Throw away your damn bucket list

I want you to think of the bucket list that you have. Whether it’s triumphantly displayed on your blog, written shyly in your journal or catalogued in the recesses of your brain right after the recipe for spinach dip your mother gave you, I want you to rename that list “Things I Wish To Do Sometime Before I Die”.

Not very powerful is it?

When death is your finish line, you’re running the wrong race.

Considering that you are a perishable item with an expiry date, we could go further and rename your bucket list “Things I Wish To Do …READ MORE

To Read If You Have Kids. Or Ever Plan To Have Kids.

I’m a teacher.

I spend one thousand, three hundred and twenty three hours a year with kids.

I have taught every grade from two to eight. I don’t have a doctorate and I’ve never written a book but I do feel like when it comes to working with kids, I have some insight. I’m sure there’s a secret teacher handbook sitting on some shelf somewhere that says “DO NOT TELL PEOPLE OUR SECRETS”, but I think there are certain things that parents should know. And would make the world run ten thousand times better.

Secret #1: Of course we have …READ MORE

Love always, Yoda

The best part about telling the internet everything about your life is that when you decide to pull a Yoda and drop down some knowledge bombs people can’t be all like ‘what the hell? what does this girl know?” because well, we know that some stuff has gone down.

Not that tragic events or celebratory moments automatically give someone a free stamp in the passport of Life- but I do find that when life kicks you squarely in the ladyparts or the universe gives you an unexpected high-five, a person tends to do a bit more reflection. Sure, it usually …READ MORE

Because These Are The Best Days

Oh hi blog!

When summer vacation started, my summer plans list looked something like this: 1. get up at 7am everyday 2. learn a new language (preferably something useful like Mandarin) 3. blog a few times a week 4. go for a morning run 5. become a domestic goddess worthy of her own show on TLC. 6. PREPARE FOR HARRY POTTER WORLD!

Summer vacation is half over and so far this is what my list has morphed into: 1. get up before noon-ish (Like that ‘-ish’? I don’t like putting serious limits on myself. My body reacts badly to boundaries) …READ MORE

Rules To Live By Part II

Originally done here

1. Life is too short to wait for other people to buy you flowers. Buy your own. (And stop fucking hating on *carnations.) (photo by me)

2. If a student tells you he just ‘had a wet fart’ but after is walking around like a bow legged cowboy, send him down to the bathroom immediately.

3. Don’t trust people who don’t love “Party in the USA”.

4. If the kissing ain’t right, keep the legs tight.

5. Sometimes, the only thing that will be able to cure your sadness is McDonalds french fries. And on those days, …READ MORE

Things I know this year, that I did not know last

I know. I knoooooooooow. We are only 12 days into the new year and already I’m going to bust my enlightened self all on your ass. But you know, I’ve had entire years where the total learning experiences has culminated in learning: 1. The darker the liquor the more likely you are going to want to stab yourself the next morning 2. When your stack of jeans is almost taller of you, it’s time to stop buying 3. Using your student loan to buy jeans will result in you wanting to stab yourself for 5 years after you graduate.

All …READ MORE

15 Things I complain about but secretly enjoy

1. 99.89% of the nicknames that have ever been bestowed upon me.

2. Snow.

3. The Hills.

4. Mondays.

5. Coming home after a vacation.

6. Chick flicks.

7. Mornings.

8. Eating vegetables.

9. Christmas shopping.

10. Tequila.

11. Soul Decision.

12. Mud Puddles.

13. Getting Older.

14. Airplane Food.

15. Dr. Phil.

I’d also support hot male lap dancing to fund Italian cooking lessons

Sometimes I think about writing a book. Not a thoughtful novel filled with witty characters with irritatingly unique names like March or Shark or Journey. Not a thin book of essays detailing the true bizarre greatness of my family, an ode to Sedaris genius in less than 200 pages. Not even an easy page turner about single girls who wear expensive shoes and find love only after they’ve publicly humiliated themselves or spent time in a Thai prison. No, I think about writing an instruction manual. For life.

It would start off like this:

Chapter 1: BE KIND This chapter …READ MORE

Exactly what I needed to hear

(via we heart it)