August 27th, 2008 in AGGRESSIVE eye rolling makes me mad, family, MY BIRTHDAY, oh look! i have opinions., proof i attract crazy, question of the day, seriously, sometimes i get violent, these are the things that happen to me, what the hell, when i ask you to do things for me I was going to let this slide, but I think you all are the perfect people to discuss this with.
Last week my birthday dinner was horrible. I went out for my party on Saturday, but on the Friday- my mom, brother and I went out for dinner. Here is what happened:
Our server rolled her eyes when we asked for menus. Because clearly, I should have the mind powers that let me visualize everything on the menu. Oh, and given her impatience with the few minutes it took us to think about what we want, I apparently should also …READ MORE
August 13th, 2008 in and now you might know everything, anger and I have sat down for tea, confession of the day, don't hate me for this, i am slowly going crazy, i can't believe i said that, it happened this week, it's ironic because I'm Canadian, oh dear, oh look! i have opinions., politics, proof i attract crazy, sometimes i get violent, this makes me sound dumber than i am, today i am not funny, what the hell, when i say it anyway, when it doesn't go my way, who needs a self help book?, you're skimming this one Today I yelled at an elderly saleswoman who looked as though if she could have clubbed me and hidden the body, she would have.
It started out simply enough. I wanted to return a book. Two days ago, my brother bought me “Obama Nation” by Jerome Corsi. I hadn’t really heard anything about it, but did a little research and found that he’s the same author who started the “swiftboat” movement against John Kerry. I also found that the book is filled with half truths and misrepresentations- including the idea that Obama might be doing cocaine as a senator, when …READ MORE
August 11th, 2008 in disappointment, i can't believe i said that, i complain because I care, i might be addicted to tags, it happened this week, proof i attract crazy, seriously, travel, what the hell, when i say it anyway, who needs a self help book?, women I hate to say this, but I’m afraid sometimes my gender is insane.
During my 7 day trip, I did not meet a single friendly female. NONE. I met many nice men, but not a single nice woman. The girls I did meet-all fell into distinct and unfortunate categories.
I met the insecure, mean girls. The girls who spent 5 minutes at the bar with us smiling and then walked away to talk about my friend and I to other people- other insecure, mean girls. They only stopped talking about us when I walked over to them and was greeted …READ MORE
June 12th, 2008 in and now you might know everything, Annie Lebowitz is so jealous, because "guilt" is a dirty word, because I can't do report cards 24/7, confession of the day, find the dorkiest sentence in this, help, i hate it when i blog about blogging, i know too much about magnets, i may write about the west wing forever, if you're shallow and you know it clap your hands!, lists, men, people i like, pirates, proof i attract crazy, the george, the J.O.B., Uncategorized, when i say it anyway So, I have to mention this because it’s going to bother me if I don’t. And when things bother me and I don’t say anything, I turn about 8 shades of crazy all of which involve binging on popcorn and tequila and writing copious amounts of horrible poetry into my journal (sidenote: Why do I only ever write in my journal when I’m unhappy? I swear, if my grandkids are screwed out of love letters- they should at least get a journal that has SOME happy thoughts rather than hundreds of pages filled with angst and pathetic ‘why me?’ statements …READ MORE
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
April 23rd, 2008 in adventure, Annie Lebowitz is so jealous, friends, i like cupcakes more than gluten, i like scotch & table dancing, i'm hot like fire, if you're shallow and you know it clap your hands!, it happened this week, it was a dance dance revolution, it's the environment stupid, let's not talk about how long this took, Me & the Bard, proof i attract crazy, something I won't forget, tequila consequences, Uncategorized, Wednesday nights make me frisky, when it doesn't go my way I’m alive.
There were a few times in the last five days that I thought I was going to die. A few times I wished I would just die, and once or twice where I actively went looking for things that would put me out of my misery but alas- I’m still standing.
Remember last Friday I was driving 10 hours to read Shakespeare at a wedding? Yeah. I did that. Then I danced like I was famous, got pictures taken in front of the elaborate wedding ice sculpture and won $50 in the hotel’s casino at 3am with one …READ MORE
Let’s play a game called “See how many posts this person stole from me”. I stopped counting after the first two pages because I actually started to cry. Because not understanding things usually leads to tears. Or drinking. And my liver and I are currently not talking after Vegas.
Filed under “things I do not understand” people who steal posts about Oprah’s big give. Or being called the c-word. Or birthday wish lists. Seriously. Who steals someone’s birthday wish list?
For example: Here is what I said about my birthday wish list. Here is what she said. Here is what …READ MORE
February 25th, 2008 in advice, blogs, friends, i might be addicted to tags, i should be a cheerleader, I should be sleeping, if you're shallow and you know it clap your hands!, it happened this week, let's not talk about how long this took, lists, Me & the Bard, movies, music, p.s. i love me, politics, pretty hair makes me happier, proof i attract crazy, quote of the day, school, sometimes i get violent, these are the things that happen to me, when i say it anyway, work, you're skimming this one, youth I wanted to be clever and tie all this together through artfully worded segues and mindful wordplay, but alas it is of late hour and my brain is not computing.
I’m talking funny. I can feel it. The reason for this is the following:
Cramming in the ‘speare + little sleep + plus frantic excitement over OBAMA’s current run + spending everyday with an army of children who still need to be reminded that scratching their butts with both hands for an extended period of time while in public is considered rude.
So without further delay, we are doing “What …READ MORE
10 minutes ago I got this email:
“I’ve never left a comment before but I read you all the time. I’m sorry you are feeling so shitty, I hope you feel better soon. I thought I would tell you though, you’ve lost my vote for funniest blog. Your last few blogs haven’t been funny at all!1! Sorry tho, you still should keep writing!!*hugs!*- alexis
And can I tell you something? I laughed out loud. So Alexis… wherever you are? Thank you. That was the best email I got all day.
UPDATE: While I work on responding to all your comments, please check out my guest post over at Brookem’s site. It’s about MUSIC and that one time Brookem did tequila shots with Stevie Nicks.
Sunday night found me at the grocery store. Doing the sort of shopping I didn’t really need to do. The kind of shopping I do only when I am feeling very bored and sorry for myself because it’s Sunday NIGHT!, and my life no longer involves Sunday night keggers or spontaneous parties or Grey’s Anatomy (because I used to watch it when it was on …READ MORE
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quote of the moment "Once you start googling 'unlikely animal friendships', life gets better."
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