February 5th, 2013 in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, 30something, 98% of me thinks this is funny, adventure, and then i cried, and then i laughed out loud, i should be a P.S.A., introspection sometimes causes me to drink, it's a long one (twss), it's not you it's me, men, no i haven't gotten laid, single girl stories, something I won't forget, these are the things that happen to me, this one might be my favourite, what the hell I went through a phase in my early teens when I was obsessed with jury selection (I mean, who DIDN’T have that phase?) and read every book possible on the topic. This was after the OJ Simpson case and I was convinced that the right jury would have REALIZED WHAT EVERYONE ELSE ALREADY KNEW. I became an expert on how to spot liars, identify psychopaths and establish who wants to wants to chop off your head and use it as a soup bowl so I was convinced I would be up for online dating.
I mean, isn’t that what it …READ MORE
Lately I’ve become one of those people who routinely is up at 4:30am laying in bed attempting to use a soothing voice to tell myself to go the fuck to sleep. And when that doesn’t put me into a deep slumber, I make lists in my head- things I should do, things I want to do, things I wish I would have done, supplies I need to buy at Wal-mart for the projects I started thinking about at 2am.
(Sidenote: I’ve never been a regular Wal-Mart shopper, but it opens earlier than anywhere else (8 am) so I have found …READ MORE
December 16th, 2009 in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, and now you might know everything, confession of the day, i know- we all LOVE him, i wrote this just for the picture, i'm like barbra walters, i'm the sum of my failures and my achivements, I'm yoda. Everyone else is a grasshopper, it makes sense to me, life lesson, lists, love or something like it, question of the day, reinforcing stereotypes since 1981, secrets, self improvement, the J.O.B., the secret project, the title says it all, these are the things that happen to me, this makes me sound dumber than i am, top 10, vague is vogue, what the hell, when I go all Dr. Phil on you, who needs a self help book?, you're skimming this one 10 Top Lessons I Learned In 2009 (this list is seriously incomplete but a top “23.5 Lessons I learned in 2009″ just doesn’t have the same ring to it. And if there’s one thing I’m about, it’s the ring).
1. Crying in public, sending out 80,000 resumes and begging will not get you a job. Neither will good intentions, great connections and a resume so sparkling it would make Obama’s look shoddy in comparison. A good job will find you when you least expect it. And everyone who says “the perfect job will find you when you are ready”, …READ MORE
*So, I’m pretty much in love with my life right now. The one drawback to being this happy (other than the fact that it’s freaking annoying to hear about), is that it’s left little room for blogging lately. There’s been so much going on, I thought a fun way to re-cap a few of the high (and low) lights would be to do a True & False Day, rather than me use 89 paragraphs and enough run on sentences to make the grammar police weep.
I have listed 5 sentences below. 4 of them are true, 1 is false. The …READ MORE
October 26th, 2009 in 98% of me thinks this is funny, confession of the day, Doing my part to help the economy, i should be a P.S.A., I sound drunk but I assure you I am not, I'm a lady. I'm a tramp., I'm scared to see the search engine results to this, it seemed like a good idea at the time..., let's still be friends?, something I won't forget, the title says it all, these are the things that happen to me, when i say it anyway This weekend I reclaimed my closet. At first I was just going to tackle spring/summer clothes and store them for the winter in my summer house garbage bags shoved into closets, but then a second of inspiration coupled with a fleeting moment of ambition led to me clearing off all my shelves, unfolding every article, removing each shirt, dress, regrettable sequined ensemble from it’s hanger and tossing it on my bed to be sorted and then placed in an appropriate bag to be either stored or given away.
I had had nearly finished when I stumbled upon a stack of …READ MORE
September 20th, 2009 in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, and now you might know everything, bio hazard suits will never be in fashion, i'm the sum of my failures and my achivements, life lesson, oh dear, self improvement, seriously, something I won't forget, swimming in a sea of self pity, the title says it all, these are the things that happen to me, when i say it anyway, when it doesn't go my way, work I was 19 and working for a water treatment center one summer to earn extra money. I was hired by a friend of my parents and told that the work would be extremely easy. My job description fell under the vague category of “safety coordinator”. I was told to show up at the water treatment center at 6 am and to bring a lunch. I was hesitant about going, the only safety measures I knew were medical procedures I learned watching E.R- and I doubted anyone would need me to (or even let me) perform a tracheotomy with a bic …READ MORE
September 7th, 2009 in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, and now you might know everything, are you there God? It's me- ripping off Judy Blume, confession of the day, earning my dork badge, i complain because I care, it happened this week, it's not you it's me, italics make it appear more thoughtful/interesting, lists, overwhelmed doesn't even begin..., school, the J.O.B., the one that nobody reads because of the title, these are the things that happen to me, you're skimming this one I was going to start this post as though I was dead and writing to you from the great beyond. But it was high on the creep factor and low on the funny (much like a guy I made many bad choices with). But I felt like I need to make some reference to death since I’ve started getting emails with- “ARE YOU DEAD?”. Which has caused to reflect on the fact that hey, I’m not dead. So I should write something to show that I AM alive, even if I’ve spent every waking moment of the last two weeks …READ MORE
I need your help.
So, as some of you may know, I have a pretty weak stomach. I’m grossed out rather easily and this tends to delight some people in my life. In a moment of insanity I agreed to play a game affectionately called GROSS OUT tonight, with a boy who loves nothing more than to ask ‘would you rather’ questions that involve human sweat, period blood and mucous plugs (LiLu, that last one was inspired by you).
Take a minute and collect yourself.
Because he’s a boy, he has already assured me he’s going to win and is …READ MORE
June 4th, 2009 in 1/2 funny 1/2 serious 100% important, AHHHHHHHHHHH!, i am slowly going crazy, I'm a lady. I'm a tramp., if you're shallow and you know it clap your hands!, it happened this week, it's okay- you can skim this one, italics make it appear more thoughtful/interesting, the one that nobody reads because of the title, the title says it all, these are the things that happen to me, wedding season is kicking my ass, when strangers see you NAKED You can find the post HERE.
May 27th, 2009 in 98% of me thinks this is funny, AHHHHHHHHHHH!, conversation of the day, i am slowly going crazy, I'm yoda. Everyone else is a grasshopper, it happened this week, lists, school, teaching, the one that nobody reads because of the title, the title says it all, these are the things that happen to me, Things I Said Today, you're skimming this one, youth The title says it all. Here are ten things I said today (and I only started writing them down at lunch- that’s how crazy this class was). I spent a better part of my drive home daydreaming of a workplace where no one put things down their pants while talking to me. I’m sure there is a GREAT dirty joke in there but I’m too tired to find it.
1. “If you keep talking inappropriately about Michael Jackson, you will spend your recess with me”.
2. “Show me that you are ready for gym. That means you need to get …READ MORE
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quote of the moment "Once you start googling 'unlikely animal friendships', life gets better."
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