When You Have Too Much To Say, This Is How You Say It

September 4th, 2011 in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, earning my dork badge, i wrote this just for the picture, open letter, picture therapy, the one that nobody reads because of the title, things I don't say outloud, you're skimming this one

Dear students in my new class,
I already adore you. Sure, you don’t need me in the same ways as my class last year but you still are so innocent and entertaining. While reading to you about Terry Fox, I looked up  and realized that not a single one of you were playing with toys in your desk or were blowing spit bubbles. All 23 of you sat in rapt attention and a few of you looked close to tears as we talked about what it must have taken to get up each morning and run, like Terry did. And when one of you raised your hand and said that the only other person who you thought was a hero besides Terry Fox was Nick Jonas because he has diabetes, you said it so sincerely that I just could not laugh. Grade 5 is going to be an amazing year.

Love,
Your teacher

Dear Due Date (the movie),
WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME HOW FUNNY YOU WERE?!

RDJ4EVER,
a fan.

Dear Pinterest,
Why can’t I quit you? We are at the point where I feel fully enraged each time I see another “Keep Calm and…” poster. I MEAN, WE GET IT. NO MORE. And I’ve found enough crafts to do with paint chips until I will be as old and wrinkly as E.T. Yet…. yet, before I go to bed I consider the possibility that there’s just one more thing that I need to learn about. Another way to fold blankets, another spinach dip recipe, another quote that will jolt my heart.  I need an intervention.

Addicted,
brandy

Dear Heart,
Remember: he only misses you because he chooses everyday, not to be with you.

Firmly,
Your brain.

Dear person I can’t name without getting ‘dooced’,
The way you are treating people at the place I cannot name without getting dooced, is very, very uncool. And right now you are probably thinking “a) it’s unprofessional to use the word ‘uncool and b) it’s unprofessional to discuss any of these matters on a blog” and although you do raise valid points, I would counter with- it’s also unprofessional to make people feel like they are as worthy as the slimy food debris leftover in the sink after watching a buffet worth of dishes. Be nicer, it makes life so much better.

Sincerely,
A person who deserves everything that Aretha Franklin sings about.

Dear Nicole,
SKYPE. I haven’t forgot. At this point, it’s embarrassing that I’m so far behind on things that it physically hurts. Mostly in my brain area. I have forgotten how going back to school sort of means I AM AT THE SCHOOL 14 HOURS A DAY. IF you shall still have me, I can do it this weekend after I write you an apology email and send you all the best Josh Lyman quotes on the internet.

Apologetically yours,
brandy

Dear Macy the new dog,
I am counting down the days until I actually get to meet you. I’ve only turned 30 once, but getting you as a gift was pretty amazing. Even if I only have the picture of you for now. Apparently you like snacks and belly rubs. We already share two things in common.

One week!
Your adoring owner.

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