I just wanted a Pippa Middleton moment.
I’ve never had a note worthy ass. There is not a lot of junk in my trunk and I’ve been in awe of a great booty since Destiny’s Child first started singing about them. Magazines told me that with a personal trainer and a solid two hour (DAILY) work out, I could proudly have a rear to rival my favourite Kardashian. But I like free time and I don’t have a personal trainer and let’s get real- I’m a bit lazy. So I had gently told myself that living bootylicious-less in the world …READ MORE
Last year I went to BiSC (check the previous post if you don’t know what this. And no, this isn’t going to be another plea for me to get my ticket paid for. ALTHOUGH I’D REALLY LIKE IT IF I WON THAT CONTEST) and I admit- I did something for that trip I never thought I’d do.
And up until this second, I have never told anyone.
When I went to Vegas, I went with hair extensions.
And right now you are all- eye rolling and saying “girl, please. I thought you were going to give up something juicy like …READ MORE
So let’s get to the most important part of this post first.
Am I the only one in love with Jeff and Jordan?
Okay, that took me over an hour to get that picture up there. Because I got sucked into spoiler websites and NOW I KNOW WHO WINS POV THIS WEEK. NOOOOOOOOOO. It’s like unwrapping your Christmas presents before Christmas. You WANT to know, but you don’t really want to know. Sigh. I need someone to take the internet away from me.
But back to my favourite people on television. These two are …READ MORE
By the time I was a teenager, I was fully immersed in a world of Clinque lipgloss and Tribe perfume. Thankfully, my mom realized I was hooked and took me to rehab an Estee Lauder expert who explained that lipliner should not be black and blush? Should not be seen as a fuchsia tiger stripe running across my face.
The downside to this addiction is that I’m pretty much solely responsible for Sephora existing. I’ve at least paid for the owner’s yacht a few times over with my addiction to “mascara research”. So I’ve …READ MORE
1. When I go to Starbucks, I become irrationally worried that I’m going to forget my order. I will spend the entire time stuck in the drive thru saying my order on repeat. But attempting to say it casually as well, so I don’t come off as a *robot. (Because yes, that’s a serious concern I have- people mistaking me for a robot). “Venti, non-fat, no whip, white hot chocolate, Venti, non-fat, no whip, white hot chocolate. Why yes, it IS cold out today. Oh you like my hair? Thank you! What would I like? Oh that’s easy, Venti, non-fat, …READ MORE
I know. I knoooooooooow. We are only 12 days into the new year and already I’m going to bust my enlightened self all on your ass. But you know, I’ve had entire years where the total learning experiences has culminated in learning: 1. The darker the liquor the more likely you are going to want to stab yourself the next morning 2. When your stack of jeans is almost taller of you, it’s time to stop buying 3. Using your student loan to buy jeans will result in you wanting to stab yourself for 5 years after you graduate.
All …READ MORE
Obama equals change. 40 is the new 30. Iphones make you cool, not recycling equals polar bear murder, drinking beer will always mean you get the hot blonde in minimal clothing. We are bombarded with the idea that so much of what we see and taste and believe in, is equal to something else. Will result in something else. That our world consists of people, events, products that can be easily interchanged with other people, events and products. I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and realized that though this can often be true, it is just as often …READ MORE
1. If I ever audition for American Idol, I will focus on SONG CHOICE. And you know, not sucking as a singer. And for the record? I despise bikini girl. NOT because she wore a bikini to the first audition, but because she talks like a baby. If Randy wore a bikini, I would not hate him. If he talked like a baby? Yes, there would be hate. Baby talk is grounds for friendship termination. Baby talk. It’s no good. Lesson learned.
2. There are situations where it’s impossible to say the right thing. Where every possible word will be …READ MORE
Five Things I refuse to apologize for
1. My wit. And my modesty. And any lame attempt at a joke that has failed like me in a high school calculus class.
2. Wearing Uggs. I get it. People think they are unattractive. But seriously, who can show me a winter boot that IS fashionable? And one that I can put on in roughly 0.24 seconds? (Which? Is pretty high on the list of requirements for my winter footwear when I have to run outside and laugh hysterically at deal with children who have decided to lick metal playground equipment). …READ MORE
You remember Mallard don’t you? If you don’t want to read the Mallard chronicles (and I don’t blame you if you don’t, that title ‘Mallard chronicles’ doesn’t scream “MUST READ”), basically Mallard was this stranger who was working at the same school as me (who was wearing a mallard on her shirt, hence the nickname) who randomly came up to me and told me she didn’t like my hair. AT ALL. (The “at all” was actually something she said). She looked at me like I had just showered in the liquid found at the bottom of a dumpster. And then …READ MORE