I’m not sure how it happened.
I could blame “Eat, Pray, Love”. The idea that, when faced with a devastating loss or unyielding heartache of epic proportions, the most courageous thing you can do is to leave. To run. To flee. To explore new lands and discover new people. That anything less than a dramatic exit will not suffice, will not illustrate to those around you just how absolutely crushed you are. That unless I smash plates, book trips to exotic lands, get ill-placed tattoos, take up chain smoking and jeggings- that my sadness does not have a home, isn’t …READ MORE
Originally done here
1. Life is too short to wait for other people to buy you flowers. Buy your own. (And stop fucking hating on *carnations.) (photo by me)
2. If a student tells you he just ‘had a wet fart’ but after is walking around like a bow legged cowboy, send him down to the bathroom immediately.
3. Don’t trust people who don’t love “Party in the USA”.
4. If the kissing ain’t right, keep the legs tight.
5. Sometimes, the only thing that will be able to cure your sadness is McDonalds french fries. And on those days, …READ MORE
I have a job.
An honest to goodness teaching job.
In a school.
Where I will go to the same classroom everyday and teach grade four students about reading and writing and how to not write run on sentences like this one.
I have a job.
(Also? If you want to make a difference and gain huge karma points- go here and see how you can help!)
Thank you so much for your kind words and emails everyone!
There are few mysteries that trouble the world as deeply as those relating to the male species. I imagine the dawn of time cave women scratched out their man problems on dusty cave walls lit only by torches that reflected their fat tears which tasted of salt and heartbreak.
Was that too much? Yeah, I thought so too.
In all honesty, I don’t really cry that often over men. I suspect that my ‘tears for a man’ reservoir was ran dry due to one man who left me crying for so long my cheeks forgot what they were like to …READ MORE
* This post was inspired by the new website I’m excited to be a part of. To read a more comprehensive list of what I’ve learned in my seven glorious years as a 20something, head over here. And even if you couldn’t care less about what I’ve learned about blow dryers and beer, head over there anyway and check out the other wonderful thoughts by writers far more talented than me.
Listing what I’ve learned in my 20′s seems foolish now that I’ve started. What I thought I knew, I forgot. Lessons I thought I’ve learned, need repeating. Mantras …READ MORE
To the person who emailed me saying they find it “offensive” that I used the word vagina in the previous post,
THAT’S WHAT IT’S CALLED.
And no, I will not call it a ‘va-jay-jay’. Because 1.) I loathe that term 2.) Oprah calls it that and I feel weird calling it a ‘va-jay-jay’ if Oprah does (the same way I could never use the word ‘boner’ after an unfortunate eavesdropping incident involving my grandmother, a bottle of sherry, her lady friends and a bad joke) and lastly 3.) If I change what I call a persons vagina, to appease you- …READ MORE
Remember how just a few short days ago I was gripping onto sanity with my fingertips? I’m now holding sanity a little more securely. I’m no longer crying because Full House was canceled twelve years ago. The skin under my eyes no longer is the color of bruised fruit. My hair has been touched by a novel invention called a hairbrush.
My mental health has greatly improved and I credit sleep, shampoo and Springsteen for this miraculous development.
On Friday I took my tired and worn self to heaven Sephora. Because if there’s one place that’s likely to revive my …READ MORE