Keeping It Real

1. I don’t drink smoothies. I mean, I WANT to drink them. Every person I know raves about them on the daily. But let’s face it. I’m lazy as hell. And smoothies involve peeling and chopping and slicing and giving a fuck. Smoothies are like, french braids or completed crosswords done in pen. You want to show off that you’ve completed it but there’s a level of effort involved that no one wants to talk about. I slice a lemon into my naglene and think I’m channeling Eric Ripert.

2. I skipped the Grammy Awards because I don’t need another …READ MORE

Throw away your damn bucket list

I want you to think of the bucket list that you have. Whether it’s triumphantly displayed on your blog, written shyly in your journal or catalogued in the recesses of your brain right after the recipe for spinach dip your mother gave you, I want you to rename that list “Things I Wish To Do Sometime Before I Die”.

Not very powerful is it?

When death is your finish line, you’re running the wrong race.

Considering that you are a perishable item with an expiry date, we could go further and rename your bucket list “Things I Wish To Do …READ MORE

That time I bought a fake ass from Bethenny Frankel

I just wanted a Pippa Middleton moment.

I’ve never had a note worthy ass. There is not a lot of junk in my trunk and I’ve been in awe of a great booty since Destiny’s Child first started singing about them. Magazines told me that with a personal trainer and a solid two hour (DAILY) work out, I could proudly have a rear to rival my favourite Kardashian. But I like free time and I don’t have a personal trainer and let’s get real- I’m a bit lazy. So I had gently told myself that living bootylicious-less in the world …READ MORE

On Being Yourself And Other Bullshit That Seriously Makes Sense

Last year I went to BiSC (check the previous post if you don’t know what this. And no, this isn’t going to be another plea for me to get my ticket paid for. ALTHOUGH I’D REALLY LIKE IT IF I WON THAT CONTEST) and I admit- I did something for that trip I never thought I’d do.

And up until this second, I have never told anyone.

When I went to Vegas, I went with hair extensions.

And right now you are all- eye rolling and saying “girl, please. I thought you were going to give up something juicy like …READ MORE

A question about relationships (aka: I’m pulling a *Jay-Z aka: hello blog!)

A few weeks ago, I was spending my free time putting together a list of reading strategies for a bulletin board to help kids comprehend what they are reading. (And yes, this is what teachers do in their free time. So before you start going all “JULY AND AUGUST HOLIDAYS” on me, I’m just going to stop you right here and tell you to suck it.) One of the strategies that most experts agree on, is that a student needs to be able to recognize relationships in writing and understand what these relationships mean. As seen here. Please note how …READ MORE

SO THEN I WENT TO HARRY POTTER WORLD

Let me start with this: when I heard that there was going to be a HARRY POTTER WORLD opening up in Florida, the only question in my head was when I would be going, not if it was reasonable for a 28 year old to round up her friends and trek to the tip of another country to partake in a magical world, based on books for pre-teens.

In short, I’m a fan.

But not like, a crazy one. I don’t have Harry’s name tattooed on my body.

Yet.

So. There was a lot of people. It was like… visiting …READ MORE

In defense of my ipod

I know exactly when it happened.

My first year of university, I started dating this guy. A music guy. Who actually got watery eyed when he searched through my CD collection and found Now 4. And not only did he find that particular CD extremely and personally offensive, he found dozens more like it. In fact, he didn’t find a single CD to approve of in the mix of boy bands and mainstream pop.

Instead of defending my choices, I meekly listened as he raved about all the new, hip and obscure bands I had never heard of- that were …READ MORE

Rules To Live By Part II

Originally done here

1. Life is too short to wait for other people to buy you flowers. Buy your own. (And stop fucking hating on *carnations.) (photo by me)

2. If a student tells you he just ‘had a wet fart’ but after is walking around like a bow legged cowboy, send him down to the bathroom immediately.

3. Don’t trust people who don’t love “Party in the USA”.

4. If the kissing ain’t right, keep the legs tight.

5. Sometimes, the only thing that will be able to cure your sadness is McDonalds french fries. And on those days, …READ MORE

fevah Part II

Oh, hi. I’m dying.

Okay maybe not but *whatever the hell I’m battling, it’s currently kicking my ass. Like, if me and this sickness were in a boxing ring, I’d be pinned to the mat yelling “SWEET MOTHER OF GOD, I GIVE UP, YOU WIN- TAKE EVERY SEASON OF THE WEST WING! TAKE MY VINTAGE WRANGLERS FROM THE 70′S THAT DO WONDERS FOR MY BUM! TAKE AWAY SWEET POTATO FRIES FROM THE EARTH! “, the second the starting bell was heard.

I was feeling tremendously sorry for myself while watching ** Lecture 3 in Game Theory (sexily titled “Iterative Deletion …READ MORE

And then I gave a ten year old some lingerie

This weekend I reclaimed my closet. At first I was just going to tackle spring/summer clothes and store them for the winter in my summer house garbage bags shoved into closets, but then a second of inspiration coupled with a fleeting moment of ambition led to me clearing off all my shelves, unfolding every article, removing each shirt, dress, regrettable sequined ensemble from it’s hanger and tossing it on my bed to be sorted and then placed in an appropriate bag to be either stored or given away.

I had had nearly finished when I stumbled upon a stack of …READ MORE