Last year I went to BiSC (check the previous post if you don’t know what this. And no, this isn’t going to be another plea for me to get my ticket paid for. ALTHOUGH I’D REALLY LIKE IT IF I WON THAT CONTEST) and I admit- I did something for that trip I never thought I’d do.
And up until this second, I have never told anyone.
When I went to Vegas, I went with hair extensions.
And right now you are all- eye rolling and saying “girl, please. I thought you were going to give up something juicy like you got your lady parts groomed in the shape of a hashtag” but if you break it down- hashtagging yourself or hair extensions are both 100% awesome if you do it for yourself. I didn’t. I did it because I had this idea in my head that I would look so much more glamorous and ten thousand times more sophisticated.
The truth is, it was a disaster. What no one tells you about extensions is that they are a lot of work. And unless you are very artful with your updos- putting your hair up is pretty much just saying ‘hey! come check out the strip where the hair not belonging to me is sewn into my scalp!”. So I went to Vegas fully expecting to rock a gorgeous mane of flowing locks similar to a television shampoo model and I ended up with frizzy hair, that hung to my head like damp, dead golden cocker spaniel. And because the salon mentioned that I shouldn’t get my hair wet (unless I was showering), I forfeited any time in the pool. Instead, I sat on a lounge chair with my damp, synthetic mane clinging to my back while trying to avoid any possible head wind. You can imagine how glamorous I looked rocking the dead synthetic dog hairstyle and treating each gust of wind like it was the prelude to a nuclear attack.
The sad part is, the extensions didn’t even make my hair that much longer. It was more the idea of them. I thought I had pulled it off (despite my lack of pool time and my insistence to wear my hair down every day of the trip), until it was photo time one night and I caught Kelly gingerly ‘readjusting’ my hair. We never really spoke about it but her facial expression said ” THERE IS SOMETHING UP WITH YOUR HAIR AND I JUST MET YOU SO I DON’T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING. BUT THERE IS REALLY SOMETHING UP WITH YOUR HAIR.” (I love you, Kelly.)
The point of me sharing this deeply hidden secret is that I spent a lot of time on that amazing trip thinking about fake hair.
Just let that sentence sink in for a bit.
Here I was in Vegas, meeting ALL OF THE LOVELY PEOPLE and I was worried that my hair would come off with a hug or that my poor roommate would be forced to see the horror and tell tale sign of my extensions with the dreaded EXTENSION SHOW (I’m not even going to link you to a whole gallery of Britney extension shows. It’s too tragic for the internet). I can’t calculate on what I missed out on because I was focused on modeling luxurious model hair. I will tell you that if you are thinking about your own hair when you are excitedly hugging someone you’ve been dying to meet for the first time, chances are- you sort of screwed yourself.
So I’m off the extensions. I’m also off the friendships that look good on paper but require more work and effort than a 80 mile marathon. I’ve stopped giving reasons for my feelings- I do not need to validate how I feel by sharing examples or elaborating. I’m off giving a single damn about weight loss or weight gain. I have embraced my love for staying in on Saturday nights and no longer act like I’m uncool for relishing this time at home. I refuse to apologize for a single song on my ipod and I’m working on curbing my tendency to apologize for events out of my control. I will fully admit that being 30 years old is absolutely wonderful. And as much as I want to, I don’t remember to floss everyday. I am starting to like yoga but my favourite workout will always be dodgeball. I believe in equality and powerful women and still watch EVERY FRANCHISE OF THE REAL HOUSEWIVES.
I’m off the idea that I need to try to become anything other than the best version of myself.
Which? In my old world of wearing fake hair to look glamorous to others, takes the pressure off.
Especially when I look in the mirror and am happy with the (extension free) version of me that I currently am.
I’ve thought about hair extensions before as well. I’m sorry yours didn’t work out as you had wished, but I think the more important thing here, is the hair extensions taught you that you don’t need a silly clip on (or sew in, or whatever they do) to be as fabulous as you want to be. The fabulous is already inside, and you don’t need to make any extra adjustments to yourself or your hair for that to shine through.
Girl, the head that wore it is shadowed by the heart/soul that actually talked about it, laughed, and made it real. Authenticity is voluntary–and frankly, you rock.
I was too busy soaking up your awesomeness to even notice. Truth.
I really like this. And you know what the truth is? Every time I see a picture of you, I am envious of your hair. Really.
I have decided that I will eat whatever sugar I feel like, and not even worry about it. I can’t get bangs for the same reason you struggled with extensions. I would be distracted every minute of the day, wouldn’t stop playing with them, and would look like some greasy animal died on my forehead (a.k.a. hawt!).
I bet all of us in Vegas had some thing that fits the hair extensions category that was distracting us too much to notice the (unreal) flaws in each other. My favorite thing about getting older is how much easier it gets to leave that kind of thinking behind. So excited to see you again at BiSC!
You could have gotten those clip-on extensions, they’re much easier to handle! (At least that’s what my hair-extended friend says.)
The image of lady parts groomed in the shape of a hashtag sure as hell made for an amusing start to my Monday!
Wait. WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE. They SEW extensions to your SCALP?! I quit. I don’t know what I quit, but I think it’s everything. Yup, I quit everything if they actually sew fucking extensions to your SCALP.
Okay. Now that I’m over the trauma of that…
I may be weird (yes), but I’m reallllly looking forward to 30. It just sounds right. I’ve never been the person to look wistfully back on my past and hope for the simpler times of my teens (let’s face it, right now is way easier than any of my teen years), I’ve always looked forward to adulthood. And 30 just sounds so… adult. You carry it well, love. And I’m jealous of the comfort you’ve found in 30. And you’ve sufficiently convinced me to never try extensions, so, that’s a win.
(Also, had the backspace key never been invented, the first line of this comment would have read: “Wait. WAIT A DAGOMN MINTED.” Because clearly, one cup of coffee isn’t enough for me to form actual words.)
I didn’t know I needed this until now. Wow. I have a *list* of hair extension items to do before BiSC. I have some thinking to do. Which ones are for me? Thank you for sharing this, Brandy!
I spent most of my unoccupied brain time worrying about my weight and how fat I looked in certain clothes and how there was no way in fuck I was going to be seen in a swimsuit and I was really self-conscious about it. It probably didn’t help that I was rooming with Almie who looks like a freaking model, but I love her anyway.
Also, I totally don’t even remember this. I kind of giggled just now. It seems like something I would do, though. Especially if I was drunk. I always touch people’s hair when I’m drunk. Usually I’m stroking it and whining loudly about how much better their hair is than mine. Eh. These things happen.
Also, I had no idea that you had extensions in. Blew my mind, this post.
If you wear hair extensions this year, I’m going to tiger claw your face. Just be you, I already love the you that you are!
yeah i had no idea, clearly i was just too excited to MEET YOU AND HUG YOU AND OHMYGOD IT’S YOU! also. HEART YOU. always.
I adore this. Also? Hashtag pubes? Floored. Simply genius…welcome to the 30s, my dear. They’re rad and I’m so glad you’re getting more comfortable with you.
Jennbizzle will TIGER CLAW YOUR FACE?! That shit’s serious.
Also, you are amazing and fabulous and perfectly perfect the way you are and I think can speak for most of us when I say we were all just thinking “YAY!!! FINALLY!!!” about meeting you because you’re fabulous.
And hashtag pubes? Amazing. And slightly terrifying.
Your hair extension experience pretty much sums up my BiSC experience. How I wanted so badly to be this better version of who I am – not realizing that until after it was all over how much I missed out on because of it.
I hope you have such an amazing time being 100% you this time around.
I wonder if my esthetician actually *could* do a hashtag down there…
Also, I 100% adore you.
I love you. Now we need to not only remove everything between California and Canada, we also need to remove every page of the calendar that doesn’t say “May” and also “VEGAS, BITCHES.”
Omygosh! Hair extensions can be a bitch! I typically throw a couple clip in’s in my hair. But they always seem to get super tangled.
And this hashtag business…. highlarous!
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I think its right up your alley.
You are so fabulous you definitely don’t need hair extensions to be amazing. I’m looking forward to hanging out with (extension-free) you in May!