A few months ago, I wrote a post called “How To Not Be A Shitty Person“. People enjoyed it. In fact, I got a lot of thank you emails from people who decided to passively aggressively pass it on to the shitty people in their life. Basically, it was a situation where everyone ended up winning. Because winning feels good, I decided to do a follow up.
How To Not Be Bat Shit Crazy (or “b.s.c.”) Alternatively Titled: How To Be Someone People Don’t Dodge In The Hallway At Work
1. Vampires aren’t real so stop asking your husband to bite …READ MORE
I’m fairly certain someone (me) once said “When life gives you WTF moments, figure out how to turn them into FTW celebrations.” Which is only mildly less annoying than the phrase involving lemons and lemonade. Or the one your aunt always repeats involving lemons and tequila which she repeats so often you’d think she thought of it rather than reading it on a forward that she’s sent you roughly 34,595 times.
But phrases like that are around for reason (and not just to be complied into lists that your relatives forward you from now until eternity), they make sense. And when I …READ MORE
Well. Let’s just get this started.
A week ago, a blogger emailed me and shared with me an email she had received about me. Some anonymous person (because of course, these people are always anonymous) decided that the best way they could spend their time on Earth would be to write a novel full of lies about me and share it with the entire internet.
And for the record? It’s all lies.
I’ve tried to articulate to friends how it feels to read something about you that is completely fabricated and realize that you have no control over …READ MORE
It’s a funny thing- to open your mailbox and expect to get a greeting from a friend or a shipping invoice from yet another late night online shopping binge and instead find yourself reading an email from someone, a stranger- who is so clearly disappointed in you and angry with you that it almost takes your breath away. Of course, the first instinct is to assume it’s a joke. CLEARLY no one can be that invested in the life of someone they haven’t bothered to ever talk to or email before to send out such an angry note. And so …READ MORE
1. When I go to Starbucks, I become irrationally worried that I’m going to forget my order. I will spend the entire time stuck in the drive thru saying my order on repeat. But attempting to say it casually as well, so I don’t come off as a *robot. (Because yes, that’s a serious concern I have- people mistaking me for a robot). “Venti, non-fat, no whip, white hot chocolate, Venti, non-fat, no whip, white hot chocolate. Why yes, it IS cold out today. Oh you like my hair? Thank you! What would I like? Oh that’s easy, Venti, non-fat, …READ MORE
I have a healthy ego. I regularly am delighted by my talents (like knowing all the words to this song – just for you Ben), nod in agreement when people tell me I’m great (I assure you, this is a little more adorable and far less annoying than I just made it sound), and marvel at my genius. But people? I’ve got faults. Heaps of them. Truckloads of them. So many that you could stack them up, climb on top of them and touch the moon with your fingertips.
See? I wasn’t kidding.
September has been an amazing month but …READ MORE
Somedays I really hate parent bloggers.
Okay, that’s not true (I just needed a really controversial opening line and anything else my brain thought of involved B-list celebrities and was far too offensive to share), but honestly- I’m often pretty envious of parent bloggers. Having a kid is pretty much like having blogging gold on hand 24/7. Seriously. Every 2.8 seconds kids are saying something ridiculous enough that you could blog it and people would think you were hilarious. This is the same reason I get angry at bloggers who own pets. Or have significant others. Or you know, hobbies.
There’s sort of a big event happening on Tuesday that a lot of people are talking about. I may have even talked about it a few times, might have even casually shared a few views on what I thought. But, I need a day without discussing the topic that shall not be named. Because if I talk about it today, there’s a chance I may turn into someone as crazy as he who shall not be named.
1. I’m getting tired of the lady at Starbucks verbally abusing me. Okay, maybe that’s a stretch- she’s not like, calling me …READ MORE
I talked to someone today who has NEVER HEARD OF HARRY POTTER.
Apparently, it’s just “never been mentioned” around this woman. Seriously. It’s HARRY POTTER. How could have not even have heard of one of the movies, if not one of the books? That’s like saying that you haven’t heard of something called WATER or don’t know when Zac Efron’s birthday is. Everybody knows.
I feel like I’ve been hit with a stupefy spell.
How is it possible to have NEVER HEARD OF HARRY POTTER? * And yes, all those capitals are necessary, it’s really my only way …READ MORE
You know when bloggers write out a list of things they are currently disliking or things that are pissing them off? I love those posts. If I see a blogger has written one, I save it till last in my google reader. I like that they give everyone an opportunity to see a blogger in a different light. I like that they are usually completely unapologetic. I love that they are always so honest.
I’ve never done one before, mostly because my list of what I’m usually hating goes something … 1.Sarah Palin when she’s being smug 2. cream cheese …READ MORE