“The only way I can convince my husband to visit my parents is by promising sex in the bathroom. Works every time!”

New: Important follow-up at the end of the post

Secret Project Time!

Also, look at how cute Macy is!

I know. I KNOW. Adorable. Now to the secrets!

1. My friend from work is dating a former coworker of ours whom I can’t stand. I think he’s obnoxious and stupid and full of himself when he has no reason to be. Even though she seems really happy with him, I keep hoping that they’ll break up, and I feel awful about it.

2.  I love my life. Everyone around me is struggling in some area but I just feel like I won the lottery. I have a great marriage, healthy kids, awesome support system and I love my job. When  my friends start complaining I feel like they almost resent me for not joining in, but I really don’t have anything to add. Which? Ends up making me feel guilty for the life I’ve been so blessed to receive. It’s a no win situation.

3. Im pretty sure I’m at least bisexual. I might be all out gay. I don’t know. I’m in a heterosexual relationship and haven’t the first clue how to even explore or consider any of these things. I just know I’m exhausted repressing them.

4. I’m engaged, but I spend most of my time vacillating between having huge doubts or being so sad thinking about leaving him.

5. Any time someone on facebook or twitter says ‘Getting rid of contacts, nothing personal- just need to downsize!’, I just want to yell “JUST DO IT and don’t tell anyone if you don’t want drama or hurt feelings!’. Don’t these people realize that as soon as they announce something like that, all it does is hurt the feelings of everyone who gets deleted? I made the cut (notice sarcasm here) but it just reeks of desperation when people do that! (Sorry for sounding bitchy, this has been on my mind for awhile)

6.  I’m afraid of my dreams and ambitions. I routinely settle for less, do less and don’t try as hard because I feel like if I tried my hardest, I would be judged harshly for my choices. I’m aware of how ludicrous this sounds, but I really want to be one of those “famous” fashion bloggers like Cupcakes & Cashmere. I know I could do it, if i just put in the time and effort, but I’m afraid my family and friends who read my blog would think it’s a waste of time & they are so vocal about their opinions. I feel like an idiot (for no reason I can name) for wanting to do it, so I just don’t try. Consequently, I have almost no readers and its upsetting every time I post that no one reads or comments, even though I know it’s probably my own fault.

7.  If you are a Republican, I assume you don’t know all the facts. I hate that I think this way, but as someone who is educated and fair minded, after doing as much research as possible on candidates for BOTH sides- I sincerely struggle to see how anyone would be able to be a Republican in today’s times. I don’t want to start a political war and I feel bad for being so direct but that’s why I’m contributing this as a secret rather than putting it out on my blog.

8. I’m tired of hearing about babies. All of them. Everywhere.

9.  Everyone talks about how often guys want to have sex. I’m a husband (no kids yet but a great wife) and i’m happy with once a week. We have sex more frequently because my wife wants it that way, but I can’t help but feel less ‘manly’ for being satisfied with less.

10.  I got engaged on Christmas Day but don’t want to tell anyone after reading so many snarky comments on twitter about how people are tired of hearing that people get engaged on Christmas Day. In truth, I wish he would have asked me on some random day but I’m happy that he asked and wished that I could enjoy it rather than worry what everyone else is thinking of the day he picked.

I often get follow up emails from those who submit secrets saying thank you for posting- not just because people like to get things off their chest, but because the sympathy, insight and advice people share in comments often helps them see things in a new way. So if you have something to share, remember- it’s always welcome!

Follow up: One individual who submitted a secret was so touched by the comments they asked if they could follow up with a thank you. Here are their words:

Michael,  I’d never heard of “gay/bi-positve therapists,” and my subsequent Googling of the terms led me to more resources than I knew existed, including the Wikipedia page for “sexual maturation disorder.” It seems silly to think this now, but I felt like absolutely zero people would understand how this feels. Thank you so much for your response to this. For the first time in months, I feel a little bit of relief/hope that this is something I’ll be able to get through, because you and others have done so already. Thank you. 

Renee, thank you, also, for the echoing of Michael’s words. 

Meeks, thank you also for the hugs :)

17 comments to “The only way I can convince my husband to visit my parents is by promising sex in the bathroom. Works every time!”

  • #5 – 100% agree. JUST DO IT AND SHUT UP ABOUT IT!!

    and #6 – if you know you can do it – who cares what your friends/family will say! If it’s your passion, follow it through :)

  • #4 makes me sad…I’ve so been there.

  • Laura

    #4 – It’s a hard decision, but having been in your shoes and then having been through a broken engagement myself, I will tell you that life can be really really great after going through that. If you know in your heart it’s not right, I promise you the broken engagement is easier than a divorce, and a divorce is easier than being miserable in a relationship you know is wrong for the rest of your life. I remember feeling like I had to be absolutely sure it was the right decision before I broke up with him, but you know what? You should be absolutely sure you’re making the right decision before you marry him.

    #6 – Please don’t settle for a life where you don’t even bother trying to achieve what you want. You will regret it. You only get one life, and it’s YOURS to live, not your family & friends. They get their own. If they think blogging is silly, that’s ok… they don’t have to blog, and they don’t even have to read yours :) Honestly, just tell them that.

  • I would like to high five the writer of #5. There is no good reason to announce that you are unfollowing people. It’s just rude and attention-seeking.

    And congrats to #10! Please don’t let internet snark steal your moment.

  • #10- CONGRATULATIONS! Please don’t let anyone get you down. This is a moment you’ll only experience once- enjoy it!

    #5- Ugh, I was just talking about that. I think it’s so obnoxious when people do that.

  • #2 – I’m happy for you! I complain a lot but feel really blessed most of the time. Thank you for making me realize how lucky I really am. Happiness should be celebrated!

    #3 & #4 – I have no advice but just wanted to offer virtual hugs and support. I can’t imagine what that feels like and hope you both find your way to happiness, whatever that means.

    #6 – DO IT! I am also someone who is terrified of trying her hardest because failure is SO. HUGE. But after reading your comment, I am inspired. What are we so afraid of? Being amazing??! Fuck everyone else – make yourself happy. I can’t wait to read about your success!! Uhhh…Please come back and share your success so I can read about it :)

    #7 & #8 – WORD.

    #9 – While she may truly want more – she may be questioning whether or how much you really want her. Please let her know she satisfies you and that you are attracted to her.

    #10 – Congratulations!! I am so one of those people who would snarkily comment but really…it’s because we’re haters and wish it were us. I’m even in a happy, loving relationship but the grass is always greener, right? ENJOY YOUR HAPPINESS! Shout it to the world.

  • #5 – I believe you were residing in my head. I started unfollowing/unfriending people who pull that stunt. Life is too busy and awesome to put up with drama mongers.

    #2 & #10 – It’s okay to be happy. Tell your friends your good news. Help those who are in a rough spot. Be grateful everyday for what you have.

  • #2 It’s lovely that you have a great life and appreciate it. Maybe some of the negative people around you could stand to be a bit more grateful themselves – their lives probably aren’t as bad as they think either, it’s all about perspective!

    #5 – yes!!! it does my head in when people do this. Why befriend people in the first place if you are just going to make an announcement about a cull on a regular basis???

    #10 – congrats! don’t feel like you can’t tell people about it – like one commenter above said we are just haters who are a bit jealous that wish it were us! You shout it from the rooftops if you want. (Or just post it on FB cos that’s easier!)

  • #10: I saw the snarky messages on Twitter and Facebook too. Never mind them! I’ll tell you a secret. I stopped talking about my book in Twitter because someone snarked that they HATED when bloggers advertised their products.

    I’m the idiot who let one persons voice drown out my happiness over achieving a lifelong dream.

    So let’s ignore them and get on with our lives? Right? RIGHT!

  • #4 – I’m going to take a slightly different tack than other commenters and say: thank god someone else feels that way. I’m also engaged and sometimes have doubts, which then compound themselves because hey, you’re not supposed to doubt getting married, right?! But you know what? I consider the doubts my way of realizing what a big effing deal marriage is and that even though you really love the guy you actually have no clue what marriage will be like and if you’ll make it. It’s a giant leap of faith coupled with a crap ton of work.

    At the end of the day, I know that if I couldn’t talk to my fiance every day, lean on him, laugh with him, or hear his voice, that life wouldn’t be as fab. So, down the aisle we go, knowing full well that I might be gaining life-long companionship, but I’m also gaining a second job. Hopefully it’s one I love :-)

    I’d suggest talking to your fiance about your feelings. Maybe he’s feeling them too. Or, talk to other close friends who are married. At the height of my doubts, I did that and it was so helpful to hear that I wasn’t alone and to be validated in my feelings. Perhaps even seek a little solo premarital counseling to help work through what you’re truly feeling. And, sure, if you really feel like this is a bad relationship and not what you want in a life-long companion, you should consider postponing or calling it off.

  • michael

    #3 – That’s a tough spot to be in. Don’t know if you are a man or a woman, but either way, I’d recommend you lay your sexual fantasy cards out on the table with your significant other. Maybe he/she will be into exploring with you! Or maybe it will end your relationship. But supressing it and ending up miserable later on – or another Larry Craig toe-tapping in an airport bathroom for a random hookup – will be worse. I guarantee it. If you don’t want to talk about it with your SO, find a gay & bi positive therapist to help you hash it out. You’ll be glad you did in the long run. I’m gay, and I came out later than most of my peers, because I suppressed it for too long. And I was really unhappy. Don’t follow the same route.

    #9 – Don’t let society bully you into thinking you’re less “manly”. Everyone’s drive is different, and yours happens to be a little lower than your wife’s. For now. Once you have kids, I imagine it will change. But communicate with her! Make sure she’s happy, makes she knows you’re happy, and all should be well.

  • #3 – Follow Michael’s advice above me. It’s really good advice.

    #2 – ME TOO. That is all. I am deliriously happy and feel I can’t shout it from the rooftops because it’d be inconsiderate.

    Brandy, it seems this batch is heavy on the “Internet is depressing” side of things. That makes me so sad. It seems social media has become SO judgmental and it’s hurting people’s feelings. What can we do about it?

  • #6 – oh, how I understand. although, I don’t have major dreams or ambitions blogging-wise, I feel the same way when it comes to my job.

  • michael

    I am flattered to have my comments noticed, but much more than that I am happy that they were of some help! I sincerely hope everything works out for you, #3

  • I could have written number 6. How sad :(

  • I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of these posts!

    #5….these people are so sad to me. Why do they think any of us care if they cut us from their FB “friends”? So pathetic.

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