I went through a phase in my early teens when I was obsessed with jury selection (I mean, who DIDN’T have that phase?) and read every book possible on the topic. This was after the OJ Simpson case and I was convinced that the right jury would have REALIZED WHAT EVERYONE ELSE ALREADY KNEW. I became an expert on how to spot liars, identify psychopaths and establish who wants to wants to chop off your head and use it as a soup bowl so I was convinced I would be up for online dating.
I mean, isn’t that what it …READ MORE
I just wanted a Pippa Middleton moment.
I’ve never had a note worthy ass. There is not a lot of junk in my trunk and I’ve been in awe of a great booty since Destiny’s Child first started singing about them. Magazines told me that with a personal trainer and a solid two hour (DAILY) work out, I could proudly have a rear to rival my favourite Kardashian. But I like free time and I don’t have a personal trainer and let’s get real- I’m a bit lazy. So I had gently told myself that living bootylicious-less in the world …READ MORE
The week Bridesmaids came out, I trekked to the theatre. I’d heard the hype and eagerly sat in my seat like a giddy dork waiting for the lights to go down so I could revel in 2 hours of pure estrogen created hilarity. Instead of leaving the theatre on a high note, I left with a bad feeling in my stomach. Sort of like when you realize you ran a red light or you see pictures of the Olsen twins leaving their twelvefiftygazillionbajillion dollar apartments wearing something you threw into a dumpster after fourth grade.
Let’s start with all the …READ MORE
It’s a funny thing- to open your mailbox and expect to get a greeting from a friend or a shipping invoice from yet another late night online shopping binge and instead find yourself reading an email from someone, a stranger- who is so clearly disappointed in you and angry with you that it almost takes your breath away. Of course, the first instinct is to assume it’s a joke. CLEARLY no one can be that invested in the life of someone they haven’t bothered to ever talk to or email before to send out such an angry note. And so …READ MORE
10 Top Lessons I Learned In 2009 (this list is seriously incomplete but a top “23.5 Lessons I learned in 2009″ just doesn’t have the same ring to it. And if there’s one thing I’m about, it’s the ring).
1. Crying in public, sending out 80,000 resumes and begging will not get you a job. Neither will good intentions, great connections and a resume so sparkling it would make Obama’s look shoddy in comparison. A good job will find you when you least expect it. And everyone who says “the perfect job will find you when you are ready”, …READ MORE
It surprises me when I discover I am loved.
That sounds silly doesn’t? As though one should take for granted being loved as easy as one takes for granted air or space or the continued beat of their own heart despite a deep rooted love for corn dogs.
But it surprises me to discover I am loved.
When the words leave someone else and are shot straight to me- like a rubber band filled with nervous excitement, ” I love you“, three words that light up even the darkest night, I find that I have no room to be delighted- …READ MORE
Dear People Who Saw Me on The Dance Floor Saturday Night,
I know. I can’t believe I’m that good of a dance either. It’s like I’m the love child of that chick from Flashdance and that creepy Lord of the Dance dude. Plus a hint of Justin Timberlake. All mixed together and fueled by rum.
dancing into your hearts, brandy
Dear blog, life, blog and life,
I miss you
busily yours, brandy
Dear man who sat beside me in the literacy conference yesterday,
You need to re-think your food choices because what was going on there was pretty nasty. And …READ MORE
I need your help.
So, as some of you may know, I have a pretty weak stomach. I’m grossed out rather easily and this tends to delight some people in my life. In a moment of insanity I agreed to play a game affectionately called GROSS OUT tonight, with a boy who loves nothing more than to ask ‘would you rather’ questions that involve human sweat, period blood and mucous plugs (LiLu, that last one was inspired by you).
Take a minute and collect yourself.
Because he’s a boy, he has already assured me he’s going to win and is …READ MORE
So a friend and I were discussing sports and he casually mentioned that some football player signed a $100 million dollar contract.
And then my head exploded.
After the grey matter was wiped off the wall, I proceeded to rant, rave and foam at the mouth like a girl with a wild case of rabies at the ridiculousness of ANYONE getting paid $100 million dollars to do ANYTHING.
Of course, my friend disagreed. He explained that football players have unique skills, they have a job that doesn’t allow them to play for many years (those pesky head injuries), they must …READ MORE
I talked to someone today who has NEVER HEARD OF HARRY POTTER.
Apparently, it’s just “never been mentioned” around this woman. Seriously. It’s HARRY POTTER. How could have not even have heard of one of the movies, if not one of the books? That’s like saying that you haven’t heard of something called WATER or don’t know when Zac Efron’s birthday is. Everybody knows.
I feel like I’ve been hit with a stupefy spell.
How is it possible to have NEVER HEARD OF HARRY POTTER? * And yes, all those capitals are necessary, it’s really my only way …READ MORE