Five Things I refuse to apologize for
1. My wit. And my modesty. And any lame attempt at a joke that has failed like me in a high school calculus class.
2. Wearing Uggs. I get it. People think they are unattractive. But seriously, who can show me a winter boot that IS fashionable? And one that I can put on in roughly 0.24 seconds? (Which? Is pretty high on the list of requirements for my winter footwear when I have to run outside and laugh hysterically at deal with children who have decided to lick metal playground equipment). …READ MORE
You know when you’ve gone days without sleep because you and your friend thought it would be hilarious to drink three cases of beer and go dancing instead of sleeping? And you are tired, but not in the “I’m so sleepy” way, but in the way that makes the word ‘ketchup’ suddenly the FUNNIEST thing ever?
That’s how I feel right now except I’ve been sleeping. And you know, not drinking liters of beer. In fact, I’ve been sleeping well, and today even bought the greatest new shoes (these ones in black). So, I thought I should give you …READ MORE
I’m going all cliche blogger on you and doing bullets.
(What a great way to start! I’m sure you all are hanging off the edge of your chair now that you know this post is in bullet form. I think I might even hear cheering from the cheap seats!)
I hate men. No, that’s not true. My lovelies (George, Josh and John- men who my heart calls only by their first name) shouldn’t be lumped in with the scoundrels that repeatedly stomp on my heart. Or at least.. other vital organs that are less cliche. Perhaps my liver? Anyway… men. …READ MORE
I’ve appointed myself an expert on all things summer. Why? Because I feel like appointing myself something and I have a lot of opinions today.
- if I can see your vagina, your shorts are too short. For real.
- Sunscreen- wear it. If I look at you and can’t help but wince in sympathy pains- I can’t imagine how you must be feeling. Even the prettiest summer dress, or most fantastic personality can’t distract someone from a lobster burn. Repeat after me, “baby oil is not my friend”.
- Perhaps skip the long sleeved silk shirt. Silk showcases sweat …READ MORE
My mom and I were talking the other day about that game show that involves the lie detector test. I asked my mom if she would ever go on and she cried out “OH NO!” before I had even finished the question. Of course, I followed that up with ” What? Is the milkman my real father? You have some deep, dark secrets that you don’t want to get out?” Silence. So I followed up, ” Seriously, you have big secrets?” And she responded with the two words no child wants to hear:
So, now I’m curious. But …READ MORE
Hey, it’s okay…
- to not spend more money on shoes than you do on rent. As much as I want to be SJP, I need a roof over my head more than I need new shoes. (And that might have been the most difficult sentence for me to ever type).
- to believe in karma only after you’ve just done something selfless.
- to find that your best Saturday nights involve take-out, movies and pajamas.
- to believe food tastes better when you don’t use a fork.
- to not understand EVERY. SINGLE. COMPLICATED. rule/regulation regarding the Presidential campaign. …READ MORE
On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me: a pretty red kitchen aid mixer.
On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me: two cute shoes and a pretty red kitchen aid mixer.
On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me: three French men two cute shoes and a pretty red kitchen aid mixer.
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me: four lipgloss kits three French men two cute shoes and a pretty red kitchen aid mixer.
On the fifth day of Christmas my …READ MORE
The trilogy I’ve titled ‘everything you didn’t realize you needed to know about me’ ends with this one. The first part is here and the second part is here. The original came from Brookem and is found here.
I Never… push snooze, order a plain Coke (I’ve never had one without some sort of alcohol mixed in it…), watch CNN without getting overly panicked, pass up a shoe sale, do not know where north is (it’s this weird thing, I ALWAYS know where north is. It’s like my body is a finely tuned compass. Wow. That’s like a title for …READ MORE