, I decided that it was important *to me* to do the job I agreed to do. I worked hard on the ceremony and the vows. In the end, it turned out beautifully. Several guests even asked for copies of the ceremony and vows. Was it worth the grief I went through in the months before the wedding? Definitely not, but I’m glad I did the job I said I’d do.
Ultimately, we’re all still friends. I chalked the experience up to weddings bringing out the cray-cray/self-absorption in people.
My advice? Figure out a way to get this off your plate. Whether that means hiring someone else to do the editing, giving them the unedited photos, or doing the editing yourself, you need to get this done before it ruins your relationship with your brother. Believe me, when it’s all over, you’ll feel a lot better.
My second piece of advice? Avoid working for family and friends, and don’t work without a contract. It’s a lesson most of us (unfortunately) learn the hard way.
OK, I’m a photographer, so this is my opinion. I don’t photograph weddings of people in my family. First of all, if there happens to be a bitchy SIL, BIL, or whatever, I don’t want to be responsible if for whatever reason, they get upset because the photos weren’t exactly what they had envisioned in their wedding fantasy. Second of all, I want to enjoy the wedding. Third, I like cake and I want some.
Wedding photography is the hardest job that I do (I also do a lot of family portraits). It is by far the longest day–at least 12 hours, and that is just the beginning (hello, unending hours at the computer editing). So when I take a wedding client, I don’t do so lightly. Since they definitely pressured you into it, I don’t think you should feel badly at all that you are just getting to their photos. Also, I would create a slideshow of all of the unedited photos (minus the ones of people blinking, etc). Tell them that they can choose 100 images (or whatever number works for you) that you will edit free of charge. If they want more than that, they can pay you for your time or per photo edited. Then, they can have the cd of the edited images, as well as a cd of the rest of the unedited images. This way, you are in control of the amount of editing you will do, and they still get the photos. Plus, they will probably take a while chosing the ones they would like to have edited, and this will give you a little break from them.
I totally understand how you would feel! They probably don’t even realize how ginormous of a gift this is to them! Good luck!
I understand that this must be very frustrating for you and that part of participating in the Secret Project is the opportunity to vent. I get that. But to be honest, this reads to me like a whiny rant about how you are so hard done by because you are being forced to do the job you agreed to but you just really, really, don’t feel like it.
It does sound like they made it hard for you to say no in a reasonable way and you felt obligated to do this. But I doubt they knew the extent of what they were asking of you, and you didn’t either. It also sounds like you didn’t stand up to yourself and you’re somewhat mad at yourself for that, but taking it out on them by holding their photos hostage.
I would probably either do exactly as Kyla said and just do it all this weekend, or if you want an easier version of that, edit your 10 favourites and let them pick 10 other favourites for you to edit (or some other number of your choosing), then just give them the rest unedited.
As much as it is not something you enjoy and you feel negative about the whole experience, be the bigger person here and keep your promise. Do the work and get it off your plate so you can stop feeling awful about it and move on.
People always underestimate how hard things are. Mrs Ryan is a knitter. People are always saying “Could you knit a {blank} for me to give to someone?” Uhhh… ok I don’t think you realize how valuable hand-knit things really are. Aside from the fact that the yarn itself is expensive (unless you’re getting crap from Walmart) the amount of time it takes to knit something makes it worth way more than you would ever pay for it. There’s a reason “hand-knit” things in stores are made in Bangladesh.
I’m not a photographer, but I agree with Kyla and Camily.
Occasionally I’ll take on freelance writing/editing projects that are super small and yet I really procrastinate in doing them. As much as I love to do those things, I hate having to do them for someone else on someone else’s schedule. It’s something I’m learning, which is good because now I know to really think before I take on anything.
That being said, you started down the path so now it’s about how you can get it done quickly so you don’t have to worry about it ever again. I like Camily’s idea of presenting all the photos and asking them to pick a few of their favorites that you’ll edit.
In their defense, a year is a long time to wait for wedding photos. But, in your defense, you told them you didn’t want to do this and you didn’t get paid so they sort of knew what they were signing up for. More than anything, I think you’ve just got to get this project done for your own mental health and sanity. Then you can hold a grudge about your bitchy SIL for as long as you want :-)
As a side note, I also wonder if you should think about this instance in relation to your new business. As much as you love photography, is wedding photography what you REALLY want to do. Not being a photographer, I had no idea how much work it is, but after reading the comments, I’d really think about it. Sure, this was a special instance because it was family, but the 12 hour days, endless editing, and bitchy brides will never go away. More and more, I’m becoming a firm believer in keeping your passions and your work separate — because then your passions will inevitably just become work and that’s no fun. So, I’d just think a little a be sure you really want to go down that path.
Good luck!
P.S. Brandy — I never even thought about you being a stalker. Crap! But I’m from Detroit, so I could totally take you ;-)
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by brandyismagic, brandyismagic. brandyismagic said: New "The Secret Project". I also share my deep insights into TLC's "Extreme Couponing". Really, everyone wins. http://bit.ly/giv9Yx [...]
And here I sent you my address secretly hoping you would stalk me.
;-)
As for the photographer issue- my sis is a photographer and I’ve heard all the stories. She even got roped into doing a cousin’s friend’s wedding and never got paid! (It was promised she’d be paid.) I would just get it over with- edit the photos, get them to the couple, and move on. The longer it’s put off, the more it weighs. And take the lesson with you- stand your ground and trust your own boundaries.
[...] from: http://brainyjane22.wordpress.com/2011/01/05/shh/ [...]
If it’s been this long, I think you really need to edit them. At least then you could pretend that you wanted to make sure that they were perfect. For the sake of family harmony, I would take the high ground.
I think I would set a goal of editing a set number of photos a night (maybe 10?) until they’re all done. It’s easy to procrastinate when your goal is huge and overwhelming. If it’s in smaller and more manageable chunks, it might be less intimidating.
If the new SIL is that much of a Bridezilla, you might not have enjoyed the wedding day that much. At least now you have some wedding experience under your belt (even if it’s just to say, “I will never shoot another wedding again!”).
I shot a wedding once and it was pretty stressful. I was worried about whether or not they’d like their photos. One thing I did was I had a photo book printed for them as a surprise. They loved it. If you do that, maybe they’ll think you were waiting for the book to get back! ;)
Okay, so i’m a photographer. I shoot weddings FOR A LIVING and this makes me furious. I’m trying to be all cam and zen about this but it’s hard. All I want to do is tell this kid what an asshole he is and that people like this are giving photographers that actually care a bad wrap.
Since it was your gift to them, pay some money and outsource the editing to shootdotedit or somewhere similar, so they are all color corrected and look good for them. THIS IS THEIR WEDDING DAY. the single most important day of their lives and you are treating it like it doesn’t matter because you were “conned” and because it’s a lot of work. photography is a LOT of work.
But do you know something? I just shot a wedding for free because the clients won a contest that i ran. It was on new years day, which meant i spent my new years eve sober. good times. But I came home, booted up my computer and gave them a same day preview because as a good photographer, THAT IS WHAT YOU DO. it’s not about you and how tired you are or were or whatever. If you are trying to start a business, you owe it to them to deliver on a product. end of story.
i have so much more to say about this, but this isn’t the place. if you want help (i’m a damn good editor) i’d be happy to help. just let me know.
My husband’s a photographer and he HATES doing weddings. He only does a couple a year because of the money.
That said, if you have a side business, then I assume you have photoshop. If you have photoshop then you can choose one of the pictures and set up certain edits to be applied to all of the photos. This will lessen your time in editing.
Also I think you agreed to do this, so you need to follow through and edit the photos. Especially b/c if this was a paying client, you wouldn’t even be considering not doing the editing.
You’re really funny! I’m glad I stumbled on your site! Keep being awesome and casing me to time travel!
Whitney
…causing…not casing.
What Rachel and Laura said. I’m sorry, but… actually I’m not sorry. Boo hoo you had sore legs and sore hands from your camera. Seriously? Really? That’s the extent of the hardship ON YOUR BROTHER’S WEDDING DAY? And that’s their fault, why? Maybe they did pressure you but you could have said no, I mean you could have actually formed the words. Don’t make it out that you had no choice. You had a choice. And now by not editing these pics you’re running a whole racket of proving yourself right about how unsuited you were for the job and how much you didn’t want to do it. Was your sister in law a bitch all day? Really? Or was she just disappointed that you spent the entire day complaining about having sore legs and not getting any cake? Maybe you didn’t realise what a big job it was (I certainly didn’t till reading the responses to this post), but that surely means they didn’t either. So talk to them about? Explain that you didn’t realise the size of the job, perhaps they could help with the editing? The situation is certinaly not ideal but the real culprit and problem here is how you’ve handled it from start to finish, not that they asked you in the first place. Get over it. Edit the photos, don’t edit them, outsource, ask someone else to do it, but stop whining.