Throw away your damn bucket list

I want you to think of the bucket list that you have. Whether it’s triumphantly displayed on your blog, written shyly in your journal or catalogued in the recesses of your brain right after the recipe for spinach dip your mother gave you, I want you to rename that list “Things I Wish To Do Sometime Before I Die”.

Not very powerful is it?

When death is your finish line, you’re running the wrong race.

Considering that you are a perishable item with an expiry date, we could go further and rename your bucket list “Things I Wish To Do …READ MORE

The one where I tell you to kindly shut up

When you think you are casually bringing up the idea of “summer vacation” to a teacher, the reality is you are inadvertently being a douche. Because teachers and summer vacation don’t exist in the way you think they do. Non-teachers assume that teachers work from 9-3pm, get paid fairly and spend large parts of their day doing crafts. We wear witch earrings on Halloween, celebrate Christmas with carols and go on field trips to fun locales. We are rewarded for our pursuits with two months of pure rest and relaxation, where we will jet set the world with our easily …READ MORE

Push

Say you are sitting in Starbucks and you see a woman with a stroller who is struggling to open the door.

You have a choice. Either return to your issue of Glamour newspaper while using your stealth peripheral vision to see who goes to help the woman or you go and hold the door open for the woman.

Say you decide to help the woman. Your morals, your belief in how to behave in any situation, requires you to act. She will say thank you, you will reply with “Oh, it’s no problem!” but inside you are secretly full of …READ MORE

Classic Avoidance 101

Congratulations to Miranda and Sarahdotcom for each winning a copy of A Short History of Nearly Everything. Hurrah! Send me your addresses and when the MAIL STRIKE is over, you will get your packages!

Now. Tomorrow is my last official day with my class and let’s just face facts. I’m not mentally ready to let go of my little burritos. Nor am I capable of even writing about them. (Whoa. I just said ‘nor’? Who do I think I am, Charles Dickens?) I’m going to work hard to not cry tomorrow. My ugly cry sounds like a pair of tone …READ MORE

“Okay, look. I know you got a crocodile in spelling but this has gone too far.”

(via)

1. I love the above image and the message it gives. Because seriously, who hasn’t been there? The second the choice is given to someone else, or you know a coin- you gain the clarity you need to realize what you wanted all along. High-five, Universe. And yes, that’s as deep as I’m going to get on Sunday morning.

2. Stomach bug + vacation time = FINALLY WATCHING “ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT”. I KNOW. I KNOW. It’s like, someone just introduced me to what humor is. I just finished the first season and am alternating between thinking I …READ MORE

How To Not Be A Shitty Person

Let’s be clear. I didn’t come up with this list while quoting Gandhi and emptying out the entire contents of my bank account to give to a third world nation. I actually started this list to remind myself how I want to try and live. I easily get caught up in bad habits- and thought tattooing “STOP SWEARING LOUDLY WHILE SHAKING YOUR FIST AT BAD DRIVERS” to my forehead was extreme and a bit too long for my tiny forehead. So I wrote a list to remind myself of how to behave like a normal human being. Some people create …READ MORE

Yoga won’t save you & other deep thoughts from the edge

I’m not sure how it happened.

I could blame “Eat, Pray, Love”. The idea that, when faced with a devastating loss or unyielding heartache of epic proportions, the most courageous thing you can do is to leave. To run. To flee. To explore new lands and discover new people. That anything less than a dramatic exit will not suffice, will not illustrate to those around you just how absolutely crushed you are. That unless I smash plates, book trips to exotic lands, get ill-placed tattoos, take up chain smoking and jeggings- that my sadness does not have a home, isn’t …READ MORE

Rules To Live By

(picture by me)

1. Flowers will never fix everything, but they sure as hell can’t hurt. (Unless they are my favourite flower- peonies and then let’s face it, they can fix everything).

2. When you are wrong, admit it. When you are sorry, say it. When you are in love, declare it.

3. Sometimes it just won’t go your way. And in those moments, it’s perfectly acceptable to stay in your pajamas, eat a lot of string cheese and watch Regis and Kelly (and secretly hate Kelly for being utterly perfect so early in the morning. Her arms! …READ MORE

The Facts of My Life

Fact: I will be unable to tell people I’m going to a Taylor Swift concert this week without squealing like I’m a 14 year old girl. Which is perfect really, because that would make me fit into her actual demographic. (Related fact: This might be the cutest video ever. I’m only glad that I’m watching it at 28 years old instead of 14 years old because it would have just set unrealistic standards of what high school love is like. Not like now… now I watch The Notebook weekly to make sure my expectations are unreasonable.)

Fact: I should be …READ MORE

It doesn’t make sense but the good stuff usually doesn’t

I recently had a rattlesnake of a woman kind and helpful lady tell me that ‘women wear lipstick, girls wear lip gloss‘ WHILE I WAS PUTTING ON LIP GLOSS. Needless to say, her views on FLAVORED lip gloss had her making the face people usually reserve for when they find an old dirty diaper in the backseat of their car. Thankfully, I’m so in love with this: I didn’t care what she said. I almost have an orgasm when I put it on my lips. Well, I’m sure a dude would love it if that happened but I’m just …READ MORE