The other day I was driving home thinking “Why is twitter such an ass? I can’t possibly share all my thoughts in 140 characters. I mean, I can share a lot of them (which doesn’t really say a lot about how complex my thoughts are if most fit easily in one sentence) but sometimes, just sometimes I wish there was a way for me to share my thoughts that are LONGER than 140 characters. I get tired of using abbreviations and I’d rather lay on a dull, rusty sword than substitute the word ‘u’ for ‘you’. I fear sometimes my wit is lost in my attempt to live in a world where the horrifying 140 character limit is still the law. The teacher in me will not allow text type to become an integral part of my daily communication. BUT WHAT CAN I DO INSTEAD? Do I have another outlet? I suppose I could call people, but only weirdos talk on the phone anymore. I mean, it’s the 21st century. Phones are so archaic. Unless of course, you are talking to an elderly grandparent or you are using your phone to buy a sweater of a fox on it and then a phone is fucking brilliant and makes me feel like a super spy in a movie that will be critically panned but will become a box office hit. Because let’s face it, spy movies are always awesome. There’s drinking, gadgets and dudes in suits who run faster than a Republican to an anti-Obama event. I suppose I could demand in person visits with friends, but I’m not a monster and people like some notice. I could give them some notice but that would involve calling. I could text but I get sidetracked by emoticons and spend 45 minutes looking for the perfect image to capture how happy I am that Homeland is back on television. Can we just give Carrie a damn medal already? And speaking of her- did she get paid for the stint she just did? I wonder how much former CIA officers get paid to go back into the field for one job. What was I thinking about? Oh yeah! Journaling? A possible outlet but my ego needs feedback. I could send a handwritten letter but what if it got intercepted? The last thing I need is a nosy mailman reading my deepest thoughts regarding nachos and Rachel Maddow. That would be embarrassing for everyone involved. Wait. I have a blog. That’s perfect!”
Seriously. That’s how it all went down.
In related news, hi. I’ve missed you.