Macy. Kim. Me.

So first of all, if you break out into hives when someone whispers the word “Kardashian”, this post is not for you. But here, look at my cute puppy before you go:

You want to see how adorable Macy is in her harness she wears because her walking speed is Mach 5? Okay! One more:

Now that you feel that you’ve swallowed a rainbow of happiness, you may leave.

Kardashian time.

Let’s just get it out in the open- I like Kim Kardashian. I think she’s a smart business woman and is ridiculously talented at knowing how to …READ MORE

This is what happens when you say YES.

Yes to big ideas. Not to marriage proposals. So just… get that thought of the way. (If you listen quietly, you can hear my mom weeping).

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about saying Yes. I wrote about branching out and creating a list of 10 liberating and slightly irresponsible choices and using the month of June to jump into the deep scary end of the ocean of living. Here is the list and what I’ve done so far…

1. Instead of skipping out on the bill (which was suggested in the original list- which? Is too …READ MORE

Rules To Live By Part II

Originally done here

1. Life is too short to wait for other people to buy you flowers. Buy your own. (And stop fucking hating on *carnations.) (photo by me)

2. If a student tells you he just ‘had a wet fart’ but after is walking around like a bow legged cowboy, send him down to the bathroom immediately.

3. Don’t trust people who don’t love “Party in the USA”.

4. If the kissing ain’t right, keep the legs tight.

5. Sometimes, the only thing that will be able to cure your sadness is McDonalds french fries. And on those days, …READ MORE

A Happy Revolution

(picture taken by me of this awesome calendar)

Yeah. I TOTALLY know what you are thinking. Ohhhh, now that she’s got a new job and NOW she believes in miracles, what a whore.

Okay, maybe not the ‘whore’ bit.

I’ve been thinking lately about how I need to work on recognizing happiness. I’m always good at knowing when I WAS happy, but I often forget to appreciate the moment I AM happy. It’s one of those things- you don’t realize how good it is until it’s over (there’s a country song in there somewhere). I tend to be …READ MORE

Rules To Live By

(picture by me)

1. Flowers will never fix everything, but they sure as hell can’t hurt. (Unless they are my favourite flower- peonies and then let’s face it, they can fix everything).

2. When you are wrong, admit it. When you are sorry, say it. When you are in love, declare it.

3. Sometimes it just won’t go your way. And in those moments, it’s perfectly acceptable to stay in your pajamas, eat a lot of string cheese and watch Regis and Kelly (and secretly hate Kelly for being utterly perfect so early in the morning. Her arms! …READ MORE

Oh look internet! See me eat an ice cream cone!

So last week I went on a little ‘vacation‘. I use that word loosely because to me, vacations conjure up images of slushy drinks, tropical locales and steamy, late night samba sessions with dark haired men. I went with my mom to visit my grandfather. See? The word ‘vacation’ seems wrong. Especially when I compare it to past summer vacations. With all of that said however, it was still a ridiculously fun time and minus getting carsick on the way home (because I’m apparently 8 years old) and an unfortunate half a mile walk in the mud without shoes- it …READ MORE

Accio popcorn

Want to know what I’m doing at midnight tonight? Here’s a clue: Yes. I own a wand. And a robe. And now internet, you know all my secrets. (I feel like I have to confess: working at a childrens theatre for many years gave me access to a lot of cool props. I didn’t buy the robe for myself. The wand, well that’s a different story.)

(Also? I’m FULLY AWARE of how many wand jokes you are all making right now.)

Please tell me I’m not the only person over the age of 10 who is excited …READ MORE

Four

So Saturday was the big day. I cannot even find words to describe everything that went on. There was tears and laughter and hula hoops. There was people who came out of nowhere dressed up as knights, photo booth pictures and a dance off to Britney Spears. There was long talks, fast drinking races and a dance to “Shout” that would make Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson proud. It was exactly what I hoped it would be and so, so, so much more.

Like I said there was a photo booth at the wedding and if anyone wants to have …READ MORE

I’m just going to call this one “The one where I post a picture of my crotch”

I’m one of those people who takes photos of meaningless stuff all the time. And then I go and look at my photos and wonder, “why the hell do I have 8 photos of my Captain Crunch cereal box on my camera?”. I blame it on my continuous need to take the perfect photo (and my brain assumes the perfect photo will be of a cereal box- to be fair, a large quantity of beer was inside me during that photo shoot). The downside of this ongoing quest to channel my inner Annie Lebowitz, is that I end up with …READ MORE

“I cried when Bea Arthur died”

It’s Monday, so you know the drill. Read past Monday (or Sunday!) posts in January, February, March and April to get caught up. Also remember to keep the secrets coming and let other people know about the project. Submissions have slowed a bit so I may start posting monthly instead of weekly.

1.I got an abortion last week. The guy hurt me badly, so I texted him to tell him I was pregnant and getting an abortion because I was more concerned about my own feelings than his, and he responded by saying, “Well it’s done now, cheers.” The …READ MORE