When you think you are casually bringing up the idea of “summer vacation” to a teacher, the reality is you are inadvertently being a douche. Because teachers and summer vacation don’t exist in the way you think they do. Non-teachers assume that teachers work from 9-3pm, get paid fairly and spend large parts of their day doing crafts. We wear witch earrings on Halloween, celebrate Christmas with carols and go on field trips to fun locales. We are rewarded for our pursuits with two months of pure rest and relaxation, where we will jet set the world with our easily …READ MORE
The week Bridesmaids came out, I trekked to the theatre. I’d heard the hype and eagerly sat in my seat like a giddy dork waiting for the lights to go down so I could revel in 2 hours of pure estrogen created hilarity. Instead of leaving the theatre on a high note, I left with a bad feeling in my stomach. Sort of like when you realize you ran a red light or you see pictures of the Olsen twins leaving their twelvefiftygazillionbajillion dollar apartments wearing something you threw into a dumpster after fourth grade.
Let’s start with all the …READ MORE
I was thinking tonight about how I don’t know how to swim. I’ve always felt like this was a handicap, something that prevented me from living a life of glamorous weekend getaways, cuddling with Phelps abs (not his face, just his abs), fully appreciating the cuteness that is showcased every spring in the swimwear section of J.Crew. I’ve always seen it as a horrible flaw- yet one I’m too scared to overcome.
I’ve never experienced cancer like I am right now. I’ve never had a family member or friend get diagnosed, I’ve never felt engulfed like I do now. Submerged …READ MORE
One of the more bizarre quirks I possess, is the strong desire to run from people in public places. There have been times in the past while shopping where I’ve heard my name called and my first reaction has been to drop my purchases and run like I’m being chased by a pack of angry wild dogs craving the taste of human flesh. That’s my reaction when I don’t know who is calling my name. It’s worse when I see someone I don’t get along with.
This week marks one event that takes place where it will almost be impossible …READ MORE
So, today was the worst Presidents Day ever. Wait, I don’t technically get to celebrate Presidents Day, but my province had it’s own holiday but it doesn’t sound as cool. As some of you have already read (thanks twitter! For allowing me to share everything in 140 characters or less), the BEST part of today has been the fact that I found out someone got into my bank account and withdrew everything. So, if that was the best part, use your imagination to imagine the worst part and if you guess it involves TEARS or getting licked by Mickey Rourke …READ MORE
When I was in grade one, I had a reading partner named Claire. Claire and I would choose our favorite books and share a tired, orange beanbag at the back of the classroom. We would read each other the stories and if we tired of reading, we would make up our own versions, which would always include cotton candy and/or a magical unicorn named Rusty.
One day, while sitting with Claire, I farted. Claire first looked surprised, then she started to cry. I asked her what was wrong and she told me I was going to hell. God didn’t let …READ MORE
I wake up every day fully aware that I have a good life.
I know this.
I may complain about the cold, but I’ve never been homeless. I may complain about being hungry, but I’ve never starved. I may complain about Paris Hilton but no one has forced me to sit through her sex tape. More than once.
I have a good life.
Last week, I stumbled across this line:
Few people attain great lives, large part because it is just so easy to settle for a good life. – Good to Great
And it’s haunted me.
Do you ever …READ MORE
There are certain days in a persons life when I feel it’s imperative to say what you want- what you NEED to say despite the fact that you know everyone around you may not want to hear it. (My brother calls this “day” EVERYDAY). I call this day, today.
I’m tired of people who email me telling me I’m going to hell based on my political views. I’m tired of the notion that a mere mortal feels they hold the keys to my pass into heaven- and more specifically, feels like I would ever want to hear that they don’t …READ MORE
I think of my father every time I fly. During the safety presentation when navy clad flight attendants remind me that I have to put my own air mask on before I can help someone else. That I need to save myself before I save anyone else. That when you push aside what you want to do and think of what you need to do- in order to survive, that you don’t have a choice- you have to put yourself first.
My father and I do not speak. Actually, that sounds far different than what actually happens. I do not …READ MORE
If you are someone who wants a lot of traffic on your blog, I will give you a tip: wait until tomorrow night and then write a post titled “Vice Presidential Drinking Games”. I guarantee your traffic numbers will explode- mine did.
The funny thing (and by ‘funny’, I mean ‘distressing enough I wished I had an unhealthy addiction to take the pain away’) about suddenly finding your blog getting thousands of hits a day is that it just increases the amount of people who will find your post and NOT like it. Who will hate what you’ve said, who …READ MORE