Lately I’ve become one of those people who routinely is up at 4:30am laying in bed attempting to use a soothing voice to tell myself to go the fuck to sleep. And when that doesn’t put me into a deep slumber, I make lists in my head- things I should do, things I want to do, things I wish I would have done, supplies I need to buy at Wal-mart for the projects I started thinking about at 2am.
(Sidenote: I’ve never been a regular Wal-Mart shopper, but it opens earlier than anywhere else (8 am) so I have found …READ MORE
August 13th, 2011 in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, i love fragment sentences, I need this on a t-shirt, i wrote this just for the picture, it seemed like a good idea at the time..., karma is going to get you, lists, picture therapy, proof i attract crazy, top 10, what i found when i went looking, when i say it anyway A few months ago, I wrote a post called “How To Not Be A Shitty Person“. People enjoyed it. In fact, I got a lot of thank you emails from people who decided to passively aggressively pass it on to the shitty people in their life. Basically, it was a situation where everyone ended up winning. Because winning feels good, I decided to do a follow up.
How To Not Be Bat Shit Crazy (or “b.s.c.”) Alternatively Titled: How To Be Someone People Don’t Dodge In The Hallway At Work
1. Vampires aren’t real so stop asking your husband to bite …READ MORE
July 6th, 2011 in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, H.A.D gets his own tag- that's love, i like cupcakes more than gluten, it's almost like a meme, karma is going to get you, life lesson, lists, love harder, proof i attract crazy, something I won't forget, thank you Eleni, the Ex files, wedding season is kicking my ass I’m fairly certain someone (me) once said “When life gives you WTF moments, figure out how to turn them into FTW celebrations.” Which is only mildly less annoying than the phrase involving lemons and lemonade. Or the one your aunt always repeats involving lemons and tequila which she repeats so often you’d think she thought of it rather than reading it on a forward that she’s sent you roughly 34,595 times.
But phrases like that are around for reason (and not just to be complied into lists that your relatives forward you from now until eternity), they make sense. And when I …READ MORE
June 19th, 2011 in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, Annie Lebowitz is so jealous, because I can't do report cards 24/7, brookem is awesome!, earning my dork badge, i wrote this just for the picture, if you're shallow and you know it clap your hands!, it's a long one (twss), lists, mindful happiness, people i like, pretty hair makes me happier, self improvement, teaching, top 10 Yes to big ideas. Not to marriage proposals. So just… get that thought of the way. (If you listen quietly, you can hear my mom weeping).
A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about saying Yes. I wrote about branching out and creating a list of 10 liberating and slightly irresponsible choices and using the month of June to jump into the deep scary end of the ocean of living. Here is the list and what I’ve done so far…
1. Instead of skipping out on the bill (which was suggested in the original list- which? Is too …READ MORE
1. You speak in code.
2. Your twitter account links to your blog, which links to your tumblr account which links to your flickr account.
3. You are surprised when someone asks how you are doing. Don’t they read your blog?
4. You’ve ever wrote a post titled “Things Every Blogger Should Know“.
5. You count introducing your boyfriend/girlfriend to your blog as a significant relationship milestone.
6. You know the difference between a tag and a category.
7. You’ve spent way too long thinking of the perfect word. And have lost sleep when you didn’t find it.
8. You are addicted …READ MORE
March 27th, 2011 in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, 20something, happiness, hello universe? I love you, I like annoying people by talking about how much i like comic sans, i love fragment sentences, i should be a cheerleader, i should be a P.S.A., I'm yoda. Everyone else is a grasshopper, introspection sometimes causes me to drink, it makes sense to me, it's almost like a meme, italics make it appear more thoughtful/interesting, life lesson, love harder, right on my sleeve, the world according to me, when I go all Dr. Phil on you, you're skimming this one The best part about telling the internet everything about your life is that when you decide to pull a Yoda and drop down some knowledge bombs people can’t be all like ‘what the hell? what does this girl know?” because well, we know that some stuff has gone down.
Not that tragic events or celebratory moments automatically give someone a free stamp in the passport of Life- but I do find that when life kicks you squarely in the ladyparts or the universe gives you an unexpected high-five, a person tends to do a bit more reflection. Sure, it usually …READ MORE
He meant “dishwasher”. We clarified when he brought it up to my desk for me to check.
See, the thing is, teaching 3 grade is the best. The kids are independent, they get your jokes (well most of them unless you try to tell something that doesn’t involve the words “knock knock”), yet they still want hugs and draw you pictures of flowers and a sun wearing sunglasses and tell you that you are the prettiest person in the world. (It would be wrong to argue with them).
So every so often we skip learning cursive (because daily cursive practice …READ MORE
August 11th, 2010 in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, adventure, Doing my part to help the economy, find the dorkiest sentence in this, happiness, harry potter, hello universe? I love you, i wrote this just for the picture, it's a long one (twss), it's okay- you can skim this one, let's not talk about how long this took, let's still be friends?, overwhelmed doesn't even begin... Let me start with this: when I heard that there was going to be a HARRY POTTER WORLD opening up in Florida, the only question in my head was when I would be going, not if it was reasonable for a 28 year old to round up her friends and trek to the tip of another country to partake in a magical world, based on books for pre-teens.
In short, I’m a fan.
But not like, a crazy one. I don’t have Harry’s name tattooed on my body.
Yet.
So. There was a lot of people. It was like… visiting …READ MORE
June 6th, 2010 in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, a possible regret, because "guilt" is a dirty word, confession of the day, don't judge me based on my love for bad music, I want to make Jim Halpert a mix tape, it seemed like a good idea at the time..., let's still be friends?, lists, music, right on my sleeve, soapbox, the Ex files, the one that nobody reads because of the title, when i say it anyway I know exactly when it happened.
My first year of university, I started dating this guy. A music guy. Who actually got watery eyed when he searched through my CD collection and found Now 4. And not only did he find that particular CD extremely and personally offensive, he found dozens more like it. In fact, he didn’t find a single CD to approve of in the mix of boy bands and mainstream pop.
Instead of defending my choices, I meekly listened as he raved about all the new, hip and obscure bands I had never heard of- that were …READ MORE
May 9th, 2010 in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, advice, Annie Lebowitz is so jealous, family, i wrote this just for the picture, it makes sense to me, let's still be friends?, life lesson, lists, relationships, self improvement, the J.O.B., tip of the day, top 10, when I go all Dr. Phil on you, when i say it anyway, who needs a self help book?, who's the boss now? Originally done here
1. Life is too short to wait for other people to buy you flowers. Buy your own. (And stop fucking hating on *carnations.) (photo by me)
2. If a student tells you he just ‘had a wet fart’ but after is walking around like a bow legged cowboy, send him down to the bathroom immediately.
3. Don’t trust people who don’t love “Party in the USA”.
4. If the kissing ain’t right, keep the legs tight.
5. Sometimes, the only thing that will be able to cure your sadness is McDonalds french fries. And on those days, …READ MORE
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quote of the moment "Once you start googling 'unlikely animal friendships', life gets better."
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