I cannot decide which is more disturbing:
1. That despite not watching the season, I found myself transfixed while watching season finale of The Bachelor tonight. And I may have watched the whole second hour while standing on the couch, mouth open, spewing such a hateful and curse riddled tirade that a sailor would have blushed. And wept for his mom. And peed his pants.
2. I just admitted to spending two hours of my life watching THE BACHELOR. TWO HOURS. I could have written an epic haiku in that amount of time. Or upped my calcium intake with a …READ MORE
One of the greatest days of my life happened in the fall of 1996. (No, keep reading, I promise there is no reference to Mondetta and/or Guess clothing in this post.)
I was starting grade ten and found out that the hot, new boy picked the locker right next to mine. Oliver. He was all big smiles and sly glances. Blonde hair and blue eyes. Levi’s that fit perfectly. He’d lean against his locker and do impressions of our biology teacher, tease me for buying Mariah Carey’s latest CD (I still stand by that purchase. DO NOT JUDGE ME), ask …READ MORE
I did this to myself.
I’m the first to admit this.
You see, I went on a bit of a bender during the holidays. People warned me that it wasn’t healthy. That I was going to hurt myself. That I was playing with fire.
Yet, I ignored them all. And went to see someone who could help me me get a fix.
I went to Blockbuster.
And spent days watching “The Wedding Date”, “You’ve Got Mail”, “When Harry Met Sally”, ” Must Love Dogs”, “Sleepless in Seattle”, “The Notebook” and “The Bridges of Madison County” (and you know what sort …READ MORE
So like every other human alive, I dig free stuff. I also dig books. So when I got an email a few months ago from this woman offering me a free book if I reviewed it, I said yes. Absolutely. And if you lived closer lady? I would want to buy you dinner for your troubles.
See how thoughtful I am?
Anyway, the day my book arrived- “You lost him at hello“, I did a little happy dance. This is exactly the kind of book I’d never have bought, but would be secretly curious about. (Sidenote: Any authors out there? …READ MORE
Me: I wish I had a crush.
Andy: A crush? Like, what you had in the seventh grade for guys who still wore sweatpants?
Me: Welll… a grownup version of that. Life is just a lot more interesting when you have that one person you feel all, swoony around.
Andy: Why don’t you wish for a guy to feel that way about you? Or better yet, why don’t you wish for a relationship where BOTH of you feel like that?
Me: Are you nuts?! I’m not ready for that kind of commitment. I like my feelings to NOT be reciprocated, …READ MORE
In the last few weeks I’ve had multiple conversations with people all of whom are in ‘friends with benefits’ situations. Which? Always intrigues me, the way Alaskan cruises or tightrope walking intrigues me- I think they appear fun but I don’t think they are for me.
There’s a gene I think I lack. The “I’m cool with exchanging bodily fluids without caring enough to date you” gene. Don’t get me wrong- I’ve done the walk of shame, I’ve made very many bad choices and have enjoyed every single one. But repeatedly going back to the same person, liking them enough …READ MORE
I decided today that I should start listening to my ENTIRE itunes library. Not just, the six songs that I listen to on repeat. As I started listening, I realized two things 1) a song can really take you back to a memory you had forgotten and 2) I have too much Will Smith in my music collection. Really, it’s embarrassing. (Almost as embarrassing as the album name “Big Willie Style”. Seriously. Who thought that was a good idea?) Anyway, as I puttered throughout the day, songs came on that took me back to a memory relating to those who …READ MORE
There are few mysteries that trouble the world as deeply as those relating to the male species. I imagine the dawn of time cave women scratched out their man problems on dusty cave walls lit only by torches that reflected their fat tears which tasted of salt and heartbreak.
Was that too much? Yeah, I thought so too.
In all honesty, I don’t really cry that often over men. I suspect that my ‘tears for a man’ reservoir was ran dry due to one man who left me crying for so long my cheeks forgot what they were like to …READ MORE
I found this in an email account I was cleaning up (because email account cleaning can turn into a whole day project when you are unemployed), and was both delighted and horrified to see how accurately this still was, SIX YEARS after I originally wrote it- except the mono part. I kicked mono’s ass- all while backpacking Europe because I’m part superhero.
So sorry for the mass email, I am just so busy that I can’t write to you each all individually, I am sure you understand. Considering the fact that I have no serious job, no real …READ MORE
A young girl was breaking up with the “looks good on paper” fiancé. They were standing on a dock facing the ocean, watching the waves coming in when she handed him back the ring that had been the promise of their future. She wished that he would do something impulsive, something reckless. She silently prayed he would throw the ring into the ocean, if he could do something like that- an irresponsible and unexpected grand gesture, he would be the one for her. She realized that’s what she needed- proof he was willing to do more than any other man. …READ MORE