Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda…

I can’t… Wear maxi dresses (I look like I’m playing dress up). Watch Fox News without yelling. Make jello (it just.. never works). Flirt. Push the snooze button.

I can.. Drive a tractor. Sign my name in sign language faster than I can say it out loud. Teach 19 second graders how to hand write.  Fall asleep in any moving vehicle. Admit to loving public speaking. Check my email far too often for it to be considered healthy. Make 32 pirate costumes in five days. Always tell you which way north is.

I won’t… Buy Cosmo magazine anymore. Kiss and …READ MORE

In that case, I said “hello” to 3 cars on the way to work

The best part of teaching kids is realizing that 99% of their genius goes unrecognized by them. The things they shriek and utter, whisper and shout are the truths their hearts hold but they live at an age where they don’t realize the brilliance of their comments. Genius observations and heartbreaking truths fall from the mouths without a second thought and I run after them scooping them up- writing them down, sharing with parents. Us adults stand together and marvel at their insights while they chase each other, threatening to wipe invisible boogers on each other.

It’s a million mispronunciations, …READ MORE

Confessions & Apologizes from the shirtless

So, I have to mention this because it’s going to bother me if I don’t. And when things bother me and I don’t say anything, I turn about 8 shades of crazy all of which involve binging on popcorn and tequila and writing copious amounts of horrible poetry into my journal (sidenote: Why do I only ever write in my journal when I’m unhappy? I swear, if my grandkids are screwed out of love letters- they should at least get a journal that has SOME happy thoughts rather than hundreds of pages filled with angst and pathetic ‘why me?’ statements …READ MORE

What I’ve decided at 2:46 am

1. I will never be that super cool girl who hears good news regarding an ex-boyfriend and responds by saying things like ‘Awesome!’ or “Good for him!”. I will be that bitter, hostile woman who thinks “him? why him? why doesn’t he just go fall in a manhole and save the world from himself?”. And then I will drink heavily. Or, if it’s a school night, I will wrestle my blankets and mentally re-organize my closet.

2. “Parent Trap” was Lindsay Lohan’s best movie performance. And anyone who disagrees should be prepared to duel. To the death.

3. Sometimes I …READ MORE

I choose…

Ben over Matt avoidance over confrontation Mexican food over Chinese food late nights over early mornings beer over wine Al Gore over everybody too much over too little Pride and Prejudice over Sense and Sensibility Wolf Blitzer over Wolverine house boating over house hunting NBC over CBS spending over saving salty over sweet Italy over Hawaii Josh Lyman over Josh Harnett dogs over cats OBAMA over Hillary mistakes made over missed chances lipgloss over lipstick J.K Rowling over J.R. R Tokien hockey over football half full over half empty Jennifer Garner over Jennifer Lopez sense of humor over sense of …READ MORE

Pirates and Whores

I’m in the process of responding to all your awesome comments (Whoo! Trudeau!), but while I’m doing that I thought it important to share with you all my thoughts on Halloween (because I know that’s what you do, sit around wondering ‘what ARE brandy’s views on Halloween? I wish I knew, perhaps then I could sleep at night’). Please note the sarcasm, I’ve been this annoying all day. Anyway, I was going to write a NEW post, but realized the one I wrote last year is still EXACTLY what I want to say. Still. I do not mess with things …READ MORE

Anyone want to sew me a cape?

A while ago I got an email from a nice lady who politely asked me if it would be possible to blog on a schedule. Actually, that’s not exactly how it was said. It was more like, she raised the point that my blogging has been very… erratic and that she just was wondering if I had “considered a timetable“. I planned to respond immediately, but then, life happened and well… let’s just say it’s been in my inbox since Amber was on Big Brother.

In short, it’s been there a while.

Now. Here’s the thing. I would love, love, …READ MORE

My BIRTHDAY!

There’s a little EVENT coming up next month. It’s called MY BIRTHDAY! Hooray! The lovely aRbit recently emailed me asking about it, and because I expect the rest of you are just dying to know more about my BIRTHDAY!, I thought I would share my wish list. Even in my old age, I still have my wits about me and realize that whoever said ‘it’s not about the gift, it’s the thought that counts’ never probably got a really cool gift. With that said, I present my birthday wish list for 2007. 

                                   2007 Birthday Wish List

- World peace (I’m old and …READ MORE

Cameron

“‘Member her birthday? ‘Member when her had that cake?”, he asked me his daddy long leg lashes briefly resting on his cheeks each time he blinked. He looked at me, waiting for a reply, his curly blond hair falling over his eyes.

“Yes, I do! Do you remember what color the dinosaur on it was?” I answered as I dumped the lost and found bin and forced happiness into my voice.

I was searching for anything to protect him. Mittens, pants, a coat, a hat. I dug deep through leftover summer tank tops emblazoned with bratty sayings, through sunglasses and broken game …READ MORE