The week Bridesmaids came out, I trekked to the theatre. I’d heard the hype and eagerly sat in my seat like a giddy dork waiting for the lights to go down so I could revel in 2 hours of pure estrogen created hilarity. Instead of leaving the theatre on a high note, I left with a bad feeling in my stomach. Sort of like when you realize you ran a red light or you see pictures of the Olsen twins leaving their twelvefiftygazillionbajillion dollar apartments wearing something you threw into a dumpster after fourth grade.
Let’s start with all the …READ MORE
I was thinking tonight about how I don’t know how to swim. I’ve always felt like this was a handicap, something that prevented me from living a life of glamorous weekend getaways, cuddling with Phelps abs (not his face, just his abs), fully appreciating the cuteness that is showcased every spring in the swimwear section of J.Crew. I’ve always seen it as a horrible flaw- yet one I’m too scared to overcome.
I’ve never experienced cancer like I am right now. I’ve never had a family member or friend get diagnosed, I’ve never felt engulfed like I do now. Submerged …READ MORE
I’m waiting for the sun to finally prove to me that Spring is here. I’m waiting for the mocking to begin when I confess I saw this movie last night. I’m waiting for my brother to tell me what he’s already told everyone else. I’m waiting for my feelings to stop hurting. I’m waiting for Victor and Tammy to win The Amazing Race. I’m waiting for someone to tell me I shouldn’t want them to win. I’m waiting for a job offer, a moment of clarity, this dress to go on sale.
I’m waiting for the Next …READ MORE
Oh internet, I’m in love.
With a movie.
Called “One Week“.
Those of you who aren’t Canadian (or who don’t love Joshua Jackson with all of your soul unlike this girl) may not have heard of it. It basically is a movie about a man is confronted with death and goes on a roadtrip to figure out exactly what he wants in life. That sounds cliche, doesn’t? But I assure you, this movie is unlike any I’ve ever watched. Plus, it’s fun to see how they cram Canada into every possible scene- through showcasing the beauty of the country, a …READ MORE
1. If I ever audition for American Idol, I will focus on SONG CHOICE. And you know, not sucking as a singer. And for the record? I despise bikini girl. NOT because she wore a bikini to the first audition, but because she talks like a baby. If Randy wore a bikini, I would not hate him. If he talked like a baby? Yes, there would be hate. Baby talk is grounds for friendship termination. Baby talk. It’s no good. Lesson learned.
2. There are situations where it’s impossible to say the right thing. Where every possible word will be …READ MORE
When I was in grade one, I had a reading partner named Claire. Claire and I would choose our favorite books and share a tired, orange beanbag at the back of the classroom. We would read each other the stories and if we tired of reading, we would make up our own versions, which would always include cotton candy and/or a magical unicorn named Rusty.
One day, while sitting with Claire, I farted. Claire first looked surprised, then she started to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she told me I was going to hell. God didn’t let …READ MORE
In the last few weeks I’ve had multiple conversations with people all of whom are in ‘friends with benefits’ situations. Which? Always intrigues me, the way Alaskan cruises or tightrope walking intrigues me- I think they appear fun but I don’t think they are for me.
There’s a gene I think I lack. The “I’m cool with exchanging bodily fluids without caring enough to date you” gene. Don’t get me wrong- I’ve done the walk of shame, I’ve made very many bad choices and have enjoyed every single one. But repeatedly going back to the same person, liking them enough …READ MORE
There are certain days in a persons life when I feel it’s imperative to say what you want- what you NEED to say despite the fact that you know everyone around you may not want to hear it. (My brother calls this “day” EVERYDAY). I call this day, today.
I’m tired of people who email me telling me I’m going to hell based on my political views. I’m tired of the notion that a mere mortal feels they hold the keys to my pass into heaven- and more specifically, feels like I would ever want to hear that they don’t …READ MORE
I’ve been blogging a lot lately and was going to spend today eating popsicles and writing tweets declaring my love for the book “Then we Came to the End” by Joshua Ferris (in a word- genius), but I’m feeling ranty so you get another post. Hurrah!
pisses me off. A lot. If you haven’t been following along, this is the new cover of The New Yorker magazine. It’s Obama dressed up like a Muslim, Michelle is a terrorist, there’s a burning American flag in the fireplace and a picture of Bin Laden looks on as the mighty couple …READ MORE