Everything came to a point today when I told Giuliana Rancic that her tweet was dumb and she sounded shallow. Sure, I said it differently, but that’s what I was feeling when she told her 2,152,611 followers to compliment people today and then only gave examples that related to appearance.
I’m not sure why I even gave it a second thought but before I knew it- I was steaming about it. I promptly replied that it sounded like a great idea but complimenting someone on something besides their appearance might make it even better. And then I thought about it all day. Like a crazy person.
A crazy person who knows that even her angriest tweet comes across like a thumbs up and a hug.
I’m not sure if it’s how I was raised or because I’m a teacher who is forced to water down upset feelings (after all, 8 year olds have tender hearts) but I’ve never really been good about talking about being angry. Or communicating that I AM angry. Even my tweet to Giuliana, that I thought was both vicious and cutthroat came off as happy as two baby kittens holding hands and wearing tiaras. Or maybe it’s because I’m 5″2 with blonde hair and a high voice and I don’t come off as intimidating- or capable of creating a rage worthy of noting. Whatever the reason, I’ve never been the teacher people thought was strict, I’ve never been the person others have feared or have imagined being angry enough to throw a drink in someones face.
But sometimes I get angry.
When you embarrass the trainee at the drugstore by complaining how long she’s taking, I get angry. When you refuse to acknowledge my depression or ask about my life during a 3 hour conversation, I’m angry. When you drive 10 mph in a 70 mph zone and are under the age of 60, I’m angry. When you show up late without apology, when you act like I’m incapable, when you believe global warming is a myth created by Al Gore to sell dvds, I get angry. When you purposely leave people out to make yourself feel more included, I get angry (and sad for you because let’s face it- that’s pathetic). When you don’t send your child to school with a lunch, I get angry. When you blame their inability to learn on me, I get irate. When you refuse to recycle, think slurs are appropriate slang, constantly whine about your life without thinking about making a change, I get angry. When you complain about not being in touch but don’t pick up the phone, I get angry. When you continue to buy beauty magazines when you know they make you feel horrible, I get angry. When the only time you email is when you need something I can give, I get angry. And hurt.
And I guess that’s what anger is. Hurt feelings combined with adrenaline. Sadness, confusion or depression on steroids and looking for action. When I’m solely sad, I meltdown- slowly. I crumble into a heap of unwashed hair and dirty clothes. Used kleenex and achy limbs. But when I’m hurt or offended and allow anger to find a way to seep in- I take action. I scrub, I clean, I run, I write… I tweet. I will always prefer anger to sadness- there’s always something to show for my feelings. A clean bathroom, a new blog post, another celebrity who will never want to meet me.
What was I angry about this morning when Giuliana sent out her innocent tweet to the world? Had someone belittled my feelings or downplayed my depression? Had I drove to work behind a car incapable of signalling? Had I got a nasty email complaining about my blog or a text from a friend to uninvolved to ever call? No. None of that happened. I got angry today because I wanted to. I felt like being angry. And being angry felt good. Maybe that’s wrong to say, maybe that’s something that will never sound right once it’s said out loud but sometimes just being pissed off just because you are human and can do WHATEVER YOU WANT feels like the right choice, bystanders be damned.
So I guess I owe Giuliana an apology.
At least my bathroom is clean.
*Maybe it’s a Canadian thing but I feel like I need to add in here that I actually adore Giuliana (even if I can never spell her name correctly) and her reality show is on my top three list of FAVOURITE REALITY PROGRAMS. And if you know how much I love my Housewives, you know that’s saying something.
I think that when anger is used appropriately and not misdirected, it can be quite powerful! It puts things into action! Especially when we feel that there has been some kind of injustice!
“When you purposely leave people out to make yourself feel more included, I get angry (and sad for you because let’s face it- that’s pathetic).”
I had to recently deal with this at my school … among my colleagues! Pathetic isn’t the word.
Yes, anger is cathartic. So is crying (as I discovered yesterday after a 10-minute bawlathon). Let’s cry and get angry and furious because we all have our reasons and shouldn’t allow others to judge us.
Yes! There are some things that I can’t seem to move past lately because I can’t seem to get angry about them. The sadness has no problem showing up, but sadness is an energy drain. Anger can fuel me.
I have a whole room to make over and a semester to wrap up. I could use some anger already!
Also, you’re totally right. We should compliment each other more, but not only about physical things! I like to tell strangers when I like something that they’re wearing, but if it’s a nice color on them, I sometimes phrase it in a way to let them know that they made the right choice. It’s still about the obvious, physical aspect that I can see, but I’m trying to make it more!
Next time you get angry would you mind coming to my house please? I have a closet or two that I’d be happy to turn over to you! I think it’s important to acknowledge your emotions, repression is not healthy.
If it makes you feel better, I could totally sense your hardcore anger in this post. See – you’re not a nicey nice teacher who only does kittens and tiaras all the time!
I have the opposite problem you do…I’m too good at expressing anger. Words and venom create a perfect cocktail inside me and come out in really biting remarks and diatribes. I think you and I could benefit from doing a little emotional trade!
i can kind of relate. i don’t really like feeling angry. and when i do, i don’t know how to really… process it. on top of that, and actually, even more of an issue i think, is that i don’t deal well with other’s anger. i take it too much to heart, take it personally, and just… don’t like conflict. mostly because growing up, i never had to deal with any of it. which is both good and bad, i guess. and that’s what bi-weekly counseling has gotten out of me. woo!
I love this. I’m so glad that I am not the only one who loses her shit over the random ramblings of an insignificant celebrity. And starts organizing her closets when she’s pissed. Come to think of it, my house deserves me to be angry more often. I don’t know you, but I enjoy coming here and I find your strength and bravery inspiring. Someone in Arizona is sending you happy thoughts. :)
See, now, when I’m angry, I seeeeeethe. And right now I’m livid at the internet. So I’ll quietly seethe off screen and take a blog/twitter/facebook hiatus (except for the lucky few who never grate my nerves — like you, dear).
But seriously. Seething. Need some fucking nutella in my face immediately.
Oooh, love this post. I have a really hard time admitting when I’m angry. This makes me want to write my own post about it. Big hugs.
I don’t really think you owe her an apology. You disagreed with her point in some respects and spoke your mind. That doesn’t make you an asshole. And I agree, complimenting people on things other than their appearance would be BETTER because we certainly have enough fucked up stuff going on around beauty and image.
I spent a good deal of my life being angry. I felt powerless and so my anger made me feel like I was DOING SOMETHING. But underneath it was sadness and eventually that welled up and spilled over. But they all come from the same source, don’t they?
As women especially we are not taught to express anger and when we do, we’re told we’re a bitch. It’s bullshit and it makes me angry!
P.S. I always clean when angry.
I’m the same exact way! Except, I know when I’m angry, I’m just afraid to hurt anybodies feelings so I never say anything. And I agree with whoever said it, but you don’t owe Guiliana an apology. You simply disagreed, which is allowed.
And I’m feeling like the grammar in my comment is funky. I’m incredibly tired, sorry!!
I get angry passive aggressively. Or just plain old school yard meanly.
Spite and malice and silent treatments abounding.
I am not proud.
I’m working on fixing it, but “talking about feelings like an adult” still feels strange to me most of the time.
People don’t always take me seriously when I am mad. In fact over the weekend I was playing cards with someone who sort of broke a rule of the game. When I said something, they continued playing and kind of laughed like I was making a joke. I stopped and said “I am not kidding. You cheated and I am mad for real”.
Somehow I don’t ever seem to look or sound as angry as I am so it doesn’t seem to sink in to people that I really am mad. That doesn’t even take into account all the times I don’t want to sound mad because I don’t like hurting other peoples feelings.
Now that my entire comment has been about me (sorry!), I think what you said was fine. Complimenting someone for something about them instead of about how they look is so much better. It isn’t awful to tell her you think so, you just have a different opinion and differences are fine. I’m sure as far as things people have said to her when they are angry, this would be the best she could hear. I can also completely relate to the thinking about it all day and kind of stewing in it part.
Both your reasons and the way you express your anger sounds pretty healthy to me. Being able to leave an angry comment without hurting someone’s feelings or saying something so harsh you’ll regret it later is a pretty good skill to have when you look at it. I tend to just get frustrated when I’m angry because it’s usually over something I feel I have no control over, and that pisses me off.
Next time I’m angry I’ll pick up a mop perhaps!
I’m also a 5’2″ blonde and soft-spoken so when I was student teaching with high school seniors they were all bigger than me and definitely not intimiated! Actually I think I was intimidated by them! haha.
But yeah, I understand that we all sometimes direct anger at the wrong people. Giuliana (I agree; I have to slow down and think when typing her name, lol!) probably didn’t mean that to be a shallow thing, but I can see how it sounded shallow! So maybe it’s not a bad thing that you brought it to her attention!
I like this post, and how you described anger/what causes it & how you “fix” it. I love Giuliana & Bill’s reality show too, btw; it’s right up there on my list along with Bethenny Ever After! lol.
Since you won’t let me comment on your new post (how RUDE.), I’m sneaking over to this one to tell you that you simply embody grace, my dear.
Yes, yes and yes! My anger (and the rest of my family’s anger) is loud and aggressive with stomping and door slamming. I understand that anger. I grew up with that anger. It burns hot and dies quickly.
But, I get really uncomfortable with people whose anger burns slowly, powerfully, quietly. I get scared by quiet anger not because it’s wrong, but it’s unfamiliar.
Some very close people to me experience this quiet anger (not often) and I’m slowly learning to deal with it.
Why don’t you put that anger to good use and not waste time writing this blog!