1. I like Nickelback. I’ve never gotten why everyone thinks they’re THAT bad.
2. Having something to actually be sad about would make admitting that I’m this sad and broken easier and I might actually try to seek help. But I fear that having something that sad and horrible happen would crush me into a thousand pieces and I would never recover, so every night I beg the universe that nothing any worse than what already exists happens, because I don’t think I could survive it. I’ve come to accept this ever-lasting emptiness because I’m afraid to admit I’m not perfect and am broken – and instead only dream dreams of far away happiness somehow returning to my life. I’m petrified I’m going to live like this forever, and hate myself more and more every day for being too scared to ask for help.
3. I daily think about how much happier I would be if I left everyone and started over somewhere new. Alone.
4. I had to leave twitter during the Super Bowl because of all the negativity towards Madonna. If you don’t like her, switch the channel! Jesus.
5. I don’t have a secret, I just want to be heard. I guess that is my secret?
6. Being a conservative girl in a liberal blogging world is not fun at all. We may not agree on politics but I’m tired of reading tweets that imply I’m less smart for being a conservative.
7. I pretend to enjoy Downton Abbey because my boyfriend likes it. In truth, I’d rather be watching Big Bang.
8. I recently discovered I have a “frenemy” on the internet. And that she and her friends have meet ups where the talk about me. I’m 26 years old and suddenly I feel like I’m in high school again. To make matters worse, we share a lot of mutual friends (including the one who was at the most recent gathering and heard what the girls said). I’m not sure if I want to confront her or let it go. Either way, it makes me sad.
9. I’m pregnant for the first time!! (And I haven’t told anyone yet- even my husband but I’m too excited to not tell anyone! And I figure if you don’t include my name, it almost doesn’t count as sharing, right?!)
10. I’ve felt invisible lately. At work, at home, online… I’m not a very outgoing person but I do like to feel heard and lately I’m not sure why, I just feel like I’ve been lost in the shuffle of everyone. I know it’s up to me to make changes, I know that I have to put myself out there more, but I guess I just wanted to be a reminder to people that it’s not always the loudest voice that needs the reply. Sometimes it’s the quietest.