“Lately, I feel too nice for the internet.”

The Secret Project….

1. I like Nickelback. I’ve never gotten why everyone thinks they’re THAT bad.

2.  Having something to actually be sad about would make admitting that I’m this sad and broken easier and I might actually try to seek help. But I fear that having something that sad and horrible happen would crush me into a thousand pieces and I would never recover, so every night I beg the universe that nothing any worse than what already exists happens, because I don’t think I could survive it. I’ve come to accept this ever-lasting emptiness because I’m afraid to admit I’m not perfect and am broken – and instead only dream dreams of far away happiness somehow returning to my life. I’m petrified I’m going to live like this forever, and hate myself more and more every day for being too scared to ask for help.

3. I daily think about how much happier I would be if I left everyone and started over somewhere new. Alone.

4. I had to leave twitter during the Super Bowl because of all the negativity towards Madonna. If you don’t like her, switch the channel! Jesus.

5. I don’t have a secret, I just want to be heard. I guess that is my secret?

6.  Being a conservative girl in a liberal blogging world is not fun at all. We may not agree on politics but I’m tired of reading tweets that imply I’m less smart for being a conservative.

7. I pretend to enjoy Downton Abbey because my boyfriend likes it. In truth, I’d rather be watching Big Bang.

8. I recently discovered I have a “frenemy” on the internet. And that she and her friends have meet ups where the talk about me. I’m 26 years old and suddenly I feel like I’m in high school again. To make matters worse, we share a lot of mutual friends (including the one who was at the most recent gathering and heard what the girls said). I’m not sure if I want to confront her or let it go. Either way, it makes me sad.

9. I’m pregnant for the first time!! (And I haven’t told anyone yet- even my husband but I’m too excited to not tell anyone! And I figure if you don’t include my name, it almost doesn’t count as sharing, right?!)

10. I’ve felt invisible lately. At work, at home, online… I’m not a very outgoing person but I do like to feel heard and lately I’m not sure why, I just feel like I’ve been lost in the shuffle of everyone. I know it’s up to me to make changes, I know that I have to put myself out there more, but I guess I just wanted to be a reminder to people that it’s not always the loudest voice that needs the reply. Sometimes it’s the quietest.

10 comments to “Lately, I feel too nice for the internet.”

  • I used to think number 3 would make me happy too. Then I did it and am entirely miserable. While it sounds like a romantic, day dreamy idea, the truth is its really hard.

  • 4. I feel like that a lot when people insult something or someone I like. Yes, I know I should respect differences of opinions, but sometimes it’s hard. :)

    8. Wow…it really pisses me off when adults act like twelve-year-olds. It sounds like your frenemy isn’t someone who deserves any kind of friendship from you.

    9. CONGRATULATIONS! Best wishes to you and your husband!

    The headline illustrates something I feel quite a bit.

  • NTE

    Oh # 10, you dear whisperer: I hear you. I’ll whisper back.

  • #6. I hear you!

    #8. That is crazy ridiculous and you need to drop that girl like a bad habit and never look back.

    9. Congratulations!!!!

  • Congrats on your pregnancy! I’m so excited for you!

    As for the rest of everything else, sending you hugs from a random internet person. :o) Sounds like you have a lot going on in your mind right now and I hope soon you are able to sort it out and find peace.

  • These are great secrets!
    #2: I’ve been in your shoes. As much as you may not want to hear it, finding someone unbiased is the best medicine. Share your hurt, your hopes, your disappointments and do something kind for yourself everyday no matter how small…fancy Starbucks coffee. Limit your time with the people that suck the energy out of you. It helps.

    #3 I’ve wanted to do this for years but have found that rediscovering my city, putting myself out there and making new friends immensely therapeutic.

    #8 Eff him or her and be the fantastic you that you are. Adults that act like children deserve to be treated as such. People will see it in the end and wonder why they wasted so much time on such a petty person.

    #9 Congrats!

    #10 Step out of your box a little and you will amaze all of them! Just a little bit goes a long way and boy, will you stun them. Trust me! I’m a reformed shy girl who no one believes was quiet and shy. =)

  • 1: I don’t get the NB hate, either. Sometimes people just hate stuff to hate it.

    2: Tell a trusted friend who you know will encourage you to seek professional help. It’s hard because there is a stigma involved, but it’ll be so, so worth it.

    6: Talk about your opinions. Show that liberal blogging world you have smart, educated, well-informed beliefs as well! Minds won’t change, but maybe there will be more respect for your views.

    8: I wouldn’t confront. I’d just neatly cut that person out of my life and move on. Haters gonna hate.

    9: CONGRATS! (How did you hide that from your husband? ha.)

  • #6: If I’ve ever made a comment that makes you feel that way, I sincerely apologize. I recognize I’m very vocal about my own politics, but that does not mean I don’t respect conservative opinions. (This is the point where I feel the need to say things like, I love Meghan McCain! One of my best friends is super conservative! My dad is a Republican! My grandma babysat Dan Quayle!) However, there are some far-right politics that I simply don’t understand because they go against what I believe should be common sense. That said, please stand up for what YOU believe in. I promise to treat your opinions with respect. And I challenge everyone else to do the same.

  • On #7, too right, well scripted comedy out trumps over sold pretension any day!

  • No. 3, been constantly crossing my mind.

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